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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Rough Riders!







Hey Everyone...

Im sorry Ive been amiss but Ive been busy... Rough Ridin...

Im not going to bore anyone with any graphic or gorey details, ( I am facing some of the physical wreckage of my past) suffice to say Ive been bed ridden & sofa surfing after a serious round of medication that proved toxic & non responsive to my system & until we were/are able to rid it...Ive been riding out some exhausting terrain battling extreme pain, weakness & exhaustion.

Anyone who knows me knows I am generally boinging off the walls with energy...

"boinging"

hmmmmmm...

is that even a woid?

did you know what I meant?

then on to my story....


So facing this experience has stolen my quality & every aspect of my life...

but heres the good news...

I BELIEVE!!!!

I am on my way to healing, the devil IS a liar & no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

There...how bout we have some Church up in here?


Its been about 7 weeks of this experience & thru it all just when I thought I couldnt possibly love my husband any more...oooops there it is.♥


What in the world have I ever done to deserve this man? He has loved me, waited on me while working inside & outside of our home, hes cooked, done dishes, sorted, done & folded laundry, entertained folks, yakked on the phone to my girlfriends..HELLO!!!! all the while supporting, encouraging, laughing, loving, praying & putting my level of comfort on his priority list.


Hes such a keeper.


I know Im getting better because I feel it, I believe it & God showed me...heres how... Ive been a renewed sense of trust & purpous by being asked to facilitate a group of heroin/opiate addicts seeking recovery in the same facility that saved my life so many years ago...
Is God kidding????
When????
This Friday????

Full circle...

Gods timing.
Not mine....

Last Friday I SOMEHOW managed to throw on the face paint, iron my hair & strap on my turquoise & silver (& fake it till I make it) to meet for the first time for an hour & a half.
I went in convicted & hard...
but came home balling my eyes out...
no one saw me....
I hope...
(another segment of rough ridin tryin to steer the truck thru the ugly cry) in humility & gratitude that the Director, counselor & patients trusted me...me? to support them, to give what was given to me so freely....


This gift, gave me a sense of purpous & passion again as I walk thru some darkness of my own right now. I came home & napped HARD for 4 hours...
We went out Saturday to buy pumpkins so I could paint & donate them to the Center. This time & opportunity has provided me a reason to get up & get out of myself....

I dont remember being thru anything like this..not even in my darkest times...
back then...
so Im so very grateful for everyday I wake up for another chance to please God,(even when & especially when Im convinced I cant do it...I do, so thats God not me) try to make up to my husband a portion of his gifts he gives to me & with a renewed spirit about whats "really" important & how its not always.... always about me.

Another blessing is that I found out the magazine I write for ~Recovering The Self~ is on the press & the article I wrote & am featured in will be out in early October....

Ive posted a very whimsical & silly "Grady" on my side bar who is one of my several punkin head dolls Ive been slowly making...
everything these days is slow...

REALLY

S-L-O-W!

Grady was completed yesterday while I was feeling the lost gift of increased energy & wanted to honor him being so "Grade-ful"

Thank those on my Face Book page, my recovery forums & in my personal life who know the darkness Im climbing out of....I couldnt & cant do any of this without prayer, without support & unconditional love void the shame I already battle for the consequences of my horrible choices many years ago...
Time to pay the Piper.
Hes a bitch!

Thank you for stopping by & next time I promise there will be more creative projects and a more uplifting post....

3 comments:

Renna said...

Kat, I love your transparency. It allows us to glimpse your heart of gold within.

That was such a neat idea to surround the painted pumpkin with hard candies. You're so thoughtful that way! :-)

MDM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Josie J said...

Beautiful !!!! Love your work..
Miss you on the other site..

Hugsssss
Josie