Im BaCk!!!!

Hey EVERYBODY!!! REMEMBER ME??????????...

Im BACK!!!! I am so sorry for not being able to get here sooner. I have NEVER been unable to blog for this long, but life has been happening at a speed wayyy too fast for me. I have missed everyone & havent been able to visit anyone either in a long time. I thank those of you who have been wondering, worried or just plain wondering what was going on.

Having a new part time job, looking for another with "more/better" hours, 2 newleweds living with us, having to look for another place to live with not much time, going back to several meetings a week, sponsoring someone, working with a sponsor, therapy, a tagsale, trying to fill a couple of orders, preparing for 2 shows coming up in Sept., and trying to keep this household clean, orderly, & running drama free, is just overwhelming.

I am trying to keep in front of me that God never gives us more than we can handle, and alot of mindblowing blessings have been put in my life...but I feel as if Im spinning. Im not recieving anything I havent prayed for, which is radical, & spiritual change, a better place to live, a part time job and family in my life... full time....oooh yeah...I got ALL my prayers answered & then some! It just reiterated to me that I need to be careful what I pray for!

Im sometimes still so clumsy with trying to live my life with dignity, grace, & gentleness, & when I become overtired which is often, I often times try & peek to see if Gods doing a good job in my life, (imagine, as if He would need my help) & if Hes slow, or saying " no, not now" I become frustrated & take my will back and THATS when I become overwhelmed & tweaked out! When am I ever going to learn that its "Let go and let God"? not "let go and let Kat"... Forgive me Father.

I celebrated a milestone birthday...EEEKKKKEEE when did that happen? yup 50! I sure hope the 50s are the new 40s....I went to my favorite place in the woods & released 5 helium filled balloons. I wrote 1 name on each 3 balloons & then worte Gods name on #4 and mine on the last one. The first 3 balloons were released with the hopes that I would forgive the resentments I still hold in my heart for these people and then I released mine & asked God to please help me to let go of these folks and make my heart clean, and I let Gods balloon go thanking Him for my being here at 50 when I cant think of any human or scientific reason I should be with all Ive done, allowed to be done, & then all thats happened to me with or w/o my permission. I lost the choice to think sanely, safely, or responsibly when I was actively using & drinking. I let the balloons go & wept, sobbing & hiccupping tears of gratitude, joy, and hope for all I believe to be waiting for me. Its a miracle that Im alive I was blown away with my gifts. I was on the deck getting ready to feed my squirrels and the birdee community, & my son hollers out to me, "Mom...someones at the door" & Im thinking "well child, go open it", but he didnt (& there was a reason why, unbeknownst to me), there stood an elderly gent holding a beeeeautiful vase of flowers. My new daughter in laws parents sent me flowers. WHAT A SURPRIZE for me...Thank you Noemi & Alfredo! Fabulous, thoughtful, and beautiful people.

The kids surprized me with a cake, a chubby candle announcing"50", an aluminum helium balloon & a couple of cards. My mom just blew me away with a touching card and giftcard from Joannes. The actual gift to me was the card that she went out to buy, her husbands birthday was a couple of weeks ago but she was too sick from her chemo to go to the store, so whenever I opened the card that expressed her joy in watching me blossom into such a remarkable woman of God...well you can only imagine how that leveled me. Thanks Mom.

My sister living in Florida battling daily life with the threat and upset of hurricane 'Faye" sent me a card and giftcard from Walmart...thanks Sis, you rock, I miss you & pray for your safety, joy, & abundance, in all you do.

I thank everyone else who surprized me with emails, cards, e-cards, and phonecalls wishing me a happy birthday. Im not sure how you all knew or remembered with everyones busy lives but thats exactly why I adore you all. Amazing, fabulous women folk,& Im humbled to be considered a part of all of you.

Im leaving you a few pics of a get together we had the day after the kids got hitched, Mom was here, she ate...ALOT!!! she laughed, and loved...Ive got pics for proof. She blessed us all with her tenatious spirit proving to all that the devil is a liar...She is the epitomy of Dignity, grace, & gentleness. Ive also included a couple pics of our sucessful tagsale & some mushrooms I found in an area where Opie & I walk & share some "we and pee time" these suckers look like their a part of a Government project, their flippin huge...Ohhhh gimme some Janis Joplin tunes, a strobe light and love beads...see ya on the " roadtrip" LOL

Please know I pray for all of you kindred spirits and please know that the only reason Im able to continue on my journey clean, sober, grateful, and trying to do the next right thing is because of all of your prayers... PPPAAALLLEASE Dont stop now....I promise not to wait so long between posts.

TINA...Darlin...thank you soo much for my blog award...I havent forgotten it, Im just trying to catch my breath & Im honored to participate & accept this award...however, feeling a little guilty but will do my best to be a better blogger!