Giving himself a time out...
even before we know hes been snackin in the litter box...
when we see Opie "do this"? for 20 minutes or more refusing to look at us..
we know...
the litter box is empty....
he snitches himself out....
This is something new hes been doing...
He punishes himself maybe before we do so hes guarenteed no corporal punishment???
But doesnt he realize????
if he didnt do this, we wouldnt have known he was in the kitty box?
Or maybe hes just plain sick to his stomach from the said crime & the pressure of the arm of the sofa soothes him...I dont knowwwwwwww.
Im all too familiar with the guilt of ridding shame.
Kinda takes the wind right out of my sails when Im not the one verbally eeewwwing & GA-ROSSING him out...
But its hard to verbally kick a dog when hes down.
So Im thrilled & humbled to announce that my story that was published in Barbara Sinors book Tales of Addiction & Inspiration for Recovery was nominated for a very prestigous Pushcart Award.
Although it was my story, because it was in Barbaras book it is Barbara that was nominated...
Im happy for her..
Congrats to the other 5 nominees for this award.
Im preparing a large turkey & all the fixings for Thanksgiving dinner, our son Jordan & his adoreable wife Noelia are spending it with us...were having friends stop by for pie & coffee later in the day...Im busy packing & wrapping little goodies for Nat & the kids since were leaving Friday morning around 6am for Jersey.
I spend alot of time trying to carry the message of recovery, living a new life beyond any dreams I could imagine for myself, I try to feed those who are hungry...(whether its food, hope or recovery)but knowing I cant spend it with my own sister for reasons that are just way too big for me...just breaks my heart.
Sometimes I have trouble when God say "no" to me...I even whine when He says "yes" & I get overwhelmed with blessings & opportunity but to be told to "wait"...wait on the Lord...I really struggle accepting this, I only pray its not too late & someday Peace can mean more than being right....
Grace Happens
I love her with all of my heart... She is always in my daily thoughts & prayers.
So I wish all of you a fabulous Thanksgiving...may we all be soon belching & napping from anatriptaline (sp) ( the chemical that acts like turkey heroin) & with "left over" joy.
Love your family & friends....because at the end of the day...Kindness "is" all that matters.
1 comment:
hi. i started reading your blogs today out of boredom and trying to find something to get my mind off something that's pissing me off big time. you had me at your first blog. i was never addicted to anything except maybe putting myself down every chance i get. i don't drink i don't smoke and i don't do drugs. so maybe now you're thinking "what the hell am i doing reading your blogs?" he he. i was just reading, just curious. i like the way you tell your stories. its like "listening to a teenager/grandma full of wisdom rant and rave and crow about life, lessons learned...and HOPE. it made me realize that i have lived a paradise of a life ascompared to what you had to go through in the past. i mean here i am yapping about my life and i didn't have to go through half of what you already did. and yet to read the things that you say (and i've reposted some of them on my fb page he he) that speaks of hope and love and everything positive is really amazing for me. it made me realize that somehow, even if i didn't suffer an addiction and everything else that goes with it,i seem to be in worst shape than you before your recovery. all my life i've struggled against these feelings of worthlessness, invisibility, insignificant-ness. some days i feel so empty i wonder why i even get up in the morning at all. and i don't even have one major sob story to tell. its just me. ungrateful, un-confident me. i am always waiting for that someone who will make everything ok for me. fix me. but i guess he's not coming. who am i kidding? sometimes i feel like not a single soul in this planet will want to waste his time listening to my crap. i know that is not true. of course its not true. but i feel that way and every single day of my life i try to fight it. tell myself i am wrong. that i do have a purpose in this world. i am significant. i exist. i am special. maybe i'll get there someday...by now, you are probably wondering "what the hell is she talking about??". hell, i'm not even sure why i'm writing this ha ha! i guess i just want to thank you for giving me hope today. if someone who went through hell and back like you could manage to "shine" with hope and love and positive spirit, so can i. so i guess i am not doomed. there is hope for me. the world is blessed with people like you. through your life's experiences comes inspiring stories for those of us who need it. it is like God talking to us through you. telling us: " I gave you LIFE so why the hell won't you LIVE it?". and "get the hell out of that hole you dug for yourself!". i got one word for you: INSPIRING. at least that's what you are for me today. (-:
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