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Monday, August 17, 2009

HELLLP ME PLEEEASE!!!!!


Good Lord my Bloggin saviours...friends, commeraderie, mentors, anyone???????????????
I am a MESS!
Thank goodness for delightful surprizes such as the one I had Saturday of my little girlfriend "Enola" & her brother Mikey and Mom "Nicole" who stopped by WITH grocery bags full of BBQing goodies for us to throw on the grill...fresh ears of yellow and white corn...ohhh whats that corn called that melts in your mouth? is it sugar corn? oh well you know what I mean..short term memory is still trying to come home...LOL & beans, chicken, & I had made tuna/cucumber pasta salad that only took about 3 hours to prepare...Jeesh! with Ronnies help..he diced the celery, onion and cukes...um twice cuz he made em kinda too chunky the first time..hes such a good sport..so Ronnie taught Mikey how to woodburn his first project on a small box & Mikey blew us all away with his 9 year old talent...a couple of games of horseshoes while Nicole, Enola & I chilled...well Enolas 16 months so we kinda chased her around but we had a ball.
What Im beggin for help with is....this self absorbed nightmare of boredom Im feeling while still unable to do much of anything with this albatross of a dead stump I think used to be my right hand/arm/thumb!!!! I am really STRUGGLING with being unable to do absolutely anything while still in this cast..man I see some men and women who courageously experience chemotherapy with such a spirit of grace and dignity...not me..uhhh-uhhhh..what a wus I learned I am. I hear myself complaining and thing WHAT people MUST be thinking..Ohhh POOR ME..cant do housework, cook, clean, bake, create and or decorate...has to allow her husband to serve and wait on her hand and foot..ohhh POOR KAT!!! LOL Im just sayin....I am no hero...Im quite ashamed of myself for not being able to accept and embrace this as life on lifes terms or that its temporary...
Im not a tv watcher...Ive been reading novel after novel....I come on the computer to stimulate myself and I feel more frustrated seeing all the things I cant do right now...I ended up making a mistake last week while still trying to master left/clicking.left/mouse rolling...& when I recieved an invite to upgrade my spyware/virus protection, I tried to decline but mistakingly clicked on UPGRADE NOW!!!! then I couldnt stop the madness!!!! so I finally upgraded....against my will....& then couldnt reply or send any emails recieved, nor could I delete anything in my spam box...AAARRRGHHH where in tarnation did I put the suicide hotline number?????????????????????????
so I go to the yahoo online chat techie guy "Al" (thank you Al...you so rock") and after spending 1 hour and 26 tearfilled minutes helping me land this plane.....I found out after going into the bowels of the earth in cyberland that I had to enable my javascript thingy..and I was finally fixed..Ill bet shortly lafter that little journey "Al" is probably looking desperatley for the same number for suicide prevention that I was..OR......he drank his lunch!!!! LOL
so back online suffering from blogland overdose.....grieving all the fabulous new fall/autumn decorating, creating and designing dolls that I dont see happening for me anytime in the near future...I humbly come back here to where Im loved in spite of my whining, complaining and venting...
My doctors appt. is Aug 28th to find out if Im healed enough to begin Physical therapy...and work/school begins on the following Monday the 31st...& Im pretty sure I wont be available or ready to go back to work..my poor boss is freaking out cuz we just found out my assistant wont be returning and just quit!!! so I wont be there..my assistant wont be there...and the kids will be thinking Im not coming back...ohhhhhhh..but I YAMMMMMM I YAMMMMM!!! arent I?
Ive been praying and expressing my heartfelt gratitude to God, that I "Have" a job, I will be healed but in His time, not mine..I have learned things about myself..some good..some well...maybe not so good, but still lessons...I have found out who my true friends have been and who have been aquaintences and Im grateful I have "them", Im clean, sober, didnt get strung out on the powerful pain meds and I have a fabulous husband who Ive fallen head over heels in love with all over again after 21 years together....so I am still very blessed and spoiled...I just miss so many parts of my old life...and thats a good thing.
Im keeping my dear friend "Stacey" from Ravens Haven in my thoughts and prayers as she sadly lost her precious Dad last week....
I am looking forward in celebrating my birthday on Thursday the 20th with some friends and more BBQing goodies, well probably fire up our awesome new fire pit, light the tiki torches and just embrace the truely precious things in my life...family & friends.....
I thank so many of you who have humored me, popped in on me, emailed or left encouraging and loving comments...Pam, Tina, Laura, Peanut, Cookie, my sister Ginnie, and of course Stacey.....I love you all so much. Thank you for never giving up on me.

2 comments:

Tina said...

God is the Master for sure and taking chaotic and seemingly unsolvable problems and straightening them out and spinning them into golden moments. Hurray, I see goodness and blessing all around you. Hang in there, the work stuff, your appt, the physical therapy, the computer stuff will all take care of itself. you just take care of yourself. Love you my friend I've never met.
Blessings, T

CiNdEe said...

I understand how hard it is to be disabled and want to get things done. Seeing all the things out there and wish you could be doing them!
A few years ago I had a lawnmower attack me. I lost part of my middle finger on my right hand and had some severe laserations on my other fingers. So I couldn't do squat. I had to learn to use my left hand for the mouse. It worked! I now use it all the time. I never went back to using the right hand! So hang in there, you will get the swing of it!
As for making dolls. It took me a long time before I could do that. I also lost my ablility to paint)-: I use to feel sorry for myself but I got over it, it just took a while(-: Now I have to be more creative in doing crafts because believe it or not you really need that middle finger when writing/painting etc!!!!!
I was lucky that it happened during summer and I was off work. I went back to work when school started it was just hard.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!!
Happy Early Bday incase I miss it!!!!