Im not going to miss one more oppertunity to tell another loved one how much they mean to me. Sometimes when were thumpin thru our day, & its taken all the energy we have to just show up at the bathroom sink to brush our beavers, & face another tough one, the phone will ring, or an e-mail sent,& an unexpected expression of someones kindness will just catapult me in to such a place of healing and hope.
I had to say goodbye to my dad a little more than 3 weeks ago. I feel good that although we were estranged for 10 years, I mustered the courage to visit him (to his surprize) while he was in hospice. I felt like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, my weak knees buckling, & straw flying all over the place, even being supported by my husbands strong arms, a little like the cowardly lion as well, (I do believe in spooks, I do...I do) tail between my legs, & very true to my business name (Scaredy Kat) Yet what scared me "more" was what I would feel if I didnt say goodbye & thank him before he passed. I know the courage supplied was bigger than me. The gift of courage was absolutely the prayers, & support I was anointed with from the women in my life.
Today, my courageous little 82 year old mom walks thru her own fears while she sits thru 3 hours of an I.V. administered chemotherapy, & comes back tomorrow, & the day after, finally a three week break & then all over again. Thank you for your continued prayers. I am so inspired and proud of her willingness to bless us w/ this therapy that shes only doing for us. I am torn. I know that a positive attitude is a part of this therapy, one that shes just too tired for. Already in pain, sick w/ nausea, & fatigue, I understand her fear of the chemo side affects robbing what little life she has left, but she is my mom, my sons Gram, my step dads wife. I feel as though I am betraying her wishes to be left alone and allow nature to take it course.
So I will call her before she leaves today, (Im sick & unable to go in fear of comprimising her immune system) & tell her how much I love and admire her. Maybe she needs to hear it again while shes at her own sink this morning doing the best she can.
Im going to tell my oldest son, who is a policeman (I know birthing a cop from these loins "IS" a hoot for anyone knowing my history:) how I am so thankful that he forgave me and utilized what the devil meant for bad and God turned into good. He is one of my many heros. He would be yours too if you knew him personally. He protected all of us when he served in the U.S. Airforce, & was in Iraq fighting for our freedom and out rights w/ countless other brave soldiers. Have you hugged a soldier today? Try it, they love it. you dont have to know him/her, if you see one in their fatigues in the store & their home on leave? shake their hand, thank them. Tell em!!!!
Then theres my youngest, definitely no desire for a criminal justice career!!!! but very much my hero. Hes the brave one who sat my sick ass down years ago when he was 16 and gave me a painful but life saving "one on one" intervention from my disease from addiction. I know his knees were probably weak as well. I wasnt very open to help...until he courageously loved me out loud...very LOUD. The experience was personal but profound & if it werent for him, Im convinced I would be dead. Thank you my sweetheart. I am living my life today trying to honor the life you saved that awful day so many lifetimes ago. I am privilidged to be your Mom. Your laundry lady, your cook & sewer of jeans. (Who makes the best Kat McMuffins?) You are an amazing man blessed w/being a gifted mechanic...I know "Dont hate the player, hate the game" (my lil cassanova!) not so little hes 6"5 tall." I love men in uniforms & grease on their hands.
So when I hear my friends online, & those who know me personally, tell me how proud they are of the changes Ive made in my life, or the people Ive tried to touch, how could I fail w/ the phenomenal lovers of life and warriors of hope How could I possibly fail? They are tough acts to follow. Thats why I am commited... to tell em now..tell em how... inspiredme, how proud I am of each & every one of them.
I havent forgotten to introduce you to my amazing hubs. hes next and deserves a post all of his own.
So take a minute & reflect on the loved ones in your own life, who make a difference, or touch you. I cannot possibly name "all" who I celebrate. Most are women, I consider my cyber sisters. Some are in my personal life on a daily basis. Most motivated me to push myself, my passion for my work, my art, and teach me how to live a life of excellence. Life is so unpredictable...so tell em now... tell em how......