Im not one to make New Year Resolutions because they only last a week or so and then I feel the same let down in myself Im sure everyone feels. and Im back to smoking, over eating, and swearing like a drunkin sailor. and feel like the biggest LOSER!!!!
So I shall try and consider the changes Id like to incorporate into my life for 2008...Changes of the tide. ya know different seasons...different reasons.
Id like to share a few of these changes with you so I can remain honest and if I get called out on any of them, maybe Ill get back on track. Sometimes Ill do something for someone else before Id do it for myself. Hence my first change...
I really need to look at why I spread myself so thin. I know I try to please God, but after careful reflection, I think Hed be more pleased with me if I took better care of myself so I could do "more" for others without feeling tore up from the floor up. I remember painfully when my son was younger him screaming at me "Do I have to be homeless to get your attention?" GULP!!!!!!
I also think one of the reasons I run so hard, is to avoid looking within myself. I know Ive made some great personal changes, but I didnt make those, God did. He plucked me from the throes of addiction. Its my turn to begin honoring the temple that He blessed me with. Cuz this temple is a MESS! I... I... I... I mean a mmmess!!!! I am running on empty and putting the people that really matter on the back burner and if I dont re-evaluate the importance of these people Ive been neglecting "all in the honor of helping the needy", Im going to fail miserably. So Charity begins in the home first. I believe God wont mind in fact Im sure its Him grinding away in the pit of my spirit, insisting that I slow down and reprioritize.
I have so much inside of me just bursting to come forth and bear fruit...in a variety of areas. I have tried to take short and inexpensive short cuts and find ways to piece work learning this computer. I cannot believe the desire to "want" to learn. I am amazed at what can be done on this thing. But I am limited and couldnt justify money I didnt have to take real classes. I am aware It costs money to make money. Taking a class is an essential I am commiting to.It isnt anyones responsibility to teach me...it is mine alone. SIMPLIFY!!!!
I am going to take the plunge and pray the fear away that had prevented me in the past to learn new sewing techniques, designs to promise and produce fruit, that have scared the "Be De Jesus" out of me...Scaredy Kat no more. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can....I KNOW I CAN!!! IM A KAT CAN DO!!!!(I think)
Im also going to honor all that God has provided me with in terms of redoing and creating marketable treasures out of the small end pieces of furniture I have, awaiting my tide to change in my cellar. I have some GREAT pieces just waiting for me to commit to. Ive picked up, found, purchased, and haggled for, end tables, chairs, magazine racks, milk cans, antiques and lots of wood for making primitive signs, just sitting there patiently waiting for me to appreciate and utilize the gifts of creativity I have been blessed with. Not to mention the financial potential it can afford me. Im such a procrastinator. (maybe I just fear success...wonder what Freud would have to say about that one?)
So lots of blessings to unfold within me. I have all the materials, the desire, and once I get a regular schedule if Im not laid off, (in which then I will have all the time in the world) I have the willingness. I just think my prayers have got to change and instead of pleading for things I dont have...(and Im a pushy prayer too. I ask for things before the end of the business day) can you imagine the laughing God does at me? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Was that you Lord? and Ive got to begin thanking God for the awareness of blessing me with that I have all I need. I always have...I just didnt know it. It was hidden under all the fear, all the whining....So on January 2nd I shall think of myself as the "Princess of Tides" and honor the messy temple, cellar, & all the hats I wear & share with all of you. HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!!