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Sunday, December 30, 2007

LUCY????ju got some splainin to do!

Last night at work I was working with a spry, energetic, young man of 21. We closed the deli on one of the busiest Saturday nights since the store has been open. (the Saturday before New Years eve, and the big football game with the Patriots (YAY) and the Giants) anyway, I was able to take my half hour dinner break but didnt have the heart to leave him alone with all those customers for both of my 15 minute breaks...although being young & hasnt mastered what being a team member is yet...he took ALL of his, and left me with these sharks...I mean customers! (thats ok, not taking mine was my choice, I get that.)

So as I was busily cleaning the HUGE mess we had created, I unrolled the large hose and began the tedious task of POWERWASHING the floor. I wish I had one of these in my kitcken. ITS AWESOME!!!!! well I turned it on and its so powerful that it made me pay attention because it clearly "was in power" but I got my groove back and Im having a ball, swaying it back and forth...under the counters, but all of a sudden, it petered out. just stopped. what the???? so "spry kid" tells me "oh Kat, you got a kink in it and have to straighten it out" problem so I spun myself around to unwind the hose to get my power back but forgot to turn the dang thing off when I did naturally my arm holding the hose when around me as well, & it was like a comedy in a movie....and Kat powerwashed the entire deli, the 3 aisles outside of the deli... about 3 customers...2 innocent employees...and if there was a partridge in a pear tree...well hed be spit shined too!

I wrestled the dang demonic control of the situation to assess the damage and it was LARGE!!! but very clean and soapy! "Spry kid"
was literally squatting in the corner laughing hysterically, which then I became infected with laughter, and couldnt even move, I was laughing so hard. I swear...I was in danger...I thought for sure I had piddled on myself! I managed somehow to get back up and I was soaked, and ran with rolls of useless inexpensive papertowels that dont absorb anything but just kind of rolls the spills around! but thank God when I rounded the corner, everyone was laughing as hard as we were. no injuries, or slip and falls.

I guess this one one of those times where its not as funny to hear it, but ya really had to be there. but when I walked out of the store and Ronnie was waiting for me and he saw the drenched mess I was, My infamous "deli do" plastered to my head and spiky pony stickin up seven ways to Sunday.... ya know what he said right??? LUCCCCCYYYYYY????? JU GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO!!!!!!

Oh Lord after the busy night I had and another shift waiting me this morning from the deli from was good to laugh.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Changes of the Tide

Im not one to make New Year Resolutions because they only last a week or so and then I feel the same let down in myself Im sure everyone feels. and Im back to smoking, over eating, and swearing like a drunkin sailor. and feel like the biggest LOSER!!!!

So I shall try and consider the changes Id like to incorporate into my life for 2008...Changes of the tide. ya know different seasons...different reasons.

Id like to share a few of these changes with you so I can remain honest and if I get called out on any of them, maybe Ill get back on track. Sometimes Ill do something for someone else before Id do it for myself. Hence my first change...

I really need to look at why I spread myself so thin. I know I try to please God, but after careful reflection, I think Hed be more pleased with me if I took better care of myself so I could do "more" for others without feeling tore up from the floor up. I remember painfully when my son was younger him screaming at me "Do I have to be homeless to get your attention?" GULP!!!!!!

I also think one of the reasons I run so hard, is to avoid looking within myself. I know Ive made some great personal changes, but I didnt make those, God did. He plucked me from the throes of addiction. Its my turn to begin honoring the temple that He blessed me with. Cuz this temple is a MESS! I... I... I... I mean a mmmess!!!! I am running on empty and putting the people that really matter on the back burner and if I dont re-evaluate the importance of these people Ive been neglecting "all in the honor of helping the needy", Im going to fail miserably. So Charity begins in the home first. I believe God wont mind in fact Im sure its Him grinding away in the pit of my spirit, insisting that I slow down and reprioritize.

I have so much inside of me just bursting to come forth and bear a variety of areas. I have tried to take short and inexpensive short cuts and find ways to piece work learning this computer. I cannot believe the desire to "want" to learn. I am amazed at what can be done on this thing. But I am limited and couldnt justify money I didnt have to take real classes. I am aware It costs money to make money. Taking a class is an essential I am commiting to.It isnt anyones responsibility to teach is mine alone. SIMPLIFY!!!!

I am going to take the plunge and pray the fear away that had prevented me in the past to learn new sewing techniques, designs to promise and produce fruit, that have scared the "Be De Jesus" out of me...Scaredy Kat no more. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can....I KNOW I CAN!!! IM A KAT CAN DO!!!!(I think)

Im also going to honor all that God has provided me with in terms of redoing and creating marketable treasures out of the small end pieces of furniture I have, awaiting my tide to change in my cellar. I have some GREAT pieces just waiting for me to commit to. Ive picked up, found, purchased, and haggled for, end tables, chairs, magazine racks, milk cans, antiques and lots of wood for making primitive signs, just sitting there patiently waiting for me to appreciate and utilize the gifts of creativity I have been blessed with. Not to mention the financial potential it can afford me. Im such a procrastinator. (maybe I just fear success...wonder what Freud would have to say about that one?)

So lots of blessings to unfold within me. I have all the materials, the desire, and once I get a regular schedule if Im not laid off, (in which then I will have all the time in the world) I have the willingness. I just think my prayers have got to change and instead of pleading for things I dont have...(and Im a pushy prayer too. I ask for things before the end of the business day) can you imagine the laughing God does at me? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Was that you Lord? and Ive got to begin thanking God for the awareness of blessing me with that I have all I need. I always have...I just didnt know it. It was hidden under all the fear, all the whining....So on January 2nd I shall think of myself as the "Princess of Tides" and honor the messy temple, cellar, & all the hats I wear & share with all of you. HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

IVE BEEN TAGGED!!!!! (My first time!)

Ive been tagged on Christmas Eve from my very talented, funny, & amazing friend I often refer to as one of my mentor- woman heros....Stacey, from Good Wives of Washington County. She was one of the first women who reached back to me when I came on -line as a neophyte (as if Im still not) & we met on one of our primitive forums where we come together to embrace, celebrate, and encourage each other on our journey...wherever they happen to lead us.

I cannot express to you the gifts Ive recieved from Stacey, because you all bless me in so many different ways. But Stacey, or as I call her "Roons", for (Stacaroonie) has welcomed me and all of my clumsiness, politically incorrect faux paus, and gently taught me the ins and dos and not to dos, concerning on-line ettiquete. How to honor and appreciate everyones varieties of styles, designs, and personalities. The laws of the land so to speak concerning the utmost importance in remaining integrity filled when creating my own designs. and the difference between being inspired from someones work, and making sure to recognize and acknowledge any artist I choose to create a pattern from someone else. Even if... and especially when... I may alter it & add my personal is still someone elses and deserves the thanks and acknowledgement. She has taught me well. Thank you Roons.

Now...I will try to do her proud and dig deep inside and share 5 things about myself that people may not know...I am soooo excited. This is my very first time being tagged and I feel like Im such a BIG SHOT!!!! its the small things that make me want to dance...

1)I had a very short career in stand up comedy...I performed in 3 recovery clubs and 2 talent shows, but wasnt in a place in my recovery to begin working and hanging out in night clubs. I made my Step Dad very proud, he was a Professional Stand Up comic named "Little Caesar" and performed nationwide but his routine was "risque" so wasnt able to perform on Television. But did make an album!

2)I cut a ladies hearing aid off while cutting her hair, when I was in hairdressing school in 1978. She may have been my first customer, but thankfully not my last! the 3 people you never want to hear say "OOPS" is your hairdresser, tattoo artist, or gynocologist!!!!

3)I was honored on T.V. by the Mayor of New Britain, Conn. in 1993 with The Womens Leadership Award. I had helped earn $1500.00 for our client fund when I was an outreach worker for pregnant substance abusing women. I held a craft fair in our corporate office and invited the community to participate and donated everything we had made.(the fund provided emergency diapers, food staples etc...)

4) I began a program in 1994 at The Connecticut Dept. of Corrections in Niantic Ct.and taught 18 female inmates how to tap into their own creativity, and donated the supplies to teach them how to crochet, cross stitch, and embroider. When they completed their projects, they donated them back to the community that they had been arrested in and learned the awesome feeling when you give back...

5)I was recently invited to write and submit a piece of my in depth experience, strength, and hope, of the pain of active heroin addiction and the miracles and joys of recovery, and this will be included in a book that is being published now, and will be sold in book stores sometime in 2008 called "Tales of Addiction"

So now you all know a little more about me. I now have the honor to tag 5 more bloggers to share about themselves... I TAG
"Blondie" from "Vintage Primitives"
"Sherrie" from "Symple Tymes"
"Jennifer" from ""
"Peanut" from "Countryfolks Keepsakes"
"Robby" from " My Blackbird Journey"
Thank you Roons, this has been a blast!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Christmas!!!

Dear Santa Clause... Here is my list of essentials Id be very, very grateful to find under my tree on Christmas Morning...
1) a pallet loaded with bengay
2) A case of Icy hot
3)Motrin...lots and lots of motrin.
5)Maid service
6)Horemone & mood stabilizers
7) Midol
8)Sewing machine
9)New spring loaded scissors
10)More hours in a day
11)Energy...lots and lots of energy
12)A new comfort zone...Ive seemed to lost my old one!

so Id really appreciate it if you could look in your sack of goodies and help me find some relief in this new reality of my aging process...Aging isnt for cissies! I left some cookies and know where, and dont believe Opie if he tries to tell you "grammie said its ok for you to share"...ITS NOT!!!! please send him back upstairs to bed. Thank you and see ya next year. Love and hugs, Kat.xoxoxox

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Well last night Ronnie and I braved the bitter cold in the company truck (Maxine, our truck is in the shop) & bought our Christmas tree. It looked harmless & small enough on the farm...UNTIL....we brought it home , it relaxed in the warm house & opened up!!!! This morning it looks like something from a Steven King novel!!! What happened? TREEEEZILLA!!!!!

I have taken pics, and now that I know how to post them, my problem in my photo album is that I ran out of room in my computer and need to download them all to a CD and make room for new ones...It is on my are coming soon....I PROMISE!!!

Im off for the second day in a row after working 8 straight 10 hour days on my new job. Today I have to run to the store & purchase new tree lights. Ronnie remembered after tearing our cellar up last night looking for them that we threw the old ones out, because we had so many bare spots on them. Im so happy, because we werent thrilled with the colored ones. Theres something so romantic & pretty about the little white lights. So another errand on my things to do list this morning. I think I need to go back to work so I can get some rest... and believe me its a busy place, but after working so many hours last week, I had neglected so much in our home. I had laundry screaming to be washed, more baking to be done, and the bathroom? well lets just say that was the first to get my attention. Today I need to complete the angel ragdoll and 2 folkart angels on sticks I personalized and promised to have ready for pick up on Thursday but need to complete today, just in case...

I went though our tree ornaments last night while the hubs took a shift scouring the basement for the lights we thought we had misplaced and I felt so warm with memories as I picked up every aged piece that my sons had diligently created for us when they were little. I have Jordans gingerbread man made out of brown construction paper held together w/ tape and ready to hang w/ a piece of yarn (most of the glitter gone (but still sparkles to me), a couple of others they made Im sure with their focused tongues resting on the side of their little lips, as they colored, cut,glittered & pasted. I have framed mini counted cross stitched nativity scenes that my sister "Sha" lovingly made years before she passed away. I am so grateful that she forgave me before she passed and we spent those 11 months together as sisters should....close. Those will be passed down to my sons. What a gift. Then we have a Harley Santa riding in the wind, and an array of my prim ornies Ive had fun making. I especially adore a couple of beautiful ornaments given to me to celebrate my sobriety. One celebrates my husbands Native American heritage. The rest have graced our tree for years.

I think it would be appropriate to end this entry by thanking all of my amazing friends who happen to be women folk who Ive been spoiled, & blessed beyond measure with their gifts, lessons, guidence, support, encouragement and much laughter, that youve all enveloped me with during this past year. Ive been unwrapping your presents long before the month of Christmas. It was not an easy year, yet its been one of the most memorable and profound for me. Sometimes we are asked to listen to "Gods Whispers" as my dear friend Twigs has shared recently with us.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go, Some stay for awhile and leave foot prints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

Recently I was touched by one of these women Im speaking of and indeed my spirit has been altered. The experience was so personal and impacted me in such a way, that Im not sure I want to share it with anyone and most important, Im not sure Im supposed to. Yet what Im excited to share,, is that by her commitment to listen for Gods whispers, and then to follow her heart and remain obedient to God she has inspired me radically to learn how to quiet my own mind and spend intended peaceful time alone with God and then remain commited to follow His mighty will for my own life. In doing this, I have been blinded by Gods Grace and my eyesight was replaced an I have been blessed with seeing everything through the eyes of a child. I have a spirit of expectancy, faith, and mindblowing truth. His truth.

How do you thank someone for these gifts?

I thank you all for teaching me how to be a good friend, how to believe in myself, & believing in me when I didnt. For all of your prayers. How to remove the fear and have fun designing & creating (regardless of the outcome), how to remain grateful and appreciating and wanting ALL I have. Learning how to tithe (zero tolerance for anything less than 10%) and the law of reperocity(sp) That when the praises go up... the blessings come down. Im learning how to soften my edges a little. How to accept and forgive myself when I fall short in that area, and anything else Im falling on my face from battling perfectionism. Embracing my femininity, which I was convinced I had lost through the self neglect and self abuse while sick in active addiction. Thank you all for teaching and inspiring me to be the best I can be, and whatever my best may is more than enough.
See my friends? I dont just read your emails, blogs, and responses on message boards and forums,....I study them. I accept them as the precious gifts they are.
and although I have enjoyed, celebrated and embraced your friendship with the innocence of a child, I have learned from you,my life lessons with the grace of a woman.

Im not sure Ill have time to share again before Christmas, my goodness one week from today! YIKES!!!! I still need to shop for presents and groceries, wrap, clean, cook, make lists, & squeeze 49 hours of work in there...oh and of course the very important birthday cake I will bake for Jesus.

Merry Christmas to you all. I pray that you are all blessed with health, abundance, peace, and joy. BIG CHRISTMAS HUGS........KAT XOXOXOX

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Fa La La La La, La, La ,La Laaaaaa

So what do you think? Im finally learning how to post pictures. Im still struggling w/ being able to figure out how to organize my very messy photo album, but my friend Allie is coming back to teach me some more. I can tell, we have created a picture posting monster!!!

I am grateful and humbled to share with you, that we will indeed be celebrating Christmas after all.

I have been blessed beyond measure with employment, and was pleasantly surprized to find out that my salary will exceed more than had been discussed!... by a couple of dollars an hour more... Whoo Hoo! Ive also been asked if I could work 8 hours overtime between now and New Years... Could I ever????

Now I know that even had I not been blessed w/ this miracle, I would have still celebrated the birth of Christ, quietly, humbly, & a bit primitively. I do have my year round primitive tree displayed w/ little white faerie lights, and I would have managed cooking something. I would have even been able to provide my son & his wife with a couple of handmade gifts for their new home. I doubt however, that my youngest, single son, who has been blessed with the passion fixing & driving anything w/ wheels, and has a more than healthy dose of testosterone, would have embraced recieveing a primitive snowman for Christmas, in fact Im sure of it!

My Christian friends have gently (thank you Rilda) & perhaps not so gently reminded me w/ that the real spirit of Christmas surrounds only the birth of our Savior. And Im apt to agree, but Im a human being with Motherly instincts who often fall short in accepting these difficult realities of being a good Christian. I dont think being in a state of poverty necessarily defines whether or not I am a good Christian. I fall short of "that" title more often than not, and hasnt a thing to do with the month of December. Yet, I am no different from most everyone else feeling the stress of wanting to provide my family with a real tree that tickles our noses with the delicious smell of pine, or being able to send Christmas cards expressing my love & gratitude for all God has blessed me with, or being able to spend a little more than my weekly grocery bill with all the little sinful and high caloric holiday dinners, desserts, and cookies. I also wanted to be able to purchase a couple of nice gifts for my son & his wife, and my youngest son. Last week at this time, none of this seemed likely, but God is soooo good. so full of tender mercies.

My gift is believeing that His Grace is sufficient for me.

Ronnie and I began a tradition about 15 years ago, where we celebrate and exchange our Christmas presents to each other on New Years Eve. It affords us the extra week of sales, an extra week income, and it gives us alone time, since the kids used to go out and bring in the new year with their friends.

We cook something we dont normally have, usually lasagna, salad, & italian bread, and we always rent a couple of movies...the only deal w/ that is that they cant be violent, or scary. I dont do either anyway, but this is a rule.

Now Im busily filling a couple of orders that also came to me unexpectedly last night when a friend called asking for a private showing of my hand dids, so Ive got until the 20th to complete 2 angels and a primitive raggedy. I also mailed out my swap goodies to my partner this morning. I am so excited to create because when Im in a great mood as I am now, my creativity just flares and no one design is ever the same... Angels are indeed among us.

Im heading into the kitchen to prepare for an evening of baking Christmas cookies. Half will be kept here to enjoy, and the other half will be given to our shelter for women seeking safe refuge from domestic violence.

(Thank you God for the gentle, protective loving spirit you created in my husband, and sons, I am safe always)

Now that Ill be making a regular income, perhaps while the cookies are baking, (not burning... but baking)I can make a list of something more I can do, to let these women know that they arent alone... let them know that being a Mom, (and)I know how important it is as women to be able to provide for our children during the holiday gift giving season. I have first hand experience in feeling the depression of feeling hopeless, while the t.v. advertises all the glitter and glam of Christmas. (I felt so less than thinking I wouldnt be able to afford anything for my family, who like theirs, deserve the very best.) If anyone has any ideas in addition to sharing or donating moniterily, please email me. I welcome any creative ideas. I cannot take my blessings and run. It is a privilidge to pay it forward. Too whom much is given, much is expected. I have been given much. My gift to our Lord, will in making Him proud, and not letting Him feel sorry that He chose to answer my prayers and yours, by blessing me.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Mr. O'Malley is NOT a Scaredy Kat! but he is a beautiful Mainecoone 26 lb kitty, cancel his subscription...he already has too many issues.


Hubs Ronnie, Kats Mom Jo, & Kat.

Grampa...did you forget your keys AGAIN????

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Jesus...a math whiz?????

Yesterday, I was called in for a job interview at a place I had applied to, & was given the required personality assesment test, no problem, Ive done em all. 129 different ways to ask me if I can handle pressure, calm down difficult customers, and would I turn in my supervisor, or co-worker if I saw them stealing paperclips! But then they sprung on me a test with 25 math problems...they were right, THIS was a problem. It is no secret I have strengths and alot of weaknesses, but math isnt even a weakness for me, it is a fear factor. I immediately began to wiggle, panic, itch, & that old feeling of wanting to run was calling me. I count on my fingers... Once I was given a $50.00 chip to leave the blackjack table at a casino, from the man sitting next to me, because I kept asking for cards that I didnt need & it prevented him from getting the cards he needed to win! But then I heard a loud whisper in my heart that reminded me that less than an hour ago, I had shared at my 12 step group that one of my assets in my recovery was perserverence, never giving up, looking fear in the face, and my commitment to keep walking no matter what I may be facing.

AND then I was reminded how I was asking for prayer & stalking God for employment. I just hate it when God quotes me!!!!!How could I possibly give up when Im always preaching my favorite mantra; "Dont quit 5 minutes before your miracles about to happen"

So I took a breath and giggled at the fact that they only gave me one small piece of scrap paper! and whats up with the small eraser on the stumpy pencil? When I completed the test, that scrap piece looked like the chalk board that Russell Crowe was doing his math problems in his movie "Beautiful Mind"

I couldnt begin to tell you one question or problem I was asked, there were fractions, decimals, averages...oh and then about 6 of "if Sally had 4 rolls of ribbon with only 4/5ths of a roll on it, and she needed to wrap 8 presents, how much ribbon was used on each gift???what the???? If I were Sally I would be using sticky bows!!!!! I did the best I could, took a breath and handed it in to the woman while she graded it in front of me AND the other 3 applicants.... The only thing missing was my second grade teachers red pencil and bad breath, Could I have felt any more humiliated? I was in an office, there HAD to be a loaded gun around here somewhere....I heard the woman giggle, and I thought O.M.G. she is laughing at my horrible math, and she said "Kat, the reason im laughing is because you were so nervous and you aced it" I did? (no guts, no glory) how many did I get wrong? she said "none, you got em all right" I said are you SURE you have the name right? sho nuff. Now I KNOW I did not have a thing to do with any part of that test. So I just had to share this amazing gift from Jesus. I went for the drug test and signed the release form for the dentist to prove that he did in fact perscribe me the pain meds in my system, & hopefully since this job I applied for seems to be Gods personalized will for me, I should be working soon. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for all who have been keeping me lifted in prayer.

Should any of us quit 5 minutes before our miracles are about to happen???? You do the math!!!!

Thursday, November 29, 2007


The last of Theodore has been eaten. He went down in a blaze of glory in the form of homemade turkey stewp. (half stew, half soup) I wasnt able to give my elderly neighbor a donated turkey this year, as Ive done in the past, but I brought her a large pot of my stewp with 2 tubes of crackers to enjoy. When I came home the next day, she left the clean empty bowl w/ a note pad w/ kitties on it, and a small plaque celebrating friendship on my deck. How sweet is she?

I cant believe how fussy, spoiled, & ungrateful, Opie and Mr. O'Malley are. Trying to be an extra good grammie this year(I know Santas probably keeping tabs on me) so, I take the time to cook up & dice Theodores neck and gizzards, sprinkled them w/ onion powder, & a large tablespoon of fresh sausage stuffing mix, all blended together, presented as a gourmet gift of love that Rachel Ray would deem fantabulous, and Mr. O'Malley looks at me like I had 3 heads, turned his fussy nose up & runs away, so I put the bowl down for Opie, he takes a whiff...& pushes the bowl under the kitchen table w/ his nose where he tries to hide everything he doesnt want to eat. Ya...this coming from a 27 lb. cat and a dog who snacks in the litter box!!!!!! I finally put the bowl out on the deck and figured "Charlie" our resident squirrel would appreciate my efforts, and they sort of were, when I went out to retrieve the bowl on Thanksgiving morning, Charlie had licked the stuffing off the entree, & left remenants of the gizzards and neck...(.thank you Charlie). even though I think it was a "mercy lickin" No note pads or plaques from him though!

Now that Thanksgiving has passed, December is my absolute favorite time of year. On Dec.2nd, I celebrate my oldest sons birthday. I cannot wait until I can share with you what I made for him, but until he gets it in the mail, Mums the word. Hes my number one fan and reads my blog entries so I can only say I had a ball making his gift. I cannot believe my "Stinky" is going to be 27 years old. He lied to me about 23 years ago, when he was 4 and PROMISED me he would NEVER grow up...he did. I remember when he was in the U.S. Airforce and sent me photos of he and his unit in full Military Police regalia, and all I could see thru my tears of pride was his adoreable little blonde curls, and sweet face while he was sitting on the pottie, pushin for a cookie!!!!
Hes gonna kill me for sharing that, but hell completely understand someday when he becomes a parent. I enjoy reflecting on his face blowing out his candles on his favorite catterpillar cakes I used to make him each year., & then opening up his He-man action figures and tucking him in with is one legged Teela. I think our Cocker Spaniel "Mickie" disabled Teela, it was a great oppertunity to teach him the value of loving people with disabilites. And "love her" he did.

So Im in all my glory playing ALL of my Christmas music, and watching my all time favorite Christmas movie "Prancer" which has already been enjoyed.( I usually clear the room with that one) Ive begun baking my Christmas cookies, and Ive begun slowly decorating our home. I have been busy making a couple of Christmas presents, pushing my sewing machine beyond legal limits to complete projects for my upcoming show on the 8th. I completed a beautiful whimsical snowgirl Ive named "SNOWFIA" a bit of primitive, a whole lot of whimsy. I painted her face and blessed her with large clownlike eyelashes, & adorned her with a bright red Christmas "bigatzu" which is a Polish word for headband. I wear them all the time when Im creating, and sporting an old paint spattered apron....quite the site. I sent a pic of Snowfia to my friend Robby and she told me I did a great job but adamantly expressed to me that she was absolutely "ONLY PRIM" appreciater. (sorry Robby, I only follow whatever God pulls up outta me) I hope she doesnt call the prim police on me! (smile)

And prim she is. She sent me the most adoreable "very prim" star she made with a hand sewn pocket with a sprig of greenery tucked inside of it. It will grace my year round prim tree for many years to come. Thanks Robby, I love you too.

In ending this weeks entry, Im going to share with you my commitment to put more "Christ" in my Christmas and less emphasis on Santas, shopping, and fronting, all in the name of "spirit".

Maybe God felt it important to get my attention with my financial squeeze, by forcing me to HAVE to appreciate the real "spirit" of this Christmas with the elegance of simplicity. The joy of giving. The beauty of friendship and blessing each other with spirit inspired ornaments, maybe Ill attempt making my own Christmas cards this year. Ive got the supplies, Ive got the time, and Ive got the need. Im also going to work on forgiving myself, embrace some recent changes in my life, pray for employment, use my time wisely while Im not employed. Im going to give thanks for all I have. and I have MUCH.

My prayer request this week is for the immediate relief of the horrific pain Ive been in from the trauma I experienced when I was mugged 18 months ago and was kicked in my mouth. I lost 2 teeth in the top front!!!, my jaw was fractured, and a bone in my nose was cracked. So until Im able to afford the extensive repairs I need, I suffer with recurring infections every 7 or 8 months and Im incapacitated until the anti biotics and pain meds begin to work. Id appreciate all of your prayers.

Ive got neked snowmen, raggedies, and angel head make dos waiting to be completed and put on the single bed springs Ive had Ronnie diligently dismember from a twin bed we were throwing away. Ive got patterns and designs cut out and awaiting my attention. I am going to spend the day painting, baking, sewing, and healing. My "bigatzus" in place, my apron is on., the ora-gels been slathered generously and tastes yucky but Im numbed to the gills, & my lab-ora-tory of life awaits me.
I hope you all feel the beauty and importance of true spirit of Christmas, you have all improved the quality of mine.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Harvesting the Blessings

Happy Harvest...

The groceries have been purchased, "Theodore" the 23 lb. turkey is on the bottom shelf of the fridge thawing, the things to do lists are made, and invites have been out. Theodore was "free" because I had spent a certain amount of money at our grocery store during November...I wonder how "free" poor Theodore feels sitting in the bottom of my fridge!!!!! STILL,I am a happy woman.

I didnt ask for because I cook enough for an army, and I like to be surprized. Ive always done better inviting a crew of friends, and they seem to visit in twos or threes at a time. Feeling welcome with our open house, open door kind of tradition. I have invited several people from a local halfway house to join us for dinner, because I know in early recovery, sometimes the holidays are hard. Heck, I know sometimes the Holidays are hard for late bloomers as well. In the past, these men and women surround our table and then while we serve desserts, and coffee, we dim the lights, light a couple of candles, and have an informal gratitude meeting. My husband and I have been humbled many times with the amount of gut level sharing some of these often tough exteriored recovering people share from.

Im also very happy that my youngest son Jordan will be sharing dinner with us this year. Last year, I only saw him for dessert and coffee, but this year since he moved back home with us, hes MINE....ALL MINE!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

My oldest son will be sharing Thanksgiving w/ his wife in their new home for the first time, and although Ill miss him, Im very happy for him. Very proud, that he is a homeowner at such a young age.

Some of these people Ive invited, I havent even met, they are friends of friends who know I dont like to be without the warmth of friendship on the holidays either, so no, this has nothing to do with charity. I sent the halfway houses an open invite for either dinner and or coffee and desserts. my home is within walking distance. I just get a kick out of the end result, because we just never know who, or how the day will end, but weve never been disappointed.

I would like to share about the amazing friends I have in my life, I heard my husband yelling from downstairs yesterday while I was answering my emails, "Honnnnn????, did you order something from Kentucky????" so I came barreling down the stairs at a dangerous rate of speed speed for a woman my age....and I was getting ready to defend the fact that I couldnt afford to order anything since weve been faced with some recent changes, Ive been seeking part time employment, and I realized this heavy box wasnt anything I ordered at all. Whew.... It was a box loaded w/ prim stamps, clear acrylic blocks for the stamps, 2 back issues and one recent, of my favorite magazine, prim notecards, prim this and prim that...I felt like I was in PRIM HEAVEN!!!!!! The postage alone must have cost a Kings randsom. It was from a friend who just wanted to surprize me, and make me happy! and did she ever. I was naturally as joyful as a child on Christmas morning, unwrapping my goodies one at a time, savoring each one, but I was more touched with the fact that I have precious friends in my life, who not only mean the world to me, but I obviously mean much to them as well.

Then my friend Robby asked me if I had recieved anything in the mail from her recently? and I said "no why what did you send? and she wasnt talking!!!! hhmmm, (shes a sneaky one that one...) what did I do to deserve these friends in my life? No... really??? what did I do? I want to make sure I keep it up!!!!

So since Ill be busy job hunting, cleaning, unloading fabric, paint, and patterns, and searching for my dining room table to decorate, preparing for our Thanksgiving dinner, I wont be posting until after Thursday. I hope each and every one of you are blessed, and not just feasting on delicious homemade dinners, desserts and goodies, but feasting on the gratitude of the blessings in our lives. You are all blessings to me.

Kats Thanksgiving Menu....

Theodore...the turkey.
sausage and apple stuffing,
real mashed potatoes, w/ ranch dressing, real bacon, and sour cream.
whipped sweet potatoes
sliced apples ,yams, with marshmallow topping
cranberry sauce served in hallowed out oranges
fresh green bean casserole
hot dinnerrolls

homemade apple pie ala mode
boston cream pie
pumpkin pie
chocolate cream pie
and coffee. lots of coffee.

The only presents required, is your presence...and stretch pants!!!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Happy Giving Thanks!

Thanksgiving is one week from today. Yet that doesnt mean I dont feel a spirit of Giving Thanks "every day". I think you all know, "who" and "what" I am so very thankful for...Living a life that has been spared time and time again, keeps me on my knees thanking God every morning and each night for blessing me with a daily reprieve to live my life with a spirit of excellence, & the "well" that supplies me with gratitude keeps me compelled to give back to the very best of my ability. It is not an obligation, it is a privilidge.

When youve lost precious people, places, and things in your life, and then being blessed with a second and hundredth chance to do it all over again & rebuild, you tend to get up and honor God, the Universe, and the mentors who believed in you on that journey back to the living.

One of those mentors Id like to share with you is a woman Ill call "Mary" .It seems fitting that in this season of giving, that I share with you what this one woman God has done has done just by being obedient to God when He didnt just whisper to her, but kind of insisted that she reach out to me. Mary giggles and teases me when she shares this w/ me, she says, she said to God..".Are you sure Lord, that you want me to open my heart to this one? and maybe not someone else??? someone "not" so difficult?" "Nope the Lord said...Your assignment is to take Kat with her broken self & love her back to life"...and did she ever. She expressed to me years later when I questioned her as to why she took such a risk w/ me? why did she believe in me? and she said, she "didnt" believe in "me" at first, she believed in "God" first. Then she humbly replied, that sometimes loving the seemingly unloveable, unapproachable, or really lost, is what real lovers of Christ do, she said helping, loving, and guiding... happy, joyous and free people are easy, almost like preaching to the choir. What a valueable lesson for me. This is soooo true.

I came to Mary so untrusting, rough, angry, scarred, labeled, sick and suffering, and pummeled with issues of post traumatic stress disorder from the abuses I suffered from my childhood and then situations I had put myself in from the throes of addiction.

Every Wednesday morning for the last 3 years, I went to her office for an ahour and a half. She never charged me, judged me or put conditions on me. Each visit was only contingent on my continued sobriety. and Im not going to bore you w/ the blow by blows of our journey, and its to personal and precious to share anyway, but for those of you who know me, its no secret that Im commited to giving back all Ive been touched with, Ive been blessed w/ the unbelieveable gift of finding the passion of creating, sewing and painting, and have a love for whimsical and primitive art that probably borders on unhealthy.

I have been blessed with the miracle of healing through Gods mercy, and amazing grace and my message today is that when we follow Gods will in our lives, even when we would rather follow our own, that lives are touched, blessed, and beautiful wings are grown. Butterflies are born and Katerpillars die. So I thank Mary for giving me a part of her spirit, time, and treasures. One of the reasons I am so commited to rebuilding my life, and constantly pushing myself and improving it, is to Honor the women just like Mary who have believed in me when I didnt.

Well Im a part of another swap...A Christmas Swap. OOHHHH Im so excited, because my partner loves snowmen, raggedies,& salt box houses...My sewing machine has been smokin. Im also filling a couple of orders for Christmas gifts, & making a few of my own, Im making lots of primsical, & whimitive goodies to sell. Im in a craft fair on Dec. 8th, so Im in my glory, & working hard to build an inventory that will hopefully make people want to decorate their homes for the holidays and surprise their loved ones with a couple of my designs and there any better kind of pressure????

Im planning my shopping list and menu for our Thanksgiving dinner. My youngest son Jordan, has moved back home last Friday to help save for another car, since someone felt evil enough to steal his. So Im not an empty nester WWWHHOOO WHHOOOO. he actually asked if I had anything to do with his car being stolen. LOL. Im a little sad that my oldest son wont be home for this holiday but Im also thrilled that he and his wife are celebrating these upcoming holidays in their brand new home. How very exciting. Im going to ask Santa to bring me more big girl panties, Ive been having to wear my old ones an awful lot this past year.

My wish for all of you on this season of giving thanks, is that you all feel the beautiful presence of God, or Your Higher Power in your lives and feel much peace. I wish for you much health, uncommon favor, abundance, and mindblowing miracles, as Miss Blondie says" may you be embarrassed w/ blessings" I pray that were all open to believing that "we already have all we need". "That we all "want" what we already have". Im usually to caught up in wanting what I dont have rather than thanking God for all I do have. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours....

Thursday, November 8, 2007

What A Wonderful Life!

That was our wedding song...What A Wonderful Life. 11 years ago today, I was up at 4:15 frying eggplant, onions & peppers, trying to organize one of the many platters of food I was cooking and preparing for our 68 guests to enjoy, later that day, occasionally checking the dripping"Blazing Cinnamon" haircolor piled high on my spiky locks, a strip of color on each eyebrow to keep it all natural! HA!!!! (There hasnt been anything natural on this kid since the 70s!!!!) I was 15 minutes late for our wedding...did you actually think I wouldnt have shown up???? (rabid pitbulls wouldnt have kept me from my handsome groom that day!)

Anyway, I was buzzin around my kitchen really too busy to have been doing what I should have been doing, which was thanking God in advance for blessing me with this man in which I was about to embark on one of the wildest journeys in my life. Eleven married years but 18 together. God knows how grateful I am for this man who has relentless amounts of energy, enthusiasm for life, and his continued commitment to do the best he can loving me...whats a few facial twitches?

Im sure anyone who knows Ronnie and or I (personally) are probably thinking... WHAT???? Its not all been Nirvana or Bliss. And theyre right, besides, who doesnt occasionally feel like smothering their significant other while he sleeps peacefully, after a night of arguing about whos right, wrong, or to blame???? No "hot monkey, make up, sex" for us.... but the blessing for me, is that were still together. Not for the kids....theyre gone...not for the house...we dont own one...not for the money...we dont have any! I also remember a few years ago when physical seperation had been necessary, I think most people grieved as much as we had. When we were ready, Ronnie and I had made the commitment to put forth any energy and hard work into maintaining, & improving our marriage rather than the draining energy & heartbreak it would take to physically leave, establish 15 years worth of closure, and then START ALL OVER AGAIN being single???...Oh no... besides... Im not nearly done driving him crazy with my "Lucy Moments" "Reality check for Kat"... Who would put up with my messy and always missing dining room table thats disappeared under piles of fabric, thread, paints and supplies? Who would know instinctively to slam on the brakes when were driving, and there are a gazillion perfect pinecones,& thistles, to be rescued, or a piece of bark that looks like a Santa or Snowman head? Who would patiently drive me to a folk art craft show in the blinding snow, when he came home for a hot sandwhich, coffee,& tylenol, while plowing? My husband... thats who.

Ronnie is 6feet 4inches tall, has long brown & recently peppered hair kept in a long braid, or pony tail, has tattooed sleeved arms, wears a skull cap, jeans, work boots, and a black leather jacket, & is told all the time he resembles actor "Steven Segal" (without the bloated face)...on Steven not Ronnie! LOL
Hes half Lakota Sioux & his high cheekbones, & twinkling eyes have gotten both into, and out of alot of trouble in our relationship! I envy his spirit of expectancy, and that natural part of his personality that keeps him constantly laughing & smiling, even when there isnt much to smile about. His love for Jesus & life just shines through his eyes. He asks me all the time when Im a doubting Thomas..."Do you know who my Daddy Is?"All is well in Ronnies world.

I used to think wed never see our first 5 years, its no secret there was alot of painful times before we both surrendered and accepted Gods mercy, love, & amazing grace. We courageously made the conscious decision to change our lives, & then we both commited to the long healing process from addiction. I believe God rewards effort, and man, have we been blessed. BEYOND our wildest dreams have we been touched. There isnt a scientific reason I can think of as to why either of us should be alive, and or together...never mind unwrapping this wild ride of life.

I believe age has also mellowed us. We love a very simple lifestyle. Its a good thing we both love primitive...Id be screwed if I was as passionate for a contemporary expensive decorating style!

We are both nuts over flea market finds, tag sales, or thrown away goodies orphaned on the curb awaiting the garbage truck! We drag it home, clean it, strip it, paint it, distress it, and make it worthy again and give it a second chance to bless someone....hhhmmm, kind of like what God did with us!!!! Sometimes Ronnie will find a piece that just "calls" him to woodburn it. He had such a "calling" recently when he took an old oval end table, & worked his magic on it .He burned a magnificent, kick ass Harley Davidson on this table...I know our home is completely Olde American, but if it doesnt sell, it will grace a corner of the bedroom, w/ the rest of our Native American collectables, & aniques. He a phenomenal artist and a professional welder/fabricator and is planning on designing and welding funky holiday lawn ornaments! I cannot wait until he unleashes those unbridled ideas.

So Happy Anniversery Ronnie. I thank you for not giving up when anyone else would have bailed, and have, I never had to worry about what your ass or elbows looked like, you were always by my side, loving me, supporting, encouraging me, researching the variety of medical diagnosis' Ive suffered with, all the business risks I took, some good, some not so good, always celebrating, or embracing whatever crazy idea I have had about carrying the message or helping another addict seeking recovey, usually at the most inconvenient of times, you understood thats why they were called crisis'. Weve stood on many street corners handing out sandwhiches, cigarettes, and resource numbers, with hopes of saving another brother or sister, from this devestating & potentially fatal disease of addiciton. I love the way you love.

Thank you for loving our 2 sons as if they were your own flesh and blood. They adore you too. They always came to you first, when they were in trouble. I dont blame them, you were always so calm, non judgemental, and always offered a solution, before I ever knew what was going on. You provided them with the cushion, when I was busy being the hysterical Mom. Thank you for being such an amazing grampa to our furbabies "Opie" & Mr. O'Malley who thrive for your affection when all you want to do is come home ,have your coffee and take them boots off. Off to the park you go for Opies daily constitutional. I thank you for being my number one fan when I create anything. When I recently woke you up from a sound sleep all excited to show you that 3 of my painted projects were included on a famous artists website...I asked you if you wanted my did! (God I love you)
Dolls, body parts, snowmen, and paint come sometimes long before dinner does, and still you look at me with all the wonder in your heart, and you melt mine...time and time have made my life... a wonderful life.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Say Thanks for free.

I just found this AMAZING and wonderful site where you can send a soldier serving in Iraq a card of thanks...for free. right now...I did.

just go to....

& touch someone. I thank you as a Mom who was blessed with the safe return of my own hero who told me how much anything he recieved was what kept he and his bretheren going.

I thank you as an American woman who regardless of your opinion of this war, that we have our sons, daughters, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, and friends, over their right now sacrificing every familiar, & safe, form of comfort that we all take for granted, that you take a minute & send these heros a card for free!!!! and remind them they are being prayed for, thought of and await their safe return....... This small act is not an obligation for me, it is a privilidge.... This our chance to "Tell em how...Tell em now!

Saturday, October 27, 2007


Computer Madness!!!!!!It must be Hallows Eve, Goblins or Witches From Salem Mass. messing w/ everyones computers lately. Ive talked w/ a couple of other friends who have been having computer nightmares or hauntings!!!! I think the witches from Eastwick trying to mess w/ me, underestimated my tenacity and love for what I do & I wouldnt just give up and cry, but Id find the solution, resources, and succeed.

Perhaps they werent aware of the awesome support & other computer savy friends I have willing to help me. Or maybe they were unaware that although my being a neophyte on this computer, only temporarily challenge me, I should actually thank the witch or glitch in my life, all this has done has taught me more about how to master this & put me in a position to learn a little more. Im not stoopid!!!! NOOOOO....Im not a victim...Im a victor. Whatevers meant for evil ALWAYS turns to good. I am a Child of God. Who before me? with my God behind me?????

Ive missed posting, I didnt panic, I knew Id be back soon. So here I am...I am so excited to share about the swap I was in from "Grapevine Hollow Forum". I recieved from Denise (Cats Pyjamas) an adoreable card w/ "frankenstein" on front telling me this was from my favorite freak!!! then my swap goodies consited of an ADOREABLE folkart pumpkin doll w/ a paper clay sculpted head, a cloth stuffed body w/ a hand sewn, primitive jacket, and pants, then a paper machie(sp) pumpkin she painted, a sweet candle tin, and a bag of gingerbread cookie flavored grubby tarts from Bramble Hill. (mmmm) yummy! She shared the last of her stash with me. I feel sooo spoiled. All of her goodies will grace my home for years to come. Thank you again Denise.

I cant wait to hear whether or not my secret swap partner enjoyed the goodies I made for her. I painted her a Terrye French Design on a pillow made from stained osnaburg. It was a prim scene of a couple pumpkins, a saltbox house.& a sheep. I stamped a cute tag that celebrates the Fall Season, I also included one of my first witches hats wrapped at the brim was a strip of stained cheesecloth w/ some lavendar & baby breath sewn safely inside, makes a nice table arrangement or a fill in w/ other halloween knick knacks, then I included my own design of an ornapin of a prim witch painted & sewn to sit on her lapel or seasonal tree, & last I included a pair of round pumpkin wooden earrings I enjoyed painting. Im sure shell be posting them soon on the G.V.H. message board when she gets a chance. I had such fun being a part of this swap.

I have to venture out to shop for our halloween goodies to give out on Wednesday evening. I usually have to wait until the very last minute or the sweet eating goblin I married will go thru whatever I buy & try to blame it on his chocolate begging cohort..."Opie". Theres alot of breath smelling in my house at this time of year in search for the truth along w/ gentle prodding from the cattle equitment I keep for emergencies such as these, so Im going to save myself that trouble this year and shop a little later and then... avoiding the truth myself when Im asked: "Hon didnt you buy any halloween chocolate yet?" I guess Ill chance that my nose will grow as Pinnochios did when he felt compelled to fib!

I want to wish everyone a Fabulous Falloween. Be Aware of the Witches & Goblins in your own life that may devious & silly enough to think that "The Universal Law" of "Reaping What You Sow" NO ONE escapes or cheats this law of the land. Whatever you throw out comes back to you 10 fold. So Rock On & remember this..."When you always do what you always always get what you always got" When theres no change...theres no change! Thank you all my "Bounty Hunters" who have reminded me of the importance searching or in my case hunting for the true meaning of the Harvest and Bounty in my life! I love you too.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Miracles & More...........

Since I dont yet have pics...although Ive clearly learned how to set & color my printing...I am making arrangements to learn how to remove my pop up blockers preventing me from attatching & posting my pics, right after I learn how to organize & my albums!!!! Miracles on the way!!!!

Miracles & More...

One of the most beautiful miracles I cant wait to share w/ everyone is that my Mom has been nausea free & feeling pretty good since she began her brave journey on chemo therapy! Thank you "Jesus", Thank you "friends" for the prayers, I am so grateful and am convinced this is a miracle...How many cancer patients have you heard on chemo that arent ever wracked w/ debilitating side affects? I understand this may change at any given moment, and shes only begun her first week, but Im not a fool, I thank God anyway. I will take this as a miracle and the blessing that it is.
I wish I could do this for her, but I cant, so I shall pray w/o ceasing.
Mom isnt interested in computers or blogs, so she wont read this but she knows how very proud we all are of her. How inspired we are to walk through some of our own fears because of her courage. Thank you Mom for promising to give this your best shot! You are my hero...whatever the outcome may be...whether your able to complete this therapy or need to stop, You have already blessed us w/ the lesson in "Willingness and Faith". Thank you.

Miracles & more...

Now I have some exciting news that I wish I could share w/ you, but I need to wait for a little while longer until I have it in writing, (the phone calls & emails werent enough) but something very important to me is being published!!!!!! The details will be provided as soon as they are made available to me. Im sure youll hear my primal screams of glory & excitement anyway!

Miracles & More...

I have designed the most adoreable primitive snow people. (it would be politically incorrect for me to refer to them as "snowmen") I have been busy at my slow, & limping, sewing machine ( she reminds me of me, full of flaws, defects, battered, & tired...but still she moves forward) LOL. The miracle in these designs as in anything I create, is the fact that I disregarded the "warning labels" ingrained in my spirit as a young woman. I was told not to try sewing because w/ my learning disabilities, Id only dissapoint myself. I was told, "stick w/ what you know" was the suggestion, "dont set yourself up for failure" "You have barriers and you need to accept them" MIRACLES & MORE...The devil is a liar. I design, sew, market my work, paint like a banchi, bake real pie crusts, managed to create my own blog, I love to write, and I will learn how to needle punch a completed project and I WILL LEARN HOW TO POST PICTURES!!!!!!!!
Until recently, I had been a victim to these warning labels. Labels do nothing but lie. They tell your spirit that you are stupid, unworthy of having all God promised for us. They prevent us from growing into the authentic, beautiful spirited people we all deserve to be. Dont these are lies... Im so grateful I was a rebel of sorts, otherwize I wouldnt have moved the mountain of limitations that were ingrained in me. I wouldnt be the recovering, clean, & sober, painting, sewing, piemaking , home decorating, loving woman, & soon to be picture posting fool that I am, I would be coloring "inside" the lines w/ a beer, & a joint in my hand...and so much more....Challenge yourself...if they said no? you say yes... if you heard never? you say NOW!!! We can do anything... we put our minds to do...we can be whoever we want to be.... Celebrate life,,,dont endure it. When you want something youve never had must do something youve never done before. (one of my best lessons)

Miracles & More...

Gratitude list.....
Thank you Lord, for returning Helenas son to her after a tour in Iraq...Welcome home Mathew,(Doc) Thank you for protecting us, Thank you for your sacrifice, your Patriotism, making your Mom soooo proud and joyful for "who you are". I am grateful for "Whos you are"

Thank you for the blessing in the misdiagnosis of a friends lump. Thank God for lumpy boobs!!!!!

Thank you for the friends in my life, I know it wasnt all that long ago that I was too sick to embrace, honor, or participate in one of the greatest gifts in life...friendship. The phenomenal women in my life are too many to share, you know who you are. These arent just women in my neighborhood, or run of the mill women...these are POWER HITTERS!!!! Professional friends who have the ability to turn a difficult, day around by making me pee my pants w/ laughter, or move me to tears w/ a surprise blessing,.. You are successful artists, Prayer warriors, encouragers, supporters, mentors, & sisters of mine who probably arent even aware of the profound impact theyve had in my life. I read theyre blogs and learn so much about how to handle myself in chaotic moments, or when some earth disturber is trying to ...well disturb me by trying to pummel me for sport...I point & click and theres Blondie, Stacey, Jennifer, Susan, Kim, Stephanie, Diane,Karen (my therapist & life coach) my sistah Kathey, & my biologiclal sister Ginnie, teaching me how to maintain a spirit of class, femininity, grace,& I walk away w/ my head held high, my integrity in tact and Im off & prepared to move yet another mountain... or at least paint, punch, or post one.

Im grateful for the difficult lesson Im learning about forgiveness. I am soooo stubborn. I am a work in progress. I am commited to prayer & change.

Im grateful that Im able to get lost in my passion, Create in my dining room table of paint, thread, fabric, something to honor and express my thanks for being able to think outside the box..., color outside of the lines of life. Freak someone out and just bless them w/ something special for no reason other than loving them out loud. (because NICE MATTERS) it was done to me this very morning & I cant wait to do it in return before todays end... (thank you Kathey & Dennis) BIG SMOOCH!!!

I am very much thankful for my blessings, my miracles, my gifts. Until the next time, I pray that whoever shares this blog w/ me & wants to know me a little better, that you all find a place of peace today &,that youll be blessed beyond measure. live this day w/ a spirit of enthusiasm, & expectancy....Dont quit 5 minutes before your miracles about to happen.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Tell em now...Tell em how!!!!!

Im not going to miss one more oppertunity to tell another loved one how much they mean to me. Sometimes when were thumpin thru our day, & its taken all the energy we have to just show up at the bathroom sink to brush our beavers, & face another tough one, the phone will ring, or an e-mail sent,& an unexpected expression of someones kindness will just catapult me in to such a place of healing and hope.

I had to say goodbye to my dad a little more than 3 weeks ago. I feel good that although we were estranged for 10 years, I mustered the courage to visit him (to his surprize) while he was in hospice. I felt like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, my weak knees buckling, & straw flying all over the place, even being supported by my husbands strong arms, a little like the cowardly lion as well, (I do believe in spooks, I do...I do) tail between my legs, & very true to my business name (Scaredy Kat) Yet what scared me "more" was what I would feel if I didnt say goodbye & thank him before he passed. I know the courage supplied was bigger than me. The gift of courage was absolutely the prayers, & support I was anointed with from the women in my life.

Today, my courageous little 82 year old mom walks thru her own fears while she sits thru 3 hours of an I.V. administered chemotherapy, & comes back tomorrow, & the day after, finally a three week break & then all over again. Thank you for your continued prayers. I am so inspired and proud of her willingness to bless us w/ this therapy that shes only doing for us. I am torn. I know that a positive attitude is a part of this therapy, one that shes just too tired for. Already in pain, sick w/ nausea, & fatigue, I understand her fear of the chemo side affects robbing what little life she has left, but she is my mom, my sons Gram, my step dads wife. I feel as though I am betraying her wishes to be left alone and allow nature to take it course.

So I will call her before she leaves today, (Im sick & unable to go in fear of comprimising her immune system) & tell her how much I love and admire her. Maybe she needs to hear it again while shes at her own sink this morning doing the best she can.

Im going to tell my oldest son, who is a policeman (I know birthing a cop from these loins "IS" a hoot for anyone knowing my history:) how I am so thankful that he forgave me and utilized what the devil meant for bad and God turned into good. He is one of my many heros. He would be yours too if you knew him personally. He protected all of us when he served in the U.S. Airforce, & was in Iraq fighting for our freedom and out rights w/ countless other brave soldiers. Have you hugged a soldier today? Try it, they love it. you dont have to know him/her, if you see one in their fatigues in the store & their home on leave? shake their hand, thank them. Tell em!!!!
Then theres my youngest, definitely no desire for a criminal justice career!!!! but very much my hero. Hes the brave one who sat my sick ass down years ago when he was 16 and gave me a painful but life saving "one on one" intervention from my disease from addiction. I know his knees were probably weak as well. I wasnt very open to help...until he courageously loved me out loud...very LOUD. The experience was personal but profound & if it werent for him, Im convinced I would be dead. Thank you my sweetheart. I am living my life today trying to honor the life you saved that awful day so many lifetimes ago. I am privilidged to be your Mom. Your laundry lady, your cook & sewer of jeans. (Who makes the best Kat McMuffins?) You are an amazing man blessed w/being a gifted mechanic...I know "Dont hate the player, hate the game" (my lil cassanova!) not so little hes 6"5 tall." I love men in uniforms & grease on their hands.

So when I hear my friends online, & those who know me personally, tell me how proud they are of the changes Ive made in my life, or the people Ive tried to touch, how could I fail w/ the phenomenal lovers of life and warriors of hope How could I possibly fail? They are tough acts to follow. Thats why I am commited... to tell em now..tell em how... inspiredme, how proud I am of each & every one of them.
I havent forgotten to introduce you to my amazing hubs. hes next and deserves a post all of his own.

So take a minute & reflect on the loved ones in your own life, who make a difference, or touch you. I cannot possibly name "all" who I celebrate. Most are women, I consider my cyber sisters. Some are in my personal life on a daily basis. Most motivated me to push myself, my passion for my work, my art, and teach me how to live a life of excellence. Life is so tell em now... tell em how......

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Harvest Thyme!

The Fall Has Sprung....
The Pumpkins Have Ris...
I Wonder Where My Energy Is!!!!!

60 faceless pumpkins to paint for a local farm, an additional 20 to paint & market myself, sit in my dining room, & kitchen awaiting personalities, a dozen brand new stuffed witches hats Ive recently learned to create also in line for embellishments & eventual marketing, not to mention a fall swap I was crazy enough to participate in just idleing in the birth canal of creativity. AAAAARGGGHHHHH! Theyre all excited & curious to see what I will create for them. Did I mention Im also battling the" gift that keeps on giving" w/ an upper respiratory infection, my husband just recovered from???? yah... thanks hon! Is the temporary relief of nyquil worth the nasty taste?????

I have heard of several other artisans, work & succeed best under this kind of pressure. I have to admit, I seem to thrive w/ this blessed insanity as well. Whats up w/ that? I guess I feel some sense of purpous, maybe I feel needed now that my kids have left me...I mean left "home".(freudian slip) Creating, designing, the paint, threads, brushes, and bolts of fabric surrounding my living space just offers me a level of comfort. I am feeling that familiarity of peace, that I am needing right now since losing my Dad.I know hes peaceful and safe...its me who feels so lost. I know it will pass, I know if God brought me to it, Hell bring me through it. Im just so grateful Ive been blessed w/ this passion that provides me a way to zone out rather than the old way I used to "go away" when I wasnt clean& sober. "I am a butterfly today"..,Im able to embrace being in the sweet presence of my Higher Powers amazing grace when Im in my messy isle of fabric!

Celebrating this time of Harvest is so precious to me. I embrace the morning chill w/ a sweatshirt, flip flops ,a cup of coffee, my journal & favorite fatty pen. Opie & I sit on the deck and pray. well I pray...Opie pees & chases the squirrels! I sit quietly & thank God, the Universe for the lessons & strength Im promised, once I walk through this grief. Im trying to walk fast,....building spiritual muscle hurts. Saying goodbye always does.

While I journal, I give thanks to all the women who have supported me, encouraged, and have been loving me back to life. I have been lovingly overwhelmed w/ emails, e-cards, phone calls, endless posts from women Ive never personally met but have grown to love online. I have been focusing on my evergrowing gratitude for the insatiable desire to learn all I can on this computer, learning new ways to create, design, & keep up w/ the mindblowing artists in my life.

Harvesting for me is finding ways to give back. hopefully even a portion of what Ive been blessed with. I would be incredibly selfish if I took my blessings and ran w/o giving back. Harvest thyme means...just that. I am a firm cannot keep what you have unless you give it away. Somehow, making cards w/ other recovering clean and sober women to send to our U.S. Troops to let them know theyre honored & not forgotten just doesnt seem to be enough. I guess I have my work cut out for me, as I paint whimsical faces on my new orange friends begging for my attention & imagination.

I will end this entry by thanking all of you who have been praying for my healing, both physical & spiritual. I thank you in advance for praying for my Mom who was recently diagnosed w/ small cell limited lung cancer. I will keep you all lifted in prayer and keep the white light of hope burning for all of us.
What I do know for sure is...... that I shall "Trust in the Lord w/ all of my heart, Lean NOT on my own understanding. acknowledge Him in all my ways and He will direct my path." Prov.3:5
so dat be dat... "come on Opie... you have done enough harvesting on the trees!"
P.S. I promise pics are soon on the way!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

What kind of name is that?????

What kind of name is Katerpillars no more???? well almost everyone who knows me, knows Im upfront about being in a program of recovery to help me live a life free of substances & alcohol for a long time now...anyone who knows me also cant imagine me being on "anything" that would exaggerate my already in your face, and none to shy personality. although I like to think of these traits as my "passion" for life...for people...for creating art...for always embracing my authentic spirit, and hopefully yours, well whatever we choose to call it... Im not the lost person I was before I surrendered to recovery! . (back to the story) I consider my life then as a caterpillars. They begin rebirthing in a cocoon while they prepare to change & then blossom into the beautiful butterflies they finally become. but not before alot of hard work, & Im sure a spiritual transformation. As uncertain as life may be as a butterfly, one thing is for sure... it can never again go back to being a caterpillar. I wont look back, & I was rewarded w/ becoming free to discover my love for painting, sewing & creating primsical & whimitive art. So Many little time.
So since my business name is Scaredy Kat Folkheart...I thought it appropo that I honor my God, the other butterflies who have flown before me w/ my new blog name. I originally applied for "Scaredy Katerpillars no more" but wont know until I publish this post. prior to the cocoon I was a Scardey Kat...but no more! (smile) I am going to soon post pics of some of my designs, and in my efforts creating, hopefully honor other artists by combining their wonderful creativity w/ mine, ( I will always acknowledge these teachers who happen to be fellow artists if I use their patterns.) my friends, family, (who happen to include my adoreable J.R.T "Opie", my overweight mainecoone cat "Mr.O'Malley" & of course the wind beneath my wings... "Ronnie" the hubs!
Im sure as soon as all my support network on the boards learn I have my own blog, (I can hear them clapping now) (for them not me!) they know they wont have to be bored w/ my long winded tales, hopes, and dreams any longer. I have my own blog & Im learning to fly!!!!! Im sure Ill get better at this, so thank all of my creative mentors and muses who encouraged, inspired, and begged me to do this...We are all free!