Please join me as I battle whatever negative spirit that is trying its hardest to keep me down. I started out just having the flu...normal yucky coughing, sore throat, stuffy & rediculously swollen head (not ego, just boogs) & an upper respiratory viral infection that anti biotics wont help, (only time, bed rest and prayers) so I sound like a pitbull but have the strength of a tea cup poodle.
Then as I began to hope that I was feeling a little better, and managed to stay up & out of bed for a couple of hours, at a clip & survive the angry shower spray, not soothing but pummeling my fever sensitive skin....change into clean sweats and a tee, I realized as Im now well into a 3 weak period that Im not just battling the flu but because my immune system has been pulvarized...Im slap in the middle of a horrendous Hep C flare up! Now I wish I was "only" suffering from the flu!
Folks, Im not normally a complainer, Im usually quite the trooper, prayer warrioring (is that even a word?) patient, "hep c patient" and I spend several of my days in physical pain that I have long accepted & surrendered to. But THIS...THIS is scaring me. Ive had smaller flare ups before, sometimes lasting only 3 weeks, then Im up and attem again, but THIS...THIS time, Im really scared. My fear is based from not just the indescribable fatigue and physically draining weakness from exhaustion, nausea & morbid sadness, but this time, Im being attacked with a depression that I REFUSE to take part in. Yet I know its chemical, & although temporary, Im not going to remain victim to the impulsivity and danger of comprimising my recovery...for anything. I will not end up hospitalized for this, been there, done that ....even got the hideous leather braided key chian we made in recreational therapy!!!!!
So Im asking you to join me in prayer, to believe in me, claiming healing and victory over this dis-ease in my mind, body, & spirit. I publicly promise to you...and to God that when I am healed, I will commit to helping other women who are plagued with this debilitating depression that is so much more than pulling myself up from my bootstraps, expressing gratitude for all I have, and going out for a walk....Depression has got to be thee most misunderstood and shame based disease that sometimes our uneducated society, family and even our well intended friends think theyre supporting us with, sends out a message to keep us quiet and immeshed in what we already feel ashamed about.
I am being faced with the public and personal promise I made to you, myself, husband & God that while I made the decision to resign from my job a few weeks ago, that Id commit to my healing. The time is now. I did the draining footwork yesterday and was blessed with the info that I am now medically insured and can finally find a doctor, & begin the process of the dreaded liver biopsy, and then the interfuron & incorporated chemo treatments. Sometimes they are successful sometimes patients are unresponsive, any of which is not my job...my job is only the footwork, doing whats natural and God will take care of the outcome...He will do the supernatural.
Until then, I will follow my dear friend Blondies strong advise and continue walking...no matter what...I will keep walking, for I know Ill never walk alone.
I will not fall prey to the negativity that tells me how Im dying and havent left a single stamp in my place in this world, or that Im stupid, and deserve this shameful demise....The devil is a liar. I can only imagine the wild plans God has in store for me in order to inspire the negative spirits just awaiting to destroy the promise in me.
When I began this blog last November, I made the commitment that I wouldnt just celebrate the miracles and joys of sewing, painting, & my moving mountains with my learning disabilities on this box called a computer, or creating "happy' things, but that Id utilize this time,& space to use my voice and as Oprah encourages us to "use our lives". to teach, inspire, Touch others...improve and make a difference in ourselves & others. I thank you in advance to any & all of you who take part and time in praying for my healing and my restoration...
BESIDES!!!!!I have to get better, this morning Sherrie from Symple Thymes so generously invited me to be a part of "The Artisan Chronicals Guild" What an oppertunity to network meet new friends & artists, reconnect with some old (as in time not age) I will post the info in a couple of days when I know more myself.