My Blog List

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Sufficient Grace

Im pretty proud of myself for finally completing this picnic basket I found on one of my flea market hunts this past summer, (Renee Mullins design) in fact, it gave me so much trouble when I first tried sealing it with the wood not wanting to soak up anything even after some serious sanding...I base coated it, & put it away for 3 weeks.
I hate admitting defeat, so needing some distraction from some personal panic I was feeling, I picked it up last week & mannnnnnnnnnn...I cant believe the cussin flyin out of my sailor mouth.
I was expecting Opie to put his paws over his ears while he sat there looking at me as if to say..."When did SHE join the Navy with that mouth?"
Yeah... all this swearing while sportin a sweatshirt saying..."Peace Happens"
Im an idiot.
Then I painted this sweet winter scene from my recent issue of Create N Decorate that one of my dear friends surprized me with, on a piece of duck cloth & made a little pillow to tuck somewhere to celebrate winter. Its a design by Kathryn Wrona. Im not generally good with snowy scenes but Im pleased with this piece Im giving to a friend for Christmas.
Peace DID happen while painting this.
I titled this blog entry Sufficient Grace for a reminder to myself that no matter what kind of fears Im facing, Christs Grace is ALWAYS sufficient for me. I...we...will be taken care of.
My panic is the size of a monster because whenever the Surgeon calls, Ronnie will be going in for Hernia surgery this coming week.
Yes, before Christmas
& no, no health insurance,
and no... to sick pay.....
No weapon formed against us shall prosper.
I am grateful we found a wonderful clinic not concerned about one more American without health insurance, only in the finding a solution to make them well again.
The care we are recieving while going thru this is probably better than some of the care weve had when we did have pricey private insurance.....see? His Grace is indeed sufficient.
I am grateful my poor husband is pain free (with the help of some good pain meds) & although hes unable to work until after he heals from this surgery, he is not in pain today. After not having anything in his system for so many years, needless to say they hit him like a tank, I knew cuz he was professing his appreciation & gratitude for me for the past 21 years...and then he got the munchies, & was laughing hysterically....for COMMERCIALS on tv!!!!
Dude.....really? hes such a cheap date....after hearing his speech about his undying love for me, Im thinkin I may slip him a mickey when this is all said & due for a referesher....
Im just sayin, a girls gotta do.....
Back to my gratitude list....
We have a beautiful twinkling Christmas tree to remind us of the real reason for this season.
We will be eating again today, we will be sleeping in a warm house with clean sheets & quilts (cuz its Saturday & its laundry day)
We have each other,
our pets,
our friends and sons who check in on us daily & keep us in prayers & much laughter.
I feel powerless because since my own issues with pain & weakness in my thumb, Im unable to work even part time to help us out. I do however have an appt. with my attorney this Monday after having an Independent Medical Exam last week & he cant even begin to rate my disability until this is this point I have a 100% disability & Im hoping my attorney will have information about a new Workmans Comp doctor so I can have the 3d surgery I so desperately need & get my quality of life back including a stable income. Im so discourgared since a couple of months ago my thumb began curling into my palm & it hurts to straighten it back out.....
this cant be good.
So Ive written out all of my Christmas cards, but I cant justify the 20 bucks for 2 or more books of stamps Ill need.
Ive got bigger fish to fry.
like Christmas dinner, scripts Ronnie will need after surgery...gas for the truck, etc....
My perspective has taken quite the turn after seeing my husband in so much pain, & feeling so scared that he wont be able to provide for us while he waits for surgery & afterwards & the time to recover.
I keep going to extra meetings, I stay closely connected to my prayer warrior sisters who never insult me with pity but with words & acts of love & encouragement even when I cant possibly afford to keep up with the bake offs, Christmas parties, shopping, or the usual festivities I used to think were the end all & be all to being worthy to self & others...
I was sadly mistaken.....
Babbling phone calls to Natalie, talking to our son, snuggling up to Ronnie while stitching & watching tv together with Opie competing for our attention... Praying for our group members on Friday mornings that not only do they remain clean & sober during their first Christmas, which can be stressful, sometimes family-less-ness holiday....but embrace the beauty of friendship.
Im so grateful theyve blessed me with theirs....
may we all believe that
"those" are our real blessings,
The real spirit of Christs Grace.
People are our blessings,
not things.
Thanks for being one of mine.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Happy December!

Not for nothin but Im thinkin I should probably ask Santa to bring me some Dove Self Tanning Cream for my legs so I NEVER take another picture like the one on the header of my Blog! What in tarnation was I thinkin?

Opie was tanner than those gams Ive got crossed!

Sorry but I "just" noticed & Im sure if you never have I just put the spot light onto if all yall have
been losin sleep cuz of my white legs!
RTS must have... because Im so grateful they didnt use THIS picture for the Oct cover.

So here we are into another December & Christmas fast approaching (yeah I use Merry Christmas in my verbal & written greetings) I aint skeert.....although I probably should be after the article I just submitted for Aprils upcoming issue....I wrote about my experiences on...& here it comes....Methadone. Im really not "tryin" to ruffle anyones feathers, but just hoping to open some dialogue...that may or may not, it is...very contraversial. Not wanting to change anyones mind but to share my path while on it & while its far from perfect, it certainly was for me. Especially without health insurance, it was my only hope to utilize not just the medication but every available resource they offered to myself & countless others.

"People may not remember what you say but theyll always remember how you made them feel."

When I was taking this medication, I was literally shunned, shamed, & shut out...of the 12 step community, the medical community, etc. I never want anyone to feel as dirty as I did while trying not to die & seek the help I desperately needed.

So dat be dat...I got a life..... & Im preparred to use it!

Ronnie & I went out to buy or Christmas tree Friday night & hell say "we" but "I" decorated it...he watched MMA Ultimate fighting...he did put on the lights....& I may have warned him that if he got in my way we'd be having a little throw down ourselves... he'd be tapping out, not me...He told me not to threaten him with a good time...

I had a blast decorating although tucking all the little ornaments carefully on the tree that my mom made or my sister who celebrates Christmas in heaven, made me a little teary eyed this year. my oldest son turned THIRTY years old last week!!!!!!! & Ive got a couple of his favorite old ornaments we'd save for him to put on....BAAAUUUGHHH! Lordy it feels as if he was 6 five minutes ago.....but I happied "up" when I put our real star on our tree....I cut out a picture of our Nat Nat giggling & put it in a cross stitch mini frame, tied a prim bow on top & put her top center...right where she belongs.

I included a couple of pictures of Natalie & Nampa. Here I was worried the Dora doll we brought her would out shine me.... but NOOOOOOOOOOO it was her & Nampa, her buddy, her reading padner, her horsie to ride, her best friend to feed imaginary "air" food to...over & over...& over again...that kinda diet would put ole Jenny Craig right outta business...AND I wouldnt have it any other way.

They are clearly 2 peas in a pod.

We are still on a high from each & every sweet & funny face she made or kiss she gave us...or diaper "I" changed...dang I still got it!

We have become certifiable "idiot" Grand parents...bragging, repeating stories, showing pictures, & are now not just our friends any longer...but our victims.

Were expecting some snow today, supposedly Waterbury is getting it now & their only 25 minutes away from us...Im sooo excited, Im going to bake some Christmas cookies & wrap some presents.

Enjoy your week, & thank you for stopping by being a part of my babbling, sharing & yes exercizing my rights to be an "idiot" Grandma with white legs!