Last Thursday evening, I smoked what I pray will be my last cigarette!!!! At 9:00 p.m.I securely put on the Nicoderm Patch, watched an hour of t.v. and went up stairs to hit my knees and thank God for my willingness, but to ask Him, any & or all of my Angels who may have my back, to please do for me what Im unable to do for myself. This nicotene addiciton is wayyyyy bigger than me.
Ronnie & I had agreed that our quit date would be this coming Friday the 18th. Yet on the way to Walmart last Thursday, I heard a loud voice in my head, which was my own voice, but clearly "not" my own idea...saying "Kat dont go home without the nicotene patch tonight, your new life begins at 9:00 p.m. TONIGHT" Now I dont care if anyone believes me or not, I know what I heard and the message was for me not you, and all due respect, if I were to make a story up about God speaking to me it would be a little more interesting and (since it would be my lie... Hed be telling me how wonderful He thinks I am...that clearly did not happen! Im always praying for obedience, more willingness, and Im always begging God to clean me, & make me pure, so after hearing what I heard...Im not about to disregard His message.
I have to be honest...The first 2 days were pure torture, even with the patch. I made the decision that if this process being my first attempt became too painful or if I felt my recovery would be comprimised by my wanting or looking for a tranquilizer or glass or 27 of wine, anything to be purchased in a bag, on the street, or needed paraphanalia other than a lighter...I would surrender to the fact that I wasnt ready, and Id try again at another time, but relapse is NOT an option and Id pick up a cigarette.
I am so very grateful that Im facing day 5 and Im still a non-smoker! Yesterday I had a couple of squirrely moments, but nothing like the previous days. I am in a place of deep spirituality because folks....I know with everything I have, this mountian has not been climbed by me, all I did was show up,... This experience has absolutely been a personalized blessing and miracle from God.
This addiction is far worse, more painful and nerve wracking than putting down heroin. (for me) The nicotene helped me get through that withdrawal. I at least had large daily monitered doses of methadone and tranquilizers to relieve me of heroin addiction...I only have 21 miligrams of nicotene going thru my system.
Nicoderm promised that it would relieve cravings for anyone who smoked 10 cigarettes a day.
Heres the thing...I did the math folks. I am ashamed to admit that I smoked at least 2 full packs of mentholated Kools a day. if 21 miligrams is for for folks smoking only 10 a day... and I smoked "at least" 40 daily, shouldnt I be using at least 3 more patches????????
Im not silly or irresponsible enough to self medicate or comprimise my health by doing things my way...after all thats what got me in these messes to begin with. I know using more than one patch a day could give me a heart attack or stroke from nicotene overdose...Im just sayin!!!!!!!
I have however been rewarded with unbelieveable blessings. It is true...your taste buds return and everything tastes so much better. (just what I need, when I struggle & over eat with the food that always tasted just mediocre)
My son Jordan (who is a non smoker and DESPISES cigarettes and smoke)actually hugged me and told me he was "so" proud of me! Hes a great guy but kinda stingy with expressing feelings or giving kudos...so this leveled me, and left me sobbing the ugly cry with tears of sweet joy.
Since Thursday night, I have saved $40.00. At the end of one year $4,200.00 & when Ronnie succeeds in quitting which I believe he will, we will double that amount and will be $8,400.00 richer!!!
I will not have to be totin around a canister of hoses and oxygen since my diagnosis of C.O.P.D. and my Mom is battling lung cancer right now and I lost my biological Dad from lung cancer.
Im not even crabby...really, Ronnie was a little worried for his well being, but even commented on how this experience has changed me...in a good way, but I was thinkin...what else could he say?????hmmmmm
My skin will look clearer and younger...YIPEE!!!!
I have all sorts of nervous energy and everything is extremely exaggerated as my 5 senses are completely tweaked to thee max! I have been cleaning and organizing like a mental case with O.C.D. Everything is brighter, smellier, louder, better, much better.
I have come to really understand & believe that I "am" a strong woman and havent stopped growing just because Im getting older. I think Im getting wizer as well.
Im not sure how this will end up, I do know that "just for today" "just for right now" Im choosing not to smoke. I sure would appreciate any prayers to keep me strong and smoke free. Thank you all in advance.