Sufficient Grace

Im pretty proud of myself for finally completing this picnic basket I found on one of my flea market hunts this past summer, (Renee Mullins design) in fact, it gave me so much trouble when I first tried sealing it with the wood not wanting to soak up anything even after some serious sanding...I base coated it, & put it away for 3 weeks.

I hate admitting defeat, so needing some distraction from some personal panic I was feeling, I picked it up last week & mannnnnnnnnnn...I cant believe the cussin flyin out of my sailor mouth.

I was expecting Opie to put his paws over his ears while he sat there looking at me as if to say..."When did SHE join the Navy with that mouth?"

Yeah... all this swearing while sportin a sweatshirt saying..."Peace Happens"

Blehhhh...

Im an idiot.

Then I painted this sweet winter scene from my recent issue of Create N Decorate that one of my dear friends surprized me with, on a piece of duck cloth & made a little pillow to tuck somewhere to celebrate winter. Its a design by Kathryn Wrona. Im not generally good with snowy scenes but Im pleased with this piece Im giving to a friend for Christmas.

Peace DID happen while painting this.

WHEW.....

I titled this blog entry Sufficient Grace for a reminder to myself that no matter what kind of fears Im facing, Christs Grace is ALWAYS sufficient for me. I...we...will be taken care of.

My panic is the size of a monster because whenever the Surgeon calls, Ronnie will be going in for Hernia surgery this coming week.

Yes, before Christmas

& no, no health insurance,

and no... to sick pay.....

No weapon formed against us shall prosper.

I am grateful we found a wonderful clinic not concerned about one more American without health insurance, only in the finding a solution to make them well again.

The care we are recieving while going thru this is probably better than some of the care weve had when we did have pricey private insurance.....see? His Grace is indeed sufficient.

I am grateful my poor husband is pain free (with the help of some good pain meds) & although hes unable to work until after he heals from this surgery, he is not in pain today. After not having anything in his system for so many years, needless to say they hit him like a tank, I knew cuz he was professing his appreciation & gratitude for me for the past 21 years...and then he got the munchies, & was laughing hysterically....for COMMERCIALS on tv!!!!

Dude.....really? hes such a cheap date....after hearing his speech about his undying love for me, Im thinkin I may slip him a mickey when this is all said & due for a referesher....

Im just sayin, a girls gotta do.....

Back to my gratitude list....

We have a beautiful twinkling Christmas tree to remind us of the real reason for this season.

We will be eating again today, we will be sleeping in a warm house with clean sheets & quilts (cuz its Saturday & its laundry day)

We have each other,

our pets,

our friends and sons who check in on us daily & keep us in prayers & much laughter.

I feel powerless because since my own issues with pain & weakness in my thumb, Im unable to work even part time to help us out. I do however have an appt. with my attorney this Monday after having an Independent Medical Exam last week & he cant even begin to rate my disability until this is fixed..at this point I have a 100% disability & Im hoping my attorney will have information about a new Workmans Comp doctor so I can have the 3d surgery I so desperately need & get my quality of life back including a stable income. Im so discourgared since a couple of months ago my thumb began curling into my palm & it hurts to straighten it back out.....

this cant be good.

So Ive written out all of my Christmas cards, but I cant justify the 20 bucks for 2 or more books of stamps Ill need.

Ive got bigger fish to fry.

like Christmas dinner, scripts Ronnie will need after surgery...gas for the truck, etc....

My perspective has taken quite the turn after seeing my husband in so much pain, & feeling so scared that he wont be able to provide for us while he waits for surgery & afterwards & the time to recover.

I keep going to extra meetings, I stay closely connected to my prayer warrior sisters who never insult me with pity but with words & acts of love & encouragement even when I cant possibly afford to keep up with the bake offs, Christmas parties, shopping, or the usual festivities I used to think were the end all & be all to being worthy to self & others...

I was sadly mistaken.....

Babbling phone calls to Natalie, talking to our son, snuggling up to Ronnie while stitching & watching tv together with Opie competing for our attention... Praying for our group members on Friday mornings that not only do they remain clean & sober during their first Christmas, which can be stressful, sometimes family-less-ness holiday....but embrace the beauty of friendship.

Im so grateful theyve blessed me with theirs....

may we all believe that

"those" are our real blessings,

The real spirit of Christs Grace.

People are our blessings,

not things.

Thanks for being one of mine.

Happy December!

Not for nothin but Im thinkin I should probably ask Santa to bring me some Dove Self Tanning Cream for my legs so I NEVER take another picture like the one on the header of my Blog! What in tarnation was I thinkin?


Opie was tanner than those gams Ive got crossed!


Sorry but I "just" noticed & Im sure if you never have I just put the spot light onto myself...as if all yall have
been losin sleep cuz of my white legs!
RTS must have... because Im so grateful they didnt use THIS picture for the Oct cover.

So here we are into another December & Christmas fast approaching (yeah I use Merry Christmas in my verbal & written greetings) I aint skeert.....although I probably should be after the article I just submitted for Aprils upcoming issue....I wrote about my experiences on...& here it comes....Methadone. Im really not "tryin" to ruffle anyones feathers, but just hoping to open some dialogue...that may or may not be...yeah...no, it is...very contraversial. Not wanting to change anyones mind but to share my path while on it & while its far from perfect, it certainly was for me. Especially without health insurance, it was my only hope to utilize not just the medication but every available resource they offered to myself & countless others.


"People may not remember what you say but theyll always remember how you made them feel."

When I was taking this medication, I was literally shunned, shamed, & shut out...of the 12 step community, the medical community, etc. I never want anyone to feel as dirty as I did while trying not to die & seek the help I desperately needed.

So dat be dat...I got a life..... & Im preparred to use it!

Ronnie & I went out to buy or Christmas tree Friday night & hell say "we" but "I" decorated it...he watched MMA Ultimate fighting...he did put on the lights....& I may have warned him that if he got in my way we'd be having a little throw down ourselves... he'd be tapping out, not me...He told me not to threaten him with a good time...

I had a blast decorating although tucking all the little ornaments carefully on the tree that my mom made or my sister who celebrates Christmas in heaven, made me a little teary eyed this year. my oldest son turned THIRTY years old last week!!!!!!! & Ive got a couple of his favorite old ornaments we'd save for him to put on....BAAAUUUGHHH! Lordy it feels as if he was 6 five minutes ago.....but I happied "up" when I put our real star on our tree....I cut out a picture of our Nat Nat giggling & put it in a cross stitch mini frame, tied a prim bow on top & put her top center...right where she belongs.

I included a couple of pictures of Natalie & Nampa. Here I was worried the Dora doll we brought her would out shine me.... but NOOOOOOOOOOO it was her & Nampa, her buddy, her reading padner, her horsie to ride, her best friend to feed imaginary "air" food to...over & over...& over again...that kinda diet would put ole Jenny Craig right outta business...AND I wouldnt have it any other way.

They are clearly 2 peas in a pod.

We are still on a high from each & every sweet & funny face she made or kiss she gave us...or diaper "I" changed...dang I still got it!

We have become certifiable "idiot" Grand parents...bragging, repeating stories, showing pictures, & are now not just our friends any longer...but our victims.


Were expecting some snow today, supposedly Waterbury is getting it now & their only 25 minutes away from us...Im sooo excited, Im going to bake some Christmas cookies & wrap some presents.

Enjoy your week, & thank you for stopping by being a part of my babbling, sharing & yes exercizing my rights to be an "idiot" Grandma with white legs!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Giving himself a time out...

even before we know hes been snackin in the litter box...

when we see Opie "do this"? for 20 minutes or more refusing to look at us..

we know...

the litter box is empty....

he snitches himself out....

This is something new hes been doing...

He punishes himself maybe before we do so hes guarenteed no corporal punishment???

But doesnt he realize????

if he didnt do this, we wouldnt have known he was in the kitty box?

Or maybe hes just plain sick to his stomach from the said crime & the pressure of the arm of the sofa soothes him...I dont knowwwwwwww.

Im all too familiar with the guilt of ridding shame.

Kinda takes the wind right out of my sails when Im not the one verbally eeewwwing & GA-ROSSING him out...

But its hard to verbally kick a dog when hes down.

So Im thrilled & humbled to announce that my story that was published in Barbara Sinors book Tales of Addiction & Inspiration for Recovery was nominated for a very prestigous Pushcart Award.

Although it was my story, because it was in Barbaras book it is Barbara that was nominated...

Im happy for her..

Congrats to the other 5 nominees for this award.

Im preparing a large turkey & all the fixings for Thanksgiving dinner, our son Jordan & his adoreable wife Noelia are spending it with us...were having friends stop by for pie & coffee later in the day...Im busy packing & wrapping little goodies for Nat & the kids since were leaving Friday morning around 6am for Jersey.

I spend alot of time trying to carry the message of recovery, living a new life beyond any dreams I could imagine for myself, I try to feed those who are hungry...(whether its food, hope or recovery)but knowing I cant spend it with my own sister for reasons that are just way too big for me...just breaks my heart.

Sometimes I have trouble when God say "no" to me...I even whine when He says "yes" & I get overwhelmed with blessings & opportunity but to be told to "wait"...wait on the Lord...I really struggle accepting this, I only pray its not too late & someday Peace can mean more than being right....

Grace Happens

I love her with all of my heart... She is always in my daily thoughts & prayers.

So I wish all of you a fabulous Thanksgiving...may we all be soon belching & napping from anatriptaline (sp) ( the chemical that acts like turkey heroin) & with "left over" joy.

Love your family & friends....because at the end of the day...Kindness "is" all that matters.

Kindness Matters

These 2 cuties are the loves of my life...The one on the left trying desperately to leave the death grip I had on her for this one picture...(in which she won) is Enola...her parents, Matt & Nicole & brother Mike are my secondary family... And the little one dressed like Rocky Balboa "ala-fem" is my Grand daughter Natalie Josephine....they have nothing at all to do with the content of my blog entry but I have delightfully earned the rights to brag....Ronnie & I are driving to Jersey on the Friday after Thanksgiving (yes that would be black Friday) to spend the weekend with them. The kids have a wedding to go to on Saturday so well have Nat all day..."Of COURSE well keep Nattie tightly on her schedule" BAUUUGHHHH!!! and they believed us!!!!! LOL(Suckers) we havent seen her since June & I swear if she calls me Gamma again Im buyin her a car!♥

So look at me showing off all the recent loot I got in the mail from my best friend in Napa Cali...thanks Jody ♥ she hooked me up, she knows I love antiques, anything vintage & always quilts. In this huge box were 3 different pieces of old beautiful quilts...one I kinda got choked up with when I saw women had carefully & lovingly stitched their family names on them...and how they ever ended up in Jodys hands & now mine is beyond me but I am truely grateful & humbled & will take care of them with the love they surely deserve.

She also send me fun knick knacks, books (cuz were both reading addicts) some old vintage grunged baggage tags to use on my dolls, and a Coach bag....did you hear me??? Who sends their friends COACH BAGS????? a beautiful large black one...Im showin it off in the picture somewhere around here...Im the happy redhead with the COACH BAG!

I also had a delightful surprize come in the mail from Create and Decorate my favorite Primitive magazine, I was informed my dear friend had ordered me a subscription cuz God told her to....WHEW... cuz of ALL the things God "could" have told her to do concerning me..like "ask her to clean up her mouth, or never mind her mouth...her CELLAR...yeah... tell her to clean & organize that borderline hoarding mess shes got down there..." but nope...gratefully He wanted her to bless me even more than she already does with the gift of plain old fashioned friendship which I appreciate more than a clean cellar by the way....so thank you R. I adore you too.

So anyone seein Pigs Flyin around????

ohh cuz they should have been since my youngest son Jordan decided to stop by to see is old Momz...I was so shocked.... I threw the digital across the living room into Ronnies hands & screamed " Dude....Start Clickin" Jordan was smirking at my sarcasm & even humored me during our photo shoot.....when I looked at the pics I said "Oh thank goodness I dont look fat" & my very sensitive son came back with..."Mom I was laying across you hiding everything"!!!!

TOUCHEE...

He was....

LOOK

.....a Snowman Convention....

Look down....

I made these little Orna-Pins for the Nurses at the Treatment center I volunteer at every Friday morning. I thought theyd get a kick out of them..they can be worn on their lapels or used as ornaments for their trees.

I make the counselors 2 huge painted coffee cans that look like snowmen (the cans not the counselors) full of my homemade Reindeer Feed....Ill NEVER give up the recipie but its better than crack...well Ive been told....I wouldnt know...ahem...cough...cough...

All I know is the first ones free....

So at the end of the day Kindness is all that matters....

"People may never remember what you say but theyll always remember how you made them feel."

Live, laugh & love...

Thank you for spending a few minutes with me.

Happy November!

I am so honored & humbled to be featured in "Recovering The Self"
The poor mailman didnt know what to think (as usual whenever I recieve packages) Im such a kid when I know somethings coming like pictures of our Natalie or supplies I ordered...& although I sent RTS the several pictures they requested for my article, & I did know my article on Art Therapy would be featured & some pics were being considered but I had NO IDEA this issue would be celebrating who I am & what I do on the cover!

They achieved what no men could do before...

Render me speechless....

My crazy husband told me he had a tear in his eye knowing someone other than him was able to perform this miracle!....

Everyone wants to be a comedian.....

The entire issue is simply amazing, so many passionate contributors sharing creative, informative topics embracing healing.....a phenomenal interview with our editor Ernest Dempsey & Jay Levy (who I consider an angel without wings) on the epidemic on homelessness in America.

And the stories go on & on.

Im not a pushy sales person... in fact Im quite turned off when people work me for a hard sell, but with so many supportive folks expressing interest on how to purchase a copy or subscription, I thought it only fair to put the link here.

www.recoveringself.com

Thank everyone for the lovely, congrats, funny comments on my FB page, & genuine excitement for me & my new adventure now being a regular part of this new family of RTS.

I want to thank Victor Volkman, & Ernest Dempsey for working so patiently with me when my computer CRASHED 2days before my deadline...& the long distance international phone calls from Ernest only to support my neophtye concerns about......well dang near everything.

Id like to thank you for stopping by & joining me for this celebration & close by saying...this all began with someone believing in me when I didnt believe in myself...

Thank you Barbara Sinor for encouraging me to share my story in your book "Tales of Addiction
and Inspiration for Recovery" www.DrSinor.com

My life took on a momentum of blessings of a wild ride of people, places & things since then, which Im still trying to make sense of, but enjoying every flippin minute of! :)

If you want something youve never had before....do something youve never done before....

and then strap yourself in...

your life will NEVER be the same.....

Birthing thru the pickles in life

Introducing "Birtha"

I was compelled to design this whimsical lil Lady to pay homage to some really special women in my personal, professional, & online life.

These women (& you KNOW who you are) teach me & inspire me that no matter how cold it may seem in life, or what kind of pickle we may be in....that THIS is the time to push...also reminding me to P-U-S-H "Pray Until Something Happens...that this is the time to embrace change & honor my spirit of "expectancy"

Reminding me of Maya Angelous magnificent quote...

"I can be changed by whats happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it"

Its not that I believe in miracles.....

I rely on them!

This network of women show me that the pickles in life arent important... but how I handle them...are.

Lawdy how I love me my wimmens!♥

Im not sure whether its just the circle of life, or something in the air, but quite a few of my friends seem to be going thru some really challenging, painful & ambiguous times in their lives.

I cant fix em...

I cant control em...

all I can do is "Push" with them.

Im grateful having just come out of a really dark place myself recently, I have the energy to encourage & support them.

Im so incredibly grateful that the only reason I walked into the light was because of some of these very women Im celebrating by creating "Birtha"

Some of these friends are being faced with health issues, their childrens health issues, going back to school, work, trying to deal with family members who are dangerously stuck in self sabatoge & battling addictions, depression, high risk behaviors, broken hearts & the list goes on & on.

Ive been thru so many of these issues on my own journey & although it wasnt until after Id walked thru it, I realized because of the experience, Im able to express compassion & support void of any judgement.

So I created "Birtha" from muslin fabric, I sculpted her eye area & stitched 2 little black seed beads for her eyes...her ultra long paper clay sculpted nose (that Im quite sure Freud would have something to say about that!) (chuckle)

Then I went on to tack raw sheeps wool for hair I picked up from a sheep shearing contest at the Hebron Fair this year, I gently stained her cheese cloth head/shoulder shawl with a light recipie of prim smelling goodies & then stitched & stuffed a large belly ( I was merciful & made her free of any stretch marks) underneath her soft, cotton, rose bud, fabric dress. (I wished her pregnant belly showed up in the pictures better) I scuplted her stash of pickles with the same paper clay I used for her carrot nose.

I painted a little textured snow on her to help us appreciate how sometimes we may feel really cold on our journey but as long as we stand tall, feed ourselves that which sustains us, we can continue our birthing process.

And then lastly my favorite embellishment I added was the soft glitter that I was hoping to express that as women we indeed sparkle & shine...always in all ways.

I hope you all can appreciate my efforts in creating some of the joy in the lessons & experiences each of you have blessed me with in one amazing way or another.

Reinventing this Kat

I am being brought thru another road of lessons & being tested again. And I cant even complain because I asked for it all. Why doesnt anyone EVER just stop me & my big ideas????

I really need to re-evaluate the way I pray.

Most of my prayers get answered.

God, Im sure is just a gigglin away. watchin me fuss thru these recent growing pains.

I know He was probably laughing with me...cuz He shouldnt be laughing at me...

would He?

I mean He is God...He can DO anything He wants...

Im just sayin.

Coming thru such a dark place recently w/ my health, I am gratefully on the way to getting my life back...but its not anywhere close to my old one, its a brand new one.
My energy is slowly returning, I was even blessed with a delicious, deep comatose drooling sleep the other night after pulling an all nighter the night before that.

But what I was made painfully aware of...is that if this is as good as it gets...Im soooo screwed!

The down time spent on my sofa for almost 3 months made me realize I have really betrayed my body. I havent been able to utilize all of my God given gifts because Ive been sooo tired...ok...maybe more...out of shape...oooops THERE IT IS!

HELLO we have finally broken thru the denial.

So I bundled myself up one day, did some rediculous & probably hysterical stretches in my back yard...I know them 8 lil squirrels we feed twice daily,were rolling on their chubby lil backs guffawing away...(lil ingrates) sharp little nut crackin, buck teeth chucklin away....
I plugged my new to me IPod in & Macy Gray, Pink, & I attempted our first day of power walking....

ok very funny...

Ill wait for yall to stop snickerin....

I got all day....

nuttin but time....

and the best thing happened.....

I freeking LOVED it! Who knew?

Yeah I know...that would be God again. Sometimes He is just such a show off!

Cuz we all know after hoofin & I mean HOOFIN,,,for 5 days worth of 4.3 miles (cuz I made the mistake of driving to count the miles myself) I was hollerin out for mercy with a very sore ass, throbbing ankles & the back of my thighs are deemed pretty much worthless this weekend.

Its not pretty...

but Im going back. It was suggested I walk 5 out of 7 days...so sweet relief for my battered & broken body till Monday.

Ive also begun eating healthier...drinking more water... Lots of bottled water...

I really loathe water.

And

Portion control. I eat my meals on a dessert dish not the normal platter sized dinner dishes we usually eat from.

Yeah, Im sailing this ship alone...

Speaking of show offs, my husband can eat what, when & where he wants & keeps his big bad hot manly body & doesnt skip a beat...

Im also trying to find my comfort zone with my new VERY expensive progressive lenses...although I have the weekend off from walking, Im still highstepping & performing triple sow cows to avoid steps & those damn sneaky curbs...but my bifocal lines are gone...and thats a GOOD thing.

I was working thru some personal challenges I faced after yesterdays Friday Group & came home to make Ronnie a homemade apple crisp, then I finally climbed the Summit that was taunting me by sewing closed this huge painted fall pillow. It sat on my floor open, stuffing bulging & because of my still un-cooperative post surgical useless thumb.

I was fixin to staple this sucker shut...with a power staple gun..I KNOW we have one around here somewhere...but the stress I was working thru...was more than enough...I am pleased with this Big Betty of a pillow I made using Barb Jones wonderful & whimsical design.

I hope you all have a magnificent Autumn weekend, understanding that although I do alot of complaining, there are always lessons, experiences & room to be the change we want to see. Im greedy...I want and deserve ALL the fruit of my labors....its just always such a trip doin the work.

Harvest Thyme Bringing Forth Gratitude

Ohhh my lil Cab-i-Nat! I just wanna eat her lil face & munch on her toes. Six Flags got nothin on the rides in her kitchen. Like her Gamma a cheap date!

And can you stand the evil look on this spoiled, pouting dog?

He wasnt sent here...
no "time out" from us....
Nope, he wasnt scolded...
wasnt even in trouble for chasin squirrels...

This??????

was Opie making a statement letting us know he doesnt appreciate or accept any kind of attention O'Malley may get...
Attention?
Really Opie?
All I did was snap a picture of our 10 year old cat who doesnt ask for much other than 2 squares a day....
GET OVER IT! Ask me if I lost any sleep over this pout fest? ok well since Im experiencing horrible bouts of insomnia lately, this is a moot point....Im just sayin.

O'Malley & I are both on diets & have agreed that we need to be on more than just one diet, cuz the one were on doesnt have enough food!

Sadly in July, after calling our local Police to do a safety check on our 54 year old neighbor who we knew was sick & very stubborn & disregarded our offer to take him to the ER on one night in particular...we had a bad feeling when he wouldnt open his door after 2 days of checkin on him....we were devestated to learn he had passed away that very morning.

We were a couple of hours too damn late.

His wonderful 80 year old Mom insisted we take a couple of his antiques....so Ronnie came home with this amazing sterling silver coffee caraft...It has a glass voltive on the bottom to insert a tea light to keep the poured coffee warm...it was FiLtHy!!! tarnished, so I worked diligently on it with silver cleaner & walla...now a part of our friend Martin graces our credenza in a very special place.

As if that lovely keepsake wasnt enough his Mom brought over 3 old issues of National Geo. One was a month older than me...I loved some of the adds in there.

I had a ball painting these 2 big boys with iccky spiders I was inspired to paint on their noses after watching a "Billy The Exterminator" marathon....( isnt billy just so stinkin cute?)

I wanted to donate these 2 pumpkins to my girlfriends lunchroom that she supervises & raffles off to her kids....People always feel the need to gently scold me for donating whatever happens to be on my heart,(rather than sell what I choose to make & donate) but you know what? Im not even supposed to be here...how can I not share what puts such a song in my heart...

Not to mention people....

Im tryin desperately to get into Heaven.....

Oh man have I got some splainin to do on THAT day.....

AND I always get good instant karma...Lynn (the rockin lunch lady) Facebooked me & told me they were a HUGE hit & a bunch of the teachers wanted prices so they could purchase some....

Sooo Im good.

Ive been having a blast decorating for fall. Im so grateful that A) I care enough to want to celebrate fall & B) go up & down all those stairs "to" dig out my goodies.

I painted this sewn from scratch muslin witches hat, & after 3 days of cussin like a drunken sailor I managed to finish this design by Pat Oneill & another fun pillow in the process of being sewn from Barb Jones suggesting we always "Give Thanks"

Im a little overwhelmed & very weepy today after our early moring group. Im still blown away that God deemed me trustworthy to step up for this privilidge...then I was humbly surprized when someone made a heartfelt & gracious amends to me for something they felt I deserved....Holy Crap batman, Ive been so busy for the last 7 years making all of my amends I sure didnt see this one coming. This life is....is....ummmmm.... I surrender...I am speechless!

Yet another Friday morning driving home from group with the ugly cry, mascara rollin...hiccupping away with sobs cuz yall just dont know......

Still waiting for the October issue Im featured in of Recovering The Self which was pushed back for another couple of weeks....if this keeps up, Opie may have some company in his Pout Fest...

Thank you for stopping by...sharing how I am LIVIN THE DREAM! :)

Getting Better

Loreal Make up really ROCKS!
& heres why...

Happy Sunday! What a gorgeous day it is here in Conn. Were promised a beautiful sunny but chilly day. it is ripe with Autumn in the air.

I finally painted & embellished my first painted pumpkin of the year. It took me awhile since everything is still such an effort...With these stairs, Id probably lose your respect if you knew what Id do JUST to have a Foleys Catheter strapped to my leg...TMI? Im just sayin...

Im actually going to bravely post this picture of me from this past Tuesday afternoon when my dear funny friend Diana (a wonderful Primitive dollmaker) stopped by after work for some coffee & gossip.

Poor girl had that look on her face when she saw me like....

she just shot her parents accidently...

then gracefully & quickley recovered fast enough to cover the shock she had on her face from seeing me. Her visit was very healing...friendship & laughter always is.

True Dat!

This journey has aged me beyond.

Gratefully a large & careful amount of Loreal, my flat iron, hair care products help me cover up & fool my Friday Group into believing that I am able to show up...and I do. its what provides me with great joy & hope, I probabaly wouldnt go to help myself...but to help carry a message of hope to someone needing it...Then a girls gotta do...what a girls gotta do.

So back to my pumpkin story...I sat this guy in a basket with some straw, funky gourds & loaded it with Werthers & Jolly Ranchers hard candies & brought it with me to donate to my Friday morning group. I still feel warmed & amazed that these people can express such child like excitement & appreciation for such a small act on my part. They all have such "Life Issues" theyre battling & yet each of them made sure to hug & thank me...You just never know who you touch when youre busy being "you" Im still washed with deep humility to be on this path.

So Im sitting in my jeans & favorite old red tattered fall "Champion" sweatshirt...ooooh yeah the honeymoon is way over...that train left the station years ago...(giggle)
& since I steam cleaned the house yesterday, Im going to put a pork roast,& some roasted taters, in the oven & will serve it up with homemade applesauce...garden cukes & tomatoes..(not necessarily from my garden cuz I didnt plant one this year... but SOMEBODIES)
I bought the latest issue of Create n Decorate & found some delightful patterns to paint. I have a couple of different palletes to paint them on so it should be fun. Im still trying to finish my painted/quilted primitive flags Im almost done with. Gosh Im such a LOSER when it comes to completing projects that scare me....Im livin up to my Scaredy Kat moniker.

Im busy reading, writing, & walking to some fabulous old school funky music on my I-Pod. I still resemble a geriatric patient without a cane...hmm... how tempting would painting a crazy & wild wooden cane be??? to use on these death defying walks in my hood? My husband would probably beat the ugly off me if I allowed myself to stop fighting & give up....this journey sure aint for cissies...
So Im on my way to healing.
Thoughts of visits with my Nat Nat & the energy needed for her 16 month old "catch me if you can" energized bunny self.... (PPPFFF show off) keep me grounded & going...

no painted canes for this Kat.
Which probably means...
no Foley catheters either....
Until the next time, may all of our weeds be wild flowers...

Rough Riders!

Hey Everyone...

Im sorry Ive been amiss but Ive been busy... Rough Ridin...

Im not going to bore anyone with any graphic or gorey details, ( I am facing some of the physical wreckage of my past) suffice to say Ive been bed ridden & sofa surfing after a serious round of medication that proved toxic & non responsive to my system & until we were/are able to rid it...Ive been riding out some exhausting terrain battling extreme pain, weakness & exhaustion.

Anyone who knows me knows I am generally boinging off the walls with energy...

"boinging"

hmmmmmm...

is that even a woid?

did you know what I meant?

then on to my story....

So facing this experience has stolen my quality & every aspect of my life...

but heres the good news...

I BELIEVE!!!!

I am on my way to healing, the devil IS a liar & no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

There...how bout we have some Church up in here?

Its been about 7 weeks of this experience & thru it all just when I thought I couldnt possibly love my husband any more...oooops there it is.♥

What in the world have I ever done to deserve this man? He has loved me, waited on me while working inside & outside of our home, hes cooked, done dishes, sorted, done & folded laundry, entertained folks, yakked on the phone to my girlfriends..HELLO!!!! all the while supporting, encouraging, laughing, loving, praying & putting my level of comfort on his priority list.

Hes such a keeper.

I know Im getting better because I feel it, I believe it & God showed me...heres how... Ive been a renewed sense of trust & purpous by being asked to facilitate a group of heroin/opiate addicts seeking recovery in the same facility that saved my life so many years ago...

Is God kidding????

When????

This Friday????

Full circle...

Gods timing.

Not mine....

Last Friday I SOMEHOW managed to throw on the face paint, iron my hair & strap on my turquoise & silver (& fake it till I make it) to meet for the first time for an hour & a half.

I went in convicted & hard...

but came home balling my eyes out...

no one saw me....

I hope...

(another segment of rough ridin tryin to steer the truck thru the ugly cry) in humility & gratitude that the Director, counselor & patients trusted me...me? to support them, to give what was given to me so freely....

This gift, gave me a sense of purpous & passion again as I walk thru some darkness of my own right now. I came home & napped HARD for 4 hours...

We went out Saturday to buy pumpkins so I could paint & donate them to the Center. This time & opportunity has provided me a reason to get up & get out of myself....

I dont remember being thru anything like this..not even in my darkest times...

back then...

so Im so very grateful for everyday I wake up for another chance to please God,(even when & especially when Im convinced I cant do it...I do, so thats God not me) try to make up to my husband a portion of his gifts he gives to me & with a renewed spirit about whats "really" important & how its not always.... always about me.

Another blessing is that I found out the magazine I write for ~Recovering The Self~ is on the press & the article I wrote & am featured in will be out in early October....

Ive posted a very whimsical & silly "Grady" on my side bar who is one of my several punkin head dolls Ive been slowly making...

everything these days is slow...

REALLY

S-L-O-W!

Grady was completed yesterday while I was feeling the lost gift of increased energy & wanted to honor him being so "Grade-ful"

Thank those on my Face Book page, my recovery forums & in my personal life who know the darkness Im climbing out of....I couldnt & cant do any of this without prayer, without support & unconditional love void the shame I already battle for the consequences of my horrible choices many years ago...

Time to pay the Piper.

Hes a bitch!

Thank you for stopping by & next time I promise there will be more creative projects and a more uplifting post....

Abundant September

Thought Id enjoy a delicious cup of hot coffee with you on this perfect fall like September day.

Ive been working on some really cute but stubborn punkin head dolls.

This heres Earleen, (thanks to Peanut from Countryfolk Keepsake) I was birthing her when we were anxiously awaiting the hurricane Earl who missed us but took away our heat wave... & Peanut suggested I honor her after Earl...& after seeing how our hair styles are similar.. (mine & Earleens not Peanuts)I mean some folks hardly know if Im comin into or outta a hurricane on most days....

Ive got 8 more neked bodies awaiting my attention, theyre gittin kinda ornery just layin on my table...just waiting & awaiting like Ive signed em up for some nudist colony wanting them to hang their little freak flags.

And speaking of flags....(Giggle)

Ive also been having some fun painting some prim flags... not to worry, I am fully clothed....then I stitch em up w/ batting inside & embellish em with some stripes & stars & rather than use a dowel to attatch them, I use a long branchy kind of twig outside. They are really cute & sell really well. Ive painted some pumpkins on them, some salt box houses & a couple of crows-n-sheep.

Im so grateful to share that since my last blog post, my husband has been called back to one of his jobs that he subcontracts out to AND has been working every weekend restoring a sweet 67 Mustang for someone needing a welder & body guy!

That would be him....:)

Ive also been so busy, I completely forgot on Sept.3d I celebrated my 7 year clean & sober anniversary...wow...what a ride.

Much to be thankful for.

I sure wasnt even living close to the beautiful, bountiful, spoiled life Im blessed with today.

So thank you... to all my family & dear friends who cared enough to support, encourage & love me when I havent always been the most loveable.

And of course, I am emotionally & forever grateful to God who plucked me up from the bowels of the earth cuddling me, healing me, & promising me that this was only the beginning.

So yes, I celebrate this very abundant September.

Thank you for stopping by & sharing a cuppa with me..Im just tickled with joy that you stopped by....