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Sunday, December 30, 2007

LUCY????ju got some splainin to do!

Last night at work I was working with a spry, energetic, young man of 21. We closed the deli on one of the busiest Saturday nights since the store has been open. (the Saturday before New Years eve, and the big football game with the Patriots (YAY) and the Giants) anyway, I was able to take my half hour dinner break but didnt have the heart to leave him alone with all those customers for both of my 15 minute breaks...although being young & hasnt mastered what being a team member is yet...he took ALL of his, and left me with these sharks...I mean customers! (thats ok, not taking mine was my choice, I get that.)

So as I was busily cleaning the HUGE mess we had created, I unrolled the large hose and began the tedious task of POWERWASHING the floor. I wish I had one of these in my kitcken. ITS AWESOME!!!!! well I turned it on and its so powerful that it made me pay attention because it clearly "was in power" but I got my groove back and Im having a ball, swaying it back and forth...under the counters, but all of a sudden, it petered out. just stopped. what the???? so "spry kid" tells me "oh Kat, you got a kink in it and have to straighten it out" problem so I spun myself around to unwind the hose to get my power back but forgot to turn the dang thing off when I did naturally my arm holding the hose when around me as well, & it was like a comedy in a movie....and Kat powerwashed the entire deli, the 3 aisles outside of the deli... about 3 customers...2 innocent employees...and if there was a partridge in a pear tree...well hed be spit shined too!

I wrestled the dang demonic control of the situation to assess the damage and it was LARGE!!! but very clean and soapy! "Spry kid"
was literally squatting in the corner laughing hysterically, which then I became infected with laughter, and couldnt even move, I was laughing so hard. I swear...I was in danger...I thought for sure I had piddled on myself! I managed somehow to get back up and I was soaked, and ran with rolls of useless inexpensive papertowels that dont absorb anything but just kind of rolls the spills around! but thank God when I rounded the corner, everyone was laughing as hard as we were. no injuries, or slip and falls.

I guess this one one of those times where its not as funny to hear it, but ya really had to be there. but when I walked out of the store and Ronnie was waiting for me and he saw the drenched mess I was, My infamous "deli do" plastered to my head and spiky pony stickin up seven ways to Sunday.... ya know what he said right??? LUCCCCCYYYYYY????? JU GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO!!!!!!

Oh Lord after the busy night I had and another shift waiting me this morning from the deli from was good to laugh.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Changes of the Tide

Im not one to make New Year Resolutions because they only last a week or so and then I feel the same let down in myself Im sure everyone feels. and Im back to smoking, over eating, and swearing like a drunkin sailor. and feel like the biggest LOSER!!!!

So I shall try and consider the changes Id like to incorporate into my life for 2008...Changes of the tide. ya know different seasons...different reasons.

Id like to share a few of these changes with you so I can remain honest and if I get called out on any of them, maybe Ill get back on track. Sometimes Ill do something for someone else before Id do it for myself. Hence my first change...

I really need to look at why I spread myself so thin. I know I try to please God, but after careful reflection, I think Hed be more pleased with me if I took better care of myself so I could do "more" for others without feeling tore up from the floor up. I remember painfully when my son was younger him screaming at me "Do I have to be homeless to get your attention?" GULP!!!!!!

I also think one of the reasons I run so hard, is to avoid looking within myself. I know Ive made some great personal changes, but I didnt make those, God did. He plucked me from the throes of addiction. Its my turn to begin honoring the temple that He blessed me with. Cuz this temple is a MESS! I... I... I... I mean a mmmess!!!! I am running on empty and putting the people that really matter on the back burner and if I dont re-evaluate the importance of these people Ive been neglecting "all in the honor of helping the needy", Im going to fail miserably. So Charity begins in the home first. I believe God wont mind in fact Im sure its Him grinding away in the pit of my spirit, insisting that I slow down and reprioritize.

I have so much inside of me just bursting to come forth and bear a variety of areas. I have tried to take short and inexpensive short cuts and find ways to piece work learning this computer. I cannot believe the desire to "want" to learn. I am amazed at what can be done on this thing. But I am limited and couldnt justify money I didnt have to take real classes. I am aware It costs money to make money. Taking a class is an essential I am commiting to.It isnt anyones responsibility to teach is mine alone. SIMPLIFY!!!!

I am going to take the plunge and pray the fear away that had prevented me in the past to learn new sewing techniques, designs to promise and produce fruit, that have scared the "Be De Jesus" out of me...Scaredy Kat no more. I think I can...I think I can...I think I can....I KNOW I CAN!!! IM A KAT CAN DO!!!!(I think)

Im also going to honor all that God has provided me with in terms of redoing and creating marketable treasures out of the small end pieces of furniture I have, awaiting my tide to change in my cellar. I have some GREAT pieces just waiting for me to commit to. Ive picked up, found, purchased, and haggled for, end tables, chairs, magazine racks, milk cans, antiques and lots of wood for making primitive signs, just sitting there patiently waiting for me to appreciate and utilize the gifts of creativity I have been blessed with. Not to mention the financial potential it can afford me. Im such a procrastinator. (maybe I just fear success...wonder what Freud would have to say about that one?)

So lots of blessings to unfold within me. I have all the materials, the desire, and once I get a regular schedule if Im not laid off, (in which then I will have all the time in the world) I have the willingness. I just think my prayers have got to change and instead of pleading for things I dont have...(and Im a pushy prayer too. I ask for things before the end of the business day) can you imagine the laughing God does at me? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...Was that you Lord? and Ive got to begin thanking God for the awareness of blessing me with that I have all I need. I always have...I just didnt know it. It was hidden under all the fear, all the whining....So on January 2nd I shall think of myself as the "Princess of Tides" and honor the messy temple, cellar, & all the hats I wear & share with all of you. HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

IVE BEEN TAGGED!!!!! (My first time!)

Ive been tagged on Christmas Eve from my very talented, funny, & amazing friend I often refer to as one of my mentor- woman heros....Stacey, from Good Wives of Washington County. She was one of the first women who reached back to me when I came on -line as a neophyte (as if Im still not) & we met on one of our primitive forums where we come together to embrace, celebrate, and encourage each other on our journey...wherever they happen to lead us.

I cannot express to you the gifts Ive recieved from Stacey, because you all bless me in so many different ways. But Stacey, or as I call her "Roons", for (Stacaroonie) has welcomed me and all of my clumsiness, politically incorrect faux paus, and gently taught me the ins and dos and not to dos, concerning on-line ettiquete. How to honor and appreciate everyones varieties of styles, designs, and personalities. The laws of the land so to speak concerning the utmost importance in remaining integrity filled when creating my own designs. and the difference between being inspired from someones work, and making sure to recognize and acknowledge any artist I choose to create a pattern from someone else. Even if... and especially when... I may alter it & add my personal is still someone elses and deserves the thanks and acknowledgement. She has taught me well. Thank you Roons.

Now...I will try to do her proud and dig deep inside and share 5 things about myself that people may not know...I am soooo excited. This is my very first time being tagged and I feel like Im such a BIG SHOT!!!! its the small things that make me want to dance...

1)I had a very short career in stand up comedy...I performed in 3 recovery clubs and 2 talent shows, but wasnt in a place in my recovery to begin working and hanging out in night clubs. I made my Step Dad very proud, he was a Professional Stand Up comic named "Little Caesar" and performed nationwide but his routine was "risque" so wasnt able to perform on Television. But did make an album!

2)I cut a ladies hearing aid off while cutting her hair, when I was in hairdressing school in 1978. She may have been my first customer, but thankfully not my last! the 3 people you never want to hear say "OOPS" is your hairdresser, tattoo artist, or gynocologist!!!!

3)I was honored on T.V. by the Mayor of New Britain, Conn. in 1993 with The Womens Leadership Award. I had helped earn $1500.00 for our client fund when I was an outreach worker for pregnant substance abusing women. I held a craft fair in our corporate office and invited the community to participate and donated everything we had made.(the fund provided emergency diapers, food staples etc...)

4) I began a program in 1994 at The Connecticut Dept. of Corrections in Niantic Ct.and taught 18 female inmates how to tap into their own creativity, and donated the supplies to teach them how to crochet, cross stitch, and embroider. When they completed their projects, they donated them back to the community that they had been arrested in and learned the awesome feeling when you give back...

5)I was recently invited to write and submit a piece of my in depth experience, strength, and hope, of the pain of active heroin addiction and the miracles and joys of recovery, and this will be included in a book that is being published now, and will be sold in book stores sometime in 2008 called "Tales of Addiction"

So now you all know a little more about me. I now have the honor to tag 5 more bloggers to share about themselves... I TAG
"Blondie" from "Vintage Primitives"
"Sherrie" from "Symple Tymes"
"Jennifer" from ""
"Peanut" from "Countryfolks Keepsakes"
"Robby" from " My Blackbird Journey"
Thank you Roons, this has been a blast!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Merry Christmas!!!

Dear Santa Clause... Here is my list of essentials Id be very, very grateful to find under my tree on Christmas Morning...
1) a pallet loaded with bengay
2) A case of Icy hot
3)Motrin...lots and lots of motrin.
5)Maid service
6)Horemone & mood stabilizers
7) Midol
8)Sewing machine
9)New spring loaded scissors
10)More hours in a day
11)Energy...lots and lots of energy
12)A new comfort zone...Ive seemed to lost my old one!

so Id really appreciate it if you could look in your sack of goodies and help me find some relief in this new reality of my aging process...Aging isnt for cissies! I left some cookies and know where, and dont believe Opie if he tries to tell you "grammie said its ok for you to share"...ITS NOT!!!! please send him back upstairs to bed. Thank you and see ya next year. Love and hugs, Kat.xoxoxox

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


Well last night Ronnie and I braved the bitter cold in the company truck (Maxine, our truck is in the shop) & bought our Christmas tree. It looked harmless & small enough on the farm...UNTIL....we brought it home , it relaxed in the warm house & opened up!!!! This morning it looks like something from a Steven King novel!!! What happened? TREEEEZILLA!!!!!

I have taken pics, and now that I know how to post them, my problem in my photo album is that I ran out of room in my computer and need to download them all to a CD and make room for new ones...It is on my are coming soon....I PROMISE!!!

Im off for the second day in a row after working 8 straight 10 hour days on my new job. Today I have to run to the store & purchase new tree lights. Ronnie remembered after tearing our cellar up last night looking for them that we threw the old ones out, because we had so many bare spots on them. Im so happy, because we werent thrilled with the colored ones. Theres something so romantic & pretty about the little white lights. So another errand on my things to do list this morning. I think I need to go back to work so I can get some rest... and believe me its a busy place, but after working so many hours last week, I had neglected so much in our home. I had laundry screaming to be washed, more baking to be done, and the bathroom? well lets just say that was the first to get my attention. Today I need to complete the angel ragdoll and 2 folkart angels on sticks I personalized and promised to have ready for pick up on Thursday but need to complete today, just in case...

I went though our tree ornaments last night while the hubs took a shift scouring the basement for the lights we thought we had misplaced and I felt so warm with memories as I picked up every aged piece that my sons had diligently created for us when they were little. I have Jordans gingerbread man made out of brown construction paper held together w/ tape and ready to hang w/ a piece of yarn (most of the glitter gone (but still sparkles to me), a couple of others they made Im sure with their focused tongues resting on the side of their little lips, as they colored, cut,glittered & pasted. I have framed mini counted cross stitched nativity scenes that my sister "Sha" lovingly made years before she passed away. I am so grateful that she forgave me before she passed and we spent those 11 months together as sisters should....close. Those will be passed down to my sons. What a gift. Then we have a Harley Santa riding in the wind, and an array of my prim ornies Ive had fun making. I especially adore a couple of beautiful ornaments given to me to celebrate my sobriety. One celebrates my husbands Native American heritage. The rest have graced our tree for years.

I think it would be appropriate to end this entry by thanking all of my amazing friends who happen to be women folk who Ive been spoiled, & blessed beyond measure with their gifts, lessons, guidence, support, encouragement and much laughter, that youve all enveloped me with during this past year. Ive been unwrapping your presents long before the month of Christmas. It was not an easy year, yet its been one of the most memorable and profound for me. Sometimes we are asked to listen to "Gods Whispers" as my dear friend Twigs has shared recently with us.
Some people come into our lives and quickly go, Some stay for awhile and leave foot prints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.

Recently I was touched by one of these women Im speaking of and indeed my spirit has been altered. The experience was so personal and impacted me in such a way, that Im not sure I want to share it with anyone and most important, Im not sure Im supposed to. Yet what Im excited to share,, is that by her commitment to listen for Gods whispers, and then to follow her heart and remain obedient to God she has inspired me radically to learn how to quiet my own mind and spend intended peaceful time alone with God and then remain commited to follow His mighty will for my own life. In doing this, I have been blinded by Gods Grace and my eyesight was replaced an I have been blessed with seeing everything through the eyes of a child. I have a spirit of expectancy, faith, and mindblowing truth. His truth.

How do you thank someone for these gifts?

I thank you all for teaching me how to be a good friend, how to believe in myself, & believing in me when I didnt. For all of your prayers. How to remove the fear and have fun designing & creating (regardless of the outcome), how to remain grateful and appreciating and wanting ALL I have. Learning how to tithe (zero tolerance for anything less than 10%) and the law of reperocity(sp) That when the praises go up... the blessings come down. Im learning how to soften my edges a little. How to accept and forgive myself when I fall short in that area, and anything else Im falling on my face from battling perfectionism. Embracing my femininity, which I was convinced I had lost through the self neglect and self abuse while sick in active addiction. Thank you all for teaching and inspiring me to be the best I can be, and whatever my best may is more than enough.
See my friends? I dont just read your emails, blogs, and responses on message boards and forums,....I study them. I accept them as the precious gifts they are.
and although I have enjoyed, celebrated and embraced your friendship with the innocence of a child, I have learned from you,my life lessons with the grace of a woman.

Im not sure Ill have time to share again before Christmas, my goodness one week from today! YIKES!!!! I still need to shop for presents and groceries, wrap, clean, cook, make lists, & squeeze 49 hours of work in there...oh and of course the very important birthday cake I will bake for Jesus.

Merry Christmas to you all. I pray that you are all blessed with health, abundance, peace, and joy. BIG CHRISTMAS HUGS........KAT XOXOXOX

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Fa La La La La, La, La ,La Laaaaaa

So what do you think? Im finally learning how to post pictures. Im still struggling w/ being able to figure out how to organize my very messy photo album, but my friend Allie is coming back to teach me some more. I can tell, we have created a picture posting monster!!!

I am grateful and humbled to share with you, that we will indeed be celebrating Christmas after all.

I have been blessed beyond measure with employment, and was pleasantly surprized to find out that my salary will exceed more than had been discussed!... by a couple of dollars an hour more... Whoo Hoo! Ive also been asked if I could work 8 hours overtime between now and New Years... Could I ever????

Now I know that even had I not been blessed w/ this miracle, I would have still celebrated the birth of Christ, quietly, humbly, & a bit primitively. I do have my year round primitive tree displayed w/ little white faerie lights, and I would have managed cooking something. I would have even been able to provide my son & his wife with a couple of handmade gifts for their new home. I doubt however, that my youngest, single son, who has been blessed with the passion fixing & driving anything w/ wheels, and has a more than healthy dose of testosterone, would have embraced recieveing a primitive snowman for Christmas, in fact Im sure of it!

My Christian friends have gently (thank you Rilda) & perhaps not so gently reminded me w/ that the real spirit of Christmas surrounds only the birth of our Savior. And Im apt to agree, but Im a human being with Motherly instincts who often fall short in accepting these difficult realities of being a good Christian. I dont think being in a state of poverty necessarily defines whether or not I am a good Christian. I fall short of "that" title more often than not, and hasnt a thing to do with the month of December. Yet, I am no different from most everyone else feeling the stress of wanting to provide my family with a real tree that tickles our noses with the delicious smell of pine, or being able to send Christmas cards expressing my love & gratitude for all God has blessed me with, or being able to spend a little more than my weekly grocery bill with all the little sinful and high caloric holiday dinners, desserts, and cookies. I also wanted to be able to purchase a couple of nice gifts for my son & his wife, and my youngest son. Last week at this time, none of this seemed likely, but God is soooo good. so full of tender mercies.

My gift is believeing that His Grace is sufficient for me.

Ronnie and I began a tradition about 15 years ago, where we celebrate and exchange our Christmas presents to each other on New Years Eve. It affords us the extra week of sales, an extra week income, and it gives us alone time, since the kids used to go out and bring in the new year with their friends.

We cook something we dont normally have, usually lasagna, salad, & italian bread, and we always rent a couple of movies...the only deal w/ that is that they cant be violent, or scary. I dont do either anyway, but this is a rule.

Now Im busily filling a couple of orders that also came to me unexpectedly last night when a friend called asking for a private showing of my hand dids, so Ive got until the 20th to complete 2 angels and a primitive raggedy. I also mailed out my swap goodies to my partner this morning. I am so excited to create because when Im in a great mood as I am now, my creativity just flares and no one design is ever the same... Angels are indeed among us.

Im heading into the kitchen to prepare for an evening of baking Christmas cookies. Half will be kept here to enjoy, and the other half will be given to our shelter for women seeking safe refuge from domestic violence.

(Thank you God for the gentle, protective loving spirit you created in my husband, and sons, I am safe always)

Now that Ill be making a regular income, perhaps while the cookies are baking, (not burning... but baking)I can make a list of something more I can do, to let these women know that they arent alone... let them know that being a Mom, (and)I know how important it is as women to be able to provide for our children during the holiday gift giving season. I have first hand experience in feeling the depression of feeling hopeless, while the t.v. advertises all the glitter and glam of Christmas. (I felt so less than thinking I wouldnt be able to afford anything for my family, who like theirs, deserve the very best.) If anyone has any ideas in addition to sharing or donating moniterily, please email me. I welcome any creative ideas. I cannot take my blessings and run. It is a privilidge to pay it forward. Too whom much is given, much is expected. I have been given much. My gift to our Lord, will in making Him proud, and not letting Him feel sorry that He chose to answer my prayers and yours, by blessing me.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Mr. O'Malley is NOT a Scaredy Kat! but he is a beautiful Mainecoone 26 lb kitty, cancel his subscription...he already has too many issues.


Hubs Ronnie, Kats Mom Jo, & Kat.

Grampa...did you forget your keys AGAIN????

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Jesus...a math whiz?????

Yesterday, I was called in for a job interview at a place I had applied to, & was given the required personality assesment test, no problem, Ive done em all. 129 different ways to ask me if I can handle pressure, calm down difficult customers, and would I turn in my supervisor, or co-worker if I saw them stealing paperclips! But then they sprung on me a test with 25 math problems...they were right, THIS was a problem. It is no secret I have strengths and alot of weaknesses, but math isnt even a weakness for me, it is a fear factor. I immediately began to wiggle, panic, itch, & that old feeling of wanting to run was calling me. I count on my fingers... Once I was given a $50.00 chip to leave the blackjack table at a casino, from the man sitting next to me, because I kept asking for cards that I didnt need & it prevented him from getting the cards he needed to win! But then I heard a loud whisper in my heart that reminded me that less than an hour ago, I had shared at my 12 step group that one of my assets in my recovery was perserverence, never giving up, looking fear in the face, and my commitment to keep walking no matter what I may be facing.

AND then I was reminded how I was asking for prayer & stalking God for employment. I just hate it when God quotes me!!!!!How could I possibly give up when Im always preaching my favorite mantra; "Dont quit 5 minutes before your miracles about to happen"

So I took a breath and giggled at the fact that they only gave me one small piece of scrap paper! and whats up with the small eraser on the stumpy pencil? When I completed the test, that scrap piece looked like the chalk board that Russell Crowe was doing his math problems in his movie "Beautiful Mind"

I couldnt begin to tell you one question or problem I was asked, there were fractions, decimals, averages...oh and then about 6 of "if Sally had 4 rolls of ribbon with only 4/5ths of a roll on it, and she needed to wrap 8 presents, how much ribbon was used on each gift???what the???? If I were Sally I would be using sticky bows!!!!! I did the best I could, took a breath and handed it in to the woman while she graded it in front of me AND the other 3 applicants.... The only thing missing was my second grade teachers red pencil and bad breath, Could I have felt any more humiliated? I was in an office, there HAD to be a loaded gun around here somewhere....I heard the woman giggle, and I thought O.M.G. she is laughing at my horrible math, and she said "Kat, the reason im laughing is because you were so nervous and you aced it" I did? (no guts, no glory) how many did I get wrong? she said "none, you got em all right" I said are you SURE you have the name right? sho nuff. Now I KNOW I did not have a thing to do with any part of that test. So I just had to share this amazing gift from Jesus. I went for the drug test and signed the release form for the dentist to prove that he did in fact perscribe me the pain meds in my system, & hopefully since this job I applied for seems to be Gods personalized will for me, I should be working soon. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for all who have been keeping me lifted in prayer.

Should any of us quit 5 minutes before our miracles are about to happen???? You do the math!!!!