Reflections

Sitting here in front of our toasty fire pit the other night, sipping coffee,(slappin away some B-52 sized skeeters) I was reflecting on so many changes that have occured in my life during the past year. Last year at this time, I was healing from the first of 2 surgeries on my thumb from a nasty fall at the school I was working at. I returned for 2 days last September but have since resigned needing a second surgery from being forced to go back too early(because of politics) & getting an infection that attacked the wound & surrounding tissue.

I worked really hard testing & preparing for that supervisors position & it was sad for me to leave.

I had to...

for me.

Ive also made some personal changes as I shared in recent posts about not people pleasing or competing in blogland & Ive learned some good lessons there....

Then this crazy turn of events of & after writing for Barbara Sinors book,(Tales of Addiction & stories of inspiration) then being featured in "Recovering The Self" this coming October, & then as if that wasnt enough... the follow up invite/offer to write as a regular contributor there, well its just taken on a momentum of its own.

During all of these changes, Ive put my creating dolls & painting on the back burner & I realized some of my meloncholy that I couldnt identify with all this other good stuff happening...came from a place of discontent. I LOVE creating dolls. Its what makes my heart beat a little faster, its what gives me a sense of identity & purpous especially in a time of changing seasons, calendar wise & metaphorically speaking.

So Im trying to incorporate both passions into my life without having to put one or the other down. Writing as much as I do, & the editing, & more editing...well its not as easy as some may think. Especially being the perfectionist that I am.

Ok,

maybe not perfectionist,

Im no Jodi Picoult,

surely no Anita Shreve....

but I am a really intense...I mean.... passionate woman.

The whole time I was worried about who I was & where I fit in..in this big olde scary world, God gently...

ok... sometimes...ok... MOST of the time... PUSHES me into doing some really uncomfortable stuff...

I ask Him to bless me indeed...increase my territory...& He does...then I act all confused & overwhelmed...

Poor God.

So as I sat outside fighting them mosquitos & moths, I realized I dont have a thing in the world to worry about.

Gods GOT this. from start to finish. Do I worry that my husbands been out of work? Do I worry cuz Im unable to work outside of the home right now? Or that Im facing some health issues in addition to possibly a 3d surgery on my deformed & painful thumb??? nahhhh, not anymore...

Ill type with my nose & paint with my toes if need be.

Im convinced this has all been already worked out for my highest good.

I can hear God chuckling sayin..."Dont trip tater chip"

I just wish Hed do something about them skeeters!

Gratitude!

MMMMMM, My home smells so nice this morning, the combination of coffee, wood burning from Ronnies new project, & the crisp breeze coming through the kitchen window reassuring us Fall is indeed around the corner.

Not sure when, or where my husband will be working next, both jobs he subcontracts for have been put on hold... both shops either waiting for materials or not being able to afford them has put our lives on hold.

We have always been well taken care of in the past when this unpredictable "SNAFU" visits us, we know this isnt any different, we dont panic, we utilize our creative options staying focused on what "we" can do, & leave the rest to God.

Or...........

we can insist Opie earns his keep & sit him on the side of a highway with a sign stating "Will do tricks for Begginstrips"

Ive been busy making apple cobbler, & painting a cute little denim jacket for Natalie Jo.

Painting on denim sure aint for cissies, but Im pleased with the results, Ive designed a whimsical goofy sunshine to complete the back side.

Ronnie was so sweet insisting that we go to Best Buy 3 days before my birthday & buy a WIFI Router thingy for my new laptop, so Im not so limited in one area of our house.

Ive been wanting to create a studio of sorts upstairs in the empty & rather large finished, attic with 2 rooms. I can bring the laptop up there & work upstairs either painting, sewing or writing.

in the really "red" rooms...

Had no idea when the newlyweds were living here & encouraged to paint their new digs any color they wanted....that it would be "Bordello Red"

but it is....

really red.

Ronnie also surprized me with the new issue of Create & Decorate...(ran to AC Moore w/o me) (how stinkin cute is that????)& its a good one.

I cannot WAIT to begin making some adoreable Bats from Denise Whites "The Cats Pyjamas", & a couple of perfect prim & whimsical pumkin dolls by a variety of artists.

So Ive got a busy day ahead of me...its a wonderful cool & dry day to make some delicious Cheeseburg Casserole with a healthy salad from fresh veggies from our local Farmers Market, finish up Nats jacket & do some writing for RTS for their next issue. I still cannot wrap my thoughts around this amazing oppertunity that takes my breath away.

Just a quick note before closing, I did research on a recent post concerning the designers' name I wasnt sure of who designed the crow & pumpkin I painted & made into a fall pillow & I was right, it was indeed "Susan Burd". (She just rocks)

Thank you for stopping by, it JUST tickles me knowing you care enough to swing by.

I hope everyone has a fun filled week celebrating all weve been blessed with!♥

New Chapter...

"Recovering The Self" has invited me to write for them and to be a part of their magnificent family/team. Of course I thought about this amazing learning experience for me, I also of course asked my husband what he thought????...

I should have known that man couldnt be objective with anything concerning me, he is my number one supporter in anything & all I do...yup...even the crazy changes, colors, & doos I make in my hair at any given moment...he just loves me...& Im not sure who was more excited about this...me or him?

But then I thought perhaps this decision that was riding a bit high on my scale to just jump & grow some wings on the way down...to avoid this decision that might be based on ego or excitement, I went to my best friend in the whole world...God.

This is what I heard...& I dont even talk like this so although it was my voice, it was His words.

"Child, you come to me daily in our talks, walks, or in your journal & ask me to honor the prayer of Jabez...and ask me to increase your territory, to bless you, to guide you... to keep you clean, sober & ever changing, to put people in your path, Yet here you are, still you lack clarity on this amazing oppertunity youve been invited to be a part of?"

Do you not trust me?

Kat interrupts & tells God its "her" she doesnt trust.....
Im sure He rolled His eyes...

"You have been blessed with your gift of words, your brand new life, family, friends, material luxuries, & I only did what you werent able to do for yourself, "you" child did the rest."

He was on a roll & then continued with this....

"Im touched that theres little you wont do without seeking guidance from me, but Kat, you are more than capable of walking thru any nervousness & give back what was so freely given to you...I know this road of recovery, radical changes in both forgiving others & forgiving yourself in addition to carrying the message hasnt always been easy, but as I always tell you...To whom much is given, much is expected.

I have given you much, it is time to give it away....I want you to accept this blessing with the gratitude, with the love & experiences we have been thru together & I want you to accept this gift & then do some re-gifting... touch lives...You have made a difference in mine.....love, God"

So I emailed my editor back & humbly accepted this generous offer to write, I thanked him for believing in me, trusting me with this monumental responsibility & honor, & especially for wanting to help me follow my dreams while writing for this amazing magazine that celebrates & embraces healing, the mind, body & spirit.
So once again, Im following my bliss. Im dwelling in possibility, & Recovering the Self.

So the hubs & I are sitting on our front porch this evening & Opies havin a ball, jaws snappin at flies...trying to befriend a bumble bee & just sittin there as cute as cute can be...panting, smiling, trying to lick me,& Grampa.
He just sittin there staring into my soul with his big dark beautiful liquid brown eyes, & Im thinkin how beautiful would this picture be?
So I grab the camera & attempt snapping the picture of the year...

EZPZ this guys a ham....

"Here Opie, Grammies takin your picture...

You who......
look at Grammie....
O-O-O-P-I-E...
Come on Opers, Ill give you a cookie"...
all of a sudden, hes camera shy????

..when in tarnation did THAT happen?

He squinted his eyes,
stopped smiling started scowling & wouldnt look at me..
not for love or money
( actually not really money but snausages).

So this is what I got...
the pout.

These Hollywood stars forget where they came from.
Hes no Eddie on Frazier thats for sure!

Ok, so I may or may not trying to push fall.
I love me some fall.
I painted this crow & pumpkin, & made it into a cute little pillow to tuck somewhere special. I found this pattern in an old issue of one of my favorite magazines... Create & Decorate,I mean besides Recovering The Self....
BUT...
Im so embarrassed, I cant for the life of me remember who the awesome designer was, Im wanting to say Susan Byrd, but in all fairness, to keep me a Scaredy Kat & not a copy Kat, (cuz Homie dont play that)I promise to research her name for sure & edit this & include her name tomorrow.

I also finally finished one of Terrye Frenches designs on this piece of wood I found in someones outside trash...HELLO! my trash to treasure...now my husband once again wouldnt hear of me fussin & complaining that Id made so many mistakes, Im just hopin when it was all said & dont Terrye French may not WANT me to credit her with the final outcome...LOL
Im just sayin....
Well...Suck it up Ter, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do...but my husband was so cute, he said, "Babe, theres never mistakes when creating...its just "custom" LOL

Oh my dear Lord & all thats holy...

what did I ever do to deserve this man?

Thank you so much for stopping by & to all who left such heart warming comments to me about my new blog, my experiences, challenges, & hopes.
I dont know what Id ever do without any of you. ♥♥♥

Refurbished BLOG!

So since Im embracing change...I figured...lets change it all... Do ya just love the new look of "Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow"????
Im having a blast refurbishing the old & bringing in the new....
WELCOME!♥♥!♥

Well looky whos back after such a long time!

It has been too long since Ive been here...but sadly, my desk top finally bought the farm! Oh did she crash hard & so did I! (I am not kidding)

I FrEaKeD out! I had all of my pictures on a disc or memory cards, but I had JUST completed a lengthy article I had worked hard on writing for a phenomenally creative magazine celebrating recovery called "Recovering The Self" & was facing a deadline...even after an extention of sorts...

Well gratefully on the one day...the very last, before she keeled over & died, I was able to email the article to myself, make the necessary changes & sent it off safely to my editor. No sooner did I hit send & that was the last time I was able to do anything on it.

God is so good.

Yes much has happened....

Kat has an editor.

After having my very personal story published with 19 others sharing their experiences in Barbara Sinors book called "Tales of Addiction & inspiration for recovery" I was contacted by the gentleman who edited Barbaras book & invited me to write an article for their magazine celebrating healing & recovery.

He asked me to write about how dollmaking was cohesive to my sobriety.

I am still reeling about this miracle, this oppertunity, this blessing!

This sure is BeYoNd anything I could have ever imagined for myself.

I am humbled, nervous & very excited to be featured in the next issue. I was asked to send photos since they are thinking about using my pictures of my dolls for the cover Im being featured in!

So last Monday I took all I was able to save for the past 2 months & bought this amazing brand new Laptop...

Another miracle.

I even get a Geek Squad Agent for the next 6 months!

His name is Zack.

He is my new BFF!

I even set up the guest room for him but he claims Best Buy has this crazy rule about their geeks goin off to live with neurotic, middle aged, customers!

HMMMPH!

So heres the thing....

Being left to my own lonely devises w/o the luxury of having access to my computer, I have learned MUCH about myself. I believe God used this sabatical to get my attention.

I have done alot of listening...Hes been whispering & Ive been hearing.

I have learned the importance of self discipline, time management, who my real friends are...who arent... the importance of being true to myself.

I have learned & Im not proud, in fact Im deeply ashamed:(but I have been working hard to people please, trying to be a part of a blogging popularity contest (which was all on me) & I stopped honoring & embracing whats really important to me.

I love creating dolls, some primitive, some art dolls, some very whimsical. I also love writing, I love cooking, & decorating but I cant pretend Im someone Im not...I dont have a luxurious,elegantly primitive or shabby chic home to share...Ive allowed myself to feel less than because I cant compete... so Ive stayed away, I stopped blogging & hid safely, comfortably on facebook.

Shame on me.

I had stopped sharing the best part of me in fear of being rejected because of a couple of people who werent "comfortable" that Id shared my gratitude for sobriety or about being asked to write for a recovery magazine in a forum... I was asked to stop sharing about my sobriety. People complained to the forum owner. I felt bad that the moderator had make that uncomfortable call to bring it to me at all, gratefully she did so with apologies & grace...it was my choice not to return.

I never shared about my life "before" sobriety, only how grateful I was living the life Ive been blessed with now. Im not an idiot...really Im not....I examined what I had shared with them & I am ok with me & just sorry it happened at all.

I couldnt even wrap my thoughts around that one. & I left feeling really hurt, almost ashamed...

until.....

I realized I am not going to "conform" or be less than who I am.

I wont go to your blogging house or forum sharing anything other than related topics, dolls or whatevers on the menu... Because its yours.....

But here???

at "my" house?

Its ON!

I will use the voice, creativity, passion for life & give all I have.

Thats the beauty of choices. We all have them.

I will share & CELEBRATE pictures of my humble abode, my beautiful family, friends, my goofy pets, my creations, my ups, my downs, and yes sometimes that may include experiences with the scary word "s-o-b-r-i-e-t-y!

But not because of me...but because in case someone is struggling, or has questions or concerns about themselves, a family member or friend. Ive been privilidged a couple of times when someones had the courage to contact me & ask me about such things....

Too whom much is given, much is expected.

Ill use my last dying breath to lighten someones load....

I apologize if this sounded a little negative, but I wanted to explain why my blog will celebrate Real Life....

Thank you so much for allowing me to express whats been on my heart for a long time now.

That said, Id love to share some pictures of my family, the love of my life, Miss Natalie Jo whos growing faster than I care to acknowledge...the last time we were there celebrating her first birthday? she called me "Gam-ma"

Thank God it was in front of others or no one would have believed me....cuz Im constantly making a fool of myself loving this child.♥♥♥

Thank you so much for stopping by & I hope to see you again...