Ive already shared this with my best friend "Opie", (which this lil bed hog snuggled himself in without any blanket arranging from us) but one of my biggest regrets and areas of deep shame still plagues me knowing I am in excruciating pain from a variety of joint pain, from either my rhumethoid arthritis, & or Hep C. I contracted while very sick in active addiction many years ago.
I have been trying to put aside my very deflated ego (which Ive been taught means "Edging God Out") & not just admit but "accept" that I cannot work at the physically demanding job at the deli. The arthritis in my thumbs & wrists, keep me smelling of bengay, wrapped in ace bandages, and heat or ice to try and relieve the swelling, & in tears almost every night I come home.
I have also commited to God, myself & my husband that in resigning from this job, I will begin my journey of healing and dealing with the Hep C that I need to have a liver biopsy done, & then begin the promising treatment of interfuron. I have become seriously symptomatic, & without getting into the ugly side of what Hep C does to the body and how it has comprimised my immune system. I "will" share that my health has declined and my spirit has suffered because of it. I have seen people who have this dreadful & scary disease lose family and friends from fear, or disgust from ignorance. Believe me, I am well aware of the judgements formed when were uneducated and convince ourselves that we will "catch" Hep C if we are in someones presence who has it. I was a member of the ignorant group myself, until I became up close and personal when a close family member was diagnosed....and then I was. kinda changes everything. (thank God) I needed to be changed.
So, I will be facing some serious medical, spiritual, physical, & financial mountains to move, but Im not tweaking too bad, I have a jar full of mustard seeds, which tell me in the Bible that I only need a mustard seed size of faith to move mountains...
I will have the oppertunity to make & sell my work in whatever venue God leads me to. It may be on my blog, home parties, private orders, fairs, and of course I now have the time to begin my new adventure selling my small end furniture, antiques, and painted housewares at local weekend flea markets in March.
Ive also signed up for free computer classes at our local Library on every Tuesday morning!!! How flippin cool is that? I took out a "How to Blog" book for beginners, AND learning "Windows in a weekend"! HA!!!! (were gonna need a little more than a mustard seed or 2 with this one!)
So now you all know why your comments, friendships, private emails, and cards mean to me. Im thinking God has been trying to get my attention for awhile now. Ive been praying for relief, changes, and courage to go down another path. Ive also been afraid Id be alone, but since beginning this blog, reconnecting with old friends, and making new ones, Ive been reassured that I am never alone.
Thank you all for being the strong women of courage, faith, & unrelenting, tenatious spirits, that Ive seen in all of you. Im not just all ~wishy washy~ when I express how inspired by the unbelieveable changes, mountains, and new roads youve incorporated in your lives, its in knowing how difficult life can be, & how your lives can be drastically altered in a moment, that Im inspired to create, embrace, and express the personal gifts of passion, & friendship that Ive been graced with. I am grateful and excited to become the best woman I know God wants me to be, which doesnt include any parts of a deli.(BIG sigh of relief)