Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow

H.O.P.E.

2011-04-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

HOPE= How Our Problems End.

And I need alot of inspiration & hope to help me overcome my nicotene addiction.

But before I introduce my Recovery Angel I created from Robin Seebers pattern again, although I went off the beaten path so to speak....Ive seen alot of designers on the proverbial battlefield upset rightfully so about copied designs w/o being given credit & Im so hyper sensitive to remember to acknowledge these designers...although Im hoping "because" Ive gone off this said path, I hope I dont upset anyone....Im a Scaredy Kat not a Copy Kat...I dont know if anyone would even want credit with my sometimes clumsy or alternative, funky & loopy ideas that Ive added but Id rather be safe than reeeeally reeeeally sorry.

But I digress.

The cool chick Ive painted on this pickle jar is a Shari Reiner design (I just love her whimsy)...I put a glass voltive candle holder w/ a tea light in the mouth & tied a fabric bow around it.

I refer to it as my "God Jar" I learned about it from a group of friends in A.A./N.A. They suggest we can decorate any box, jar, or container to use when were having a hard time letting go of something were either resisting or hanging onto. They can be resentments, prayers, requests, or just plain old gratitude. We write one sentence down on a post it note, insert it, light the candle & pray for peace, & ask our Creator or God to help our light to shine brighter than whatever it is weve inserted in the jar.

I know for me "If I dont let go, I get dragged" & Ive got the road rash scars to prove it!

After 30 days of adding our "posted" issues, we go back & read them & most of them arent even so big or even an issue anymore.
Because when we truely let go...
God takes them.
We throw them away & begin again.
When I shared this w/ my friend Renna, I told her that Im probably gonna need a bigger jar, she suggested a gallon size pickle jar? ....I dunno I was thinkin more of a "kegger"!

And now I can finally introduce my completed Angel I felt compelled to make for me.

Im fighting this embarrasing, shameful but very real & difficult addiction to nicotene.
It was something I always easily justified, I often lied to myself about dealing with one thing at a time,

Ill quit when they get too expensive....Puff ...Puff...Puff...
Ill quit when my husband does...Puff...Puff...Puff....
Ill quit when my lungs tell me to....Puff puff puff...
Well they did.
Last December during the week of Christmas, I caught what I thought was the bi-yearly bronchitis...when it didnt go away after being treated with several anti-biotics, prednisone, breathing treatments, 3 inhalers &cough syrup w/ codene, I went to a specialist after 2 months had passed & my pitbull bark that was VIOLENT & non stop, & the pain in my right lung was intolerable, my specialist ordered a CAT Scan....they found 6 nodule/masses on my right lung.

Sick as this sounds...as scared as I was I puffed myself into a frenzy...coughing, crying, up all night, (husband & family very scared) I commited that if I did have lung cancer Id smoke myself right into the ground,(God must have been so proud of me for that one) no reason to quit now....& if I didnt & indeed dodged the lung cancer bullet, I promised God I would give everything I had into quitting....to stop cheating Him, my family...myself. I had/have no quality of life being this sick.

My Pulmonary Specialist reassured me I do not have lung cancer from looking at the Cat scan but still had to figure out, explore, measure & biopsy, & do cultures so scheduled me for a Bronchoscopy which I had 2 days ago...
now...
. had I known it would be performed thru my NOSE....

did you hear me?????
THRU MY FREEKING NOSE!
& not thru my big fat mouth, I would have been a no show....

OMG I need another Tums just thinking about it again.

A Scaredy Kat FULL THROTTLE!!!!

No amount of his valium, numbing NASTY tasting gargling pre op concoction &/or fentynal could calm me down for this nightmare.
I dont remember it goin in but I was coming out of it when it was coming out & yall?
I still swear it wasnt the anesthesia but he DID have his foot on my stomach yankin that sucker out!!!!!

He said he didnt....

He LIES.

Thats my story & Im stickin to it.

I see him this week for the results & our next move on treatment or what to do in getting me much better. I know he cant do it alone...I know its up to me to accept that I HAVE to quit smoking completely.

but be honest....

after reading my experience didnt it make you want to light a freeking cigarette?

Or something??????
Im just sayin.
I have cut down significantly& sometimes dont smoke at all for several consecutive days... but thats not good enough for me...or God. I made Him a promise.
I have begged Him to do for me what Im unable to do for myself. ....again.

He did it many years ago when I was suffering & drinking & using...then again helping me with the strength, courage & desire to taper & get off of methadone...this should be a breeze no?

Hell to the NO!!!!

So I created this Recovery Angel for me....with a 24 hour A.A. medallion reminding me I can do anything for 24 hours....then I included a silver heart necklace with the inspiring words "Strength, Courage & Wisdom" on it....& on her pillow I stitched Conceieve, Believe, Achieve. and completed it w/ a tag with Eleanor Roosevelts famous & powerful quote

" You must do that which you think you cannot do"

I LOVE that woman.

I lit a candle while creating her asking God to repulse me when I crave nicotene, free me, strengthen me... save me....

I dont want my Grand daughter to believe the only way to "get thru" something, enjoy life or calm down with a cigarette. I want to be there for my kids, & their kids, & to enjoy the second half of my life celebrating it not tolerating it because Im puffing & coughing away. I shared in my last blog entry that I was taking a little bit of a different path with the direction of my blog. I put myself out here, not always pretty, normal, comfortable or politically correct, but Ill always expose who I am.

Not because I believe im all that important but because we never know who might be fighting their own demons or battles & may find HOPE in one of my experiences, battles, & belief in fighting the good fight. It aint always pretty, but its real.
Ill close with thanking you for stopping by.

And with this...
"Id rather be hated for who I am than loved for who Im not"

2011-04-10T05:56:00.000-07:00

Ive been busy this past week & it feels so good to have had some of my energy return. Ive got 2 appts this week w/ Pulmonary Specialists & my new Pulmonary Therapist is just amazing. Shes helping support me while Im on this trip to hell in terms of becoming a non smoker. I have good days, or I should say successful, then something will get me nervous or upset & I fail.

I shared with her the importance of having someone like herself who isnt so black & white while quitting this addiction to nicotene. my Doctor, (& I do love him) but hes the Black & White kinda guy I speak of. (NO MERCY)

Amys more of a "gray" person. She understands what a difficult process it is & doesnt badger or judge me on the days I fail.

So I wanted to make her an angel emulating her beautiful spirit. I was inspired by Robin Seebers Outside the Box pattern Id found last year in Create N Decorate magazine, I doctored my version up if youll excuse the pun! :) Can you believe I actually found a miniature see thru x-ray & stethescope I glued to the stand?

Im seeing her Tuesday & will give it to her then. I made a stained tag saying "Embrace Your Gray-ce"

Im already busy on to my next angel Im making to celebrate "Recovery"

I stitched this primitive willow tree & made it into a cute little pillow tuck.

I posted a picture of my beloved Opie who like his Grampa who also has a sweet tooth & I was having a hard time keepin him out of the Easter Basket I had on my coffee table. (it was just easier in the end to move it)

Its so sunny & beautiful outside this morning, I think Im going to take Opie out for a long walk...They really need to sell Puppy Ipods.

Thank you for stopping by & may we all be reminded to ....

"Embrace Our Gray-ce"

New Directions

2011-04-05T05:19:00.000-07:00

Ive made the decision to make some changes in my personal life which will include sharing them on my blog. Originally I created this blog to include only my artwork, my dolls, projects, etc...with likeminded artisans. I was introduced to my passion of dollmaking through some amazing Primitive Artists, Historians, & friends of friends on FB. I have grown in my creativity which expanded into my other passion which is writing & carrying the message of hope to anyone living with addictions or know someone who is. As some of you know I am a recovering heroin/cocaine addict. Hello???? Thump thump thump.... Is this thing on? Yeah, I was wondering cuz I usually lose alot of people at THIS point. One of the reasons I began my journey of painting, sewing & creating was when I had begun the looong, slow, painful road to recovery. I needed some other venue to stimulate me, one that didnt include syringes, triggers, cravings & Church Basements loaded every night with other souls seeking a new way of life thru the 12 steps. I am so indebted to this group of people I consider my personal heros but there came a time (& Ive often been critisized for this) but I wanted to live my life without being reminded in every fiber of my being of what I did, or to who...who I used to be... Wasnt there more to my identity than being " Kat the Recovering Addict"? I found there was, there is...so I ran, I ran deep into Art Therapy. People at Craft fairs & forums who had no clue as to my old demons or new found recovery. But then God blessed me with a full circle of sorts & decided my gifts werent only in my creating on fabric, wood or faces, but in sharing "my" way out......& the way "in" to others who still suffer from the ravages of addictions, or early recovery where they feel as if their going to die of boredom, lack of interest & stimulation....I am just blessed but often feel burdened with the desire & unable to share how I want to help support the patients who have sought help thru the contraversial but life saving (for me) path of Recovery with Methadone. Ill support anyone on or curious about wanting to taper off. Ive been all over the map with that one, but since I have been both alcohol, drug AND medication free for a long time, I cant take my blessings & run. I am called to give back. Arent we all? So Ive been praying for guidance from God to help place me. I didnt know if I belonged only in the dollmaking community being careful who I shared my complete journey & then wondering who to invite to read my articles in "Recovering The Self" since each articles Ive had published speak of my history of the dark into the light...I felt as if I were living the great white lie. I "do" understand how ugly, & disturbing drug addiction can be, can sound, smell like, feel like. But finding the beauty of recovery & all of its miracles, blessings out weigh any odious fears we have in opening our minds and or hearts. And the cool thing is having choices is that we all have them. If someones not comfortable reading this blog or someone elses, we have the choice to leave, run, never to return, but I have experiences, strength, hope AND a voice...AND Im preparred to use them ALL. Right here. I will never share or allow anything (comments included) to be too graphic or negative, because then we lose hope. I lived a life of ugly, & negativity, it was a dark place & I want to provide light...mine, yours...ours....Gods. So from now on Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow will be going in a different direction. Quoting Diana Ross.... IM COMING OUT! I will continue sharing my artwork, my creations, my passions about writing, my CrAzY babies with fur...my friends, my family, AND how we all got here. I really do appreciate those who love me in spite of myself, my quirkiness, my neurotic bantering, musings & growing pains. But I wouldnt havent been growing at all if I were by myself. I LOVE the saying .... "Its not the destination, but the journey." I thank you for stopping by & hope those of you who join me do so with hope in their hearts leaving any judgements at the door.

Be Ye Thankful

2011-04-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

And I so am....very thankful. I sent these goodies off to a dear friend in Rhode Island. I had such a good time stitching at night while watching our favorite shows on TV. & This canvas tote which I painted both sides was a facial twitching treat at times. I just feel so called to Shari Reiners amazing designs. Shes so whimsical & when I see anything she paints, I feel happy inside. And isnt THAT what its all about? Im sitting here sucking away on one of my Nicotrol inhalers trying to beat the nicotene dragon. Im not proud to say that most of you know I have experience with recovering from addictions but NEVER has one been as difficult...as nerve wracking as nicotene. I feel like I wanna eat someone. No.... really.... I sincerely do. Im not fussy... anyone will do. My doctor has introduced me to Holistic Healing Therapy. BUT Im desperate enough to try anything. Join me if you will & close your eyes while I guide you into the very twisted & hysterical visual of ME in a pair of Yoga pants trying to touch the floor grunting & groaning???? Go ahead...laugh...ya know ya want to... Ill wait... I got nothin but time. Im putting the same hard work & faith into this as I did my other recovery. I do have a suggestion though for the Nicotrol people though... They should allow not only nicotene to be inhaled as your desperately sucking away... but... perhaps a few LARGE miligrams of Valium... Im just sayin. Just tryin to be helpful. Im grateful the weather will be turning warmer so I can begin walking. I have my IPOD loaded with some CrAzY songs that always keep me hoppin with housework, so power walking should be excellent with music. I love me my Beastie Boys...Fiona Apple....Leela James....Bon Jovi...Guns N Roses...Pink.... black Sabbath...Humble pie...OZZIE!!!!!some Hip hop from the 80s....The Humpty.... Now whos laughin??? Yes I LOVE The Humpty...I may or may not be seen at any given time DOING the Humpty if Im sure no ones lookin....& if Im really in the mood I may not care whos watchin! Shouldnt we all live our lives singin & dancin as if no one was????? Im wishing everyone a magnificent day & week to come. Im going to check on our oven roaster & make my "Healthy" salad w/ lishy little cherry tomatoes...mmmmm Thank you for stopping by to spend a few minutes with me....Scaredy Kat. ♥ (Shes the one in the Yoga pants....)

Happy March, happy spring, happy happy everything

2011-03-25T06:05:00.000-07:00

"The Spring has sprung, the flowers has riz....I wonda where dem boidies is????"

Here they are!!!
I found these lil peeps in my issue of Create N Decorate by Cheryl Wall....what fun to make. I went to town making 22 of these. Some had polka dots, some had hair, some didnt...I brought an Easter basket filled with green grass, loaded with chocolate eggs, jelly beans, & 3 of these chicks for the Clinic where I co-facilitate groups every Friday. This morning I put the basket on the front desk where the patients swipe their ID cards before being medicated & I heard so many ooohing & ahhing this morning, it made me so happy.

I feel bad that I havent been a very good Blogger lately, I have had my hands full with my husband who finally had his second surgery to remove the mesh that his body rejected after his first hernia surgery.
They replaced it, flushed him out & probably changed his oil cuz hes much better now.
In fact the picture I took of him below was only 4 days after his second surgery. He was on his way to his cousins wake & I thought he was lookin purdy dapper!

In fact during his recouperation... or the pain meds, Im still not sure which, but bored him enough that this man FINALLY grew some interest in the internet...his adoreable index finger pecking out greetings...intense staring at the screen gigglin like a fool.... & making comments on....on...HIS OWN FACEBOOK page!!!! OH Mannnnnn....Ronnie has joined the millenium....
Welcome Darlin...
I have created a monster...
Now he wants to tweet!

The other reason for my absence is that I have been facing & dealing with a very serious lung issue & have been seeing a Pulmonary Surgeon who is planning to remove 6 masses that were found on my right lung. Im grateful to say they dont "believe" its lung cancer which runs rampant in my immediate family, AND Im not proud to admit I was a smoker my entire adult life... but we'll know better once this new Doctor examines my CAT Scan & will take a look see with a camera/scope.... do a biopsy & measure these suckers etc...HMMMM Im thinkin Im not all that excited about that prospect but its time to pay the piper...I have lived reckless & irresponsibly.
I blame no one but myself.

The changes incorprated in my life lately which is NOT smoking, eating less... moving more... has made for one crabby Kat!

But I am grateful & want to live to see my Natalie grow up. Be half the wife my husband is to me. Carry the message of hope to addicts needing support...to give back to my patient, forgiving & always loving sons....Ive got much work to do.
I have to change.

"If you want something youve never had before, you must do what youve never done before..."

So now onto more fun things to share....

I finally finished my new commisioned frog I named Angelceena since my friend who ordered her is named Alceen. She asked me to create a frog (which she collects) with her own spirit shining thru & since shes a passionate advocate for surviviors of Domestic Violence, I had a blast making her. I was honored to create this doll since Alceens husband was my counselor while I needed support in my own journey of recovery from addiction & is my mentor today.

The John Sliney design I painted on a pickle jar was for my girlfriend for Christmas & the pillow I cross stitched was for my buddy Lynn from Painting Thyme Needfuls. I lOVE this woman. I met her thru her blog, but now happily make it my mission to try & drive her crazy on FB...she has that effect on me. She is not a victim, she can certainly hold her own & dishes out the laughter and love as well. I am truely blessed.

Im staying focused & busy writing & just submitted my third article to Recovering The Self for Aprils exciting issue. I was asked to write about any disability I had experienced with either personally or professionally. Growing up with learning disabilities in the late 60s & the ignorance & bullying that I experienced & then the acceptance & healing when my own son was diagnosed in the late 80s gave me much to share.

And in closing I would like to congratulate my oldest son for beginning his new job as a Philly Police Officer. Although hes been a New Jersey Police Officer for the past 4 & a half years, Philly requires extensive training, so Monday he hops on a plane for Little Rock Arkansas for 8 weeks. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I know hes excited but its breaking his heart to leave his wife & little Natalie for so long.

Its a beautiful Friday morning & Im off to continue a LARGE painting project for a friend on a canvas tote bag & if any kind of facial twitches are to be had...it would be painting on this bad boy. I need the work, the joy & reason for breathing.

Creative art & friendship provides just that.

May we all be blessed & live our last day as if it "were" our last.

Thank you for spending a few minutes with Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow...and Ive got MUCH to crow about.

Nat-urday Healing

2011-01-25T04:20:00.000-08:00

What a winter wonderland we awoke to this morning. Caught Ronnie RED Handed outside this morning brushing cars off....5 days after a 3 & 1/2 hour hernia surgery that was supposed to be a quick one hour in and out ... followed by a very intense recovery room experience where his blood pressure dropped & he became shock-y & concerned the nurses & his wife...so stitches in tact, hes outside this morning grinning as Im looking at him from the door as if he lost his mind....I told him if he needs to DO something, he could DO the dishes!
WHATEVER!
So Natalie & the kids left yesterday & gratefully missed this weather going back to Jersey. I am pretty proud of myself, the neighbors werent snickering because Jordan & Ronnie had to pry my body off of their bumper as they left the drive way & I see lil Nats tattooed stamped hand waving goodbye.
OMGAWD! Dont think for a minute that hanging on their bumper did NOT cross my mind...
Its certainly NOT beneath me...
Nothing is when it comes to this little girl.
NO-THING!
My integrity is still in tact!
This time....
What a wonderful & healing visit it was. Dave called his brother, his best friend & they all went out to eat...
and....
to drink.....
LOTS of drinkin...
Im not sure I needed or wanted to hear all about shots they competed shooting...
Im in recovery...not them...
They were all pretty funny talking about the "Booty Shakin Bar" they went to...I cant picture either of my very manly sons "shakin their booties"
I think one may have...
they aint sayin much about that...
I got my money on the copper.....
Yeah, hes the one who woke up with the hangover the size of Texas....
Fried dough is a great hang over reliever...my dainty lil size 2 daughter in law sat down & threw 6 pieces down her gullet,then went back for 2 more.
She can do that & get away with it...she stays fit chasin Nat around.
Mannnnnn...I got a whole new respect for toddler owners...the back of my thighs, calves and.... and...
well my bootie shakin would make any of the "shakers" workin the pole the night in question very proud!
Pop Pop & I are certifiably beat! pooped.
Oh how cute was Natalie saying "Pop Pop...Pop pop...where my pop Pop? Nattie want Pop pop....
Yeah.....
NO!
At first the kids & I were all thinkin how stinkin sweet is that????? Of course olde Pop Pop is just beaming like a fool...She didnt want much of anything to do with any of us. I pick her up & shes struggling lookin for...yeah... Pop Pop...
WHATEVER!
The kids & I were all smilin in front of him...all sweet like but we were all lookin at each other rollin our eyes!!!!! It WAS getting a little annoying!
Rons cracking up saying "WHAAAT? I didnt do anything,...I cant help it...(she loves me)"
What does he know, hes all gooned up on dilaudid...
Lucky bast...
So Lana baked us all this sinful & I would imagine illegal or should be..Applebee Blondie with 100 % pure Vermont made syrup & Vanilla bean ice cream....
We spent 2 days eating, laughing, joking, picture taking...40 pictures to victimize each and every one of you at any given time...
OHHHH COME ON yall...you KNEW I was a Gramma idiot, so dont go acting all surprized NOW!

Pop pop was just beaming from ear to ear as he proudly exercized his right of passage & gave Nattie her first rub on (shhhh dont tell her its not real) Tattoo on her little hand...she calls it Pop pops Kakkoo!

All that experience did was make Ronnie want to have her sized for her first Leather jacket!

Unca Jordan was another problem....

and DORA!

Next visit...

Im banning anything having to do with Dora...

or Pop Pop...

Or anyone who diverts her attention to where it should be...

ON ME! Oh shes got my heart as no other.

The house is eerily & sadly quiet & clean.
I didnt even care for 2 full days it was TODDLER TRASHED! I was in my ever lovin sweet glory....

Can someone please pass the damn box of Kleenex?????

So back to life, back to reality. Im going to be starting a commisioned frog doll for a dear friendof mine who is married to one of my old (as in time not in age) counselors who I consider one of my Mentors today. Alceen honored me & asked me to create a frog for her emulating her personality & embracing her very passionate cause being an advocate for Domestic Violence. I will soon be knee deep in purple solids & prints making a dress & bloomers...ohhhh the sweet relief I always find in the healing qualities of Art Therapy.

Thank you all for stopping by & having a cuppa cawfee with me.

May we all smile & feel hope in our hearts for better tomorrows & embrace all of our todays...

thanks for being a part of mine♥

New England Blessings

2011-01-18T03:47:00.000-08:00

My Toddler in Crime "Nat" is coming this weekend...Can we get a WHOO HOO?

Shes sportin her new denim jacket I made her last spring...Nampa...who Nat has decided... on her own one day to just up & change his name (maybe to protect his innocence) to "Pop Pop" who btw is finally scheduled AGAIN....for hernia surgery this Thursday, so as sore & gooned up as Im sure hell be, Nurse Nat will be exactly what the Dr. orders for smiles, & healing.

I cannot wait to see the kids & exchange presents with them for our belated Christmas. Nats Unca...Jordan & Tee Tee NoNo will be here as well. Unca will be here after he gets out of work at his NEW job...working for his favorite Car Dealership as in house Service Mechanic....oh dreams do come true dont they?

Rons surgery was cancelled last Thursday because of the 2 feet of snow Conn. got slammed with. This is a nightmare were both looking forward in seeing end.

This man is incredible...he is somehow pushing himself to work half days & all snow storms which hes out attending to as I type. Last week when he was out with his crew of 4 CrAzY guys who adore him, & had been out for 14 straight hours, he came home to dig us out... and he wasnt alone...he brought re-enforcements....these guys hopped out, grabbed 3 blowers,2 shovels, sand,& salt (looking & feeling exhausted) & all took charge & insisted Ron come in & warm up, recharge... but the Crew Pit Boss wouldnt hear of it.

Im so incredibly grateful to these hysterical & funny guys who had me belly laughing at their banter & teasing one another.
Im pretty sure not one of them would hop onto my Dollmaking/family/housewifey/writing/Blog to see how thankful I am to each of them...but stranger things have happened.

So Thank you Dan, Mark, Matt, and Dave.♥
Me? I attempted to go out before they got here & shovel...hackin up what felt like a lung...couldnt move with snow up to my thighs..I threw the shovel on the deck, came in & did what any sane, snowed in housewife would do...I made a hot egg & cheese sammy with Texas Pete Hot Sauce & spent the afternoon with The REAL Housewives of Atlanta!

Last night we were gonna have left over spaghetts, but since I am beginning to feel better from this Pneumonia, I decided to spice it up in the kitchen & give "The Pioneer Wife" Ree Drummond a little stiff competition... One fiesty redhead to another....& I so did!
I made these delicious ranch dipped parmesian/toasted onion/breaded chops.

Off the charts.
Mashed up some sweet potatoes & green beans & both Opie & Ronnie were lookin at me with eyes of wonder & love, love, love.
Watch out Ree, there may be a new sheriff in town!

I posted a picture of this months beautiful issue of "Recovering The Self" a Journal or Hope & Healing. The cover is exquisite, the articles just mesmerizing. Stories, poems, experiences, victories, overcomers & opening dialogue. I am simply humbled to be a part of each issue.

I shared the picture of Ronnie reading my article because his enthusiasm for what I write just overwhelmed me....My husband is alot of wonderful things but a reader???? ummmmm... not so much.
Not unless its got Harley parts, welding news, or Mixed Martial Arts ultimate fighters in it...so to see him sitting here intensly reading each sentence WITH his Bass Master Fishing Magazine waiting for him & he read this first?????oh heart of mine be still.

AAAAHHHHHHHHH......♥♥♥

Im also very excited to share that I was offered a new position as a Recovery Coach at the same Treatment Facility that helped save my life many years ago...A grant for this position was written, & now because of the funding, there are several requirements I must participate in, in order to meet these requirements. I have already attended an all day, very intensive training day & have become a member of the Patient Advocacy Group for NAMA... National Alliance for Medication Assisted Recovery.

Next is filling out apps,letters of ref. an interview & drug testing..bring THAT on... Im locked & loaded with so many helping me thru this nerve wracking process.
Ironically...my thumb surgery wont be happening for a couple of months so I am able to begin my new career without any immediate surgery dates comprimising or complicating any of this...

God is just blessing me & pushing me outside of my comfort zone to follow His will for me. Hes NEVER said no to me, so how could I? its not about me...not even about the high risk patients Ill be supporting..its ALL about Him!
In honor of all of my blessings, children, family, & opportunities Ive dedicated this entire month to designing & creating "Angels" I know Gods assigned me a birage of them & they dont always have wings.
My newest angels name is HOPE which I though very appropriate.

Before I close on a very personal note Ive thought carefully about replying to a comment left here, but feel I must. I will only reply this once & then moniter each future comment to avoid that which doesnt belong here. We are not victims, we are Victors in the name of our Heavenly Father.

...Attn. T.O.C. You do have family. You have chosen to publicly & privately denounce & now demote me to your "half sister" & have vehemently vowed to keep me out of your life.
It saddens me but respect your choice of this very long journey.
I love you, I continue to pray for your protection, recovery & peace. Sometimes we need to let go & let God do for us what were unable to do for ourselves. You are tucked tightly & closely in my heart & I pray that Peace & Grace happen for you...for us.

Sufficient Grace

2010-12-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

Im pretty proud of myself for finally completing this picnic basket I found on one of my flea market hunts this past summer, (Renee Mullins design) in fact, it gave me so much trouble when I first tried sealing it with the wood not wanting to soak up anything even after some serious sanding...I base coated it, & put it away for 3 weeks.

I hate admitting defeat, so needing some distraction from some personal panic I was feeling, I picked it up last week & mannnnnnnnnnn...I cant believe the cussin flyin out of my sailor mouth.

I was expecting Opie to put his paws over his ears while he sat there looking at me as if to say..."When did SHE join the Navy with that mouth?"

Yeah... all this swearing while sportin a sweatshirt saying..."Peace Happens"

Blehhhh...

Im an idiot.

Then I painted this sweet winter scene from my recent issue of Create N Decorate that one of my dear friends surprized me with, on a piece of duck cloth & made a little pillow to tuck somewhere to celebrate winter. Its a design by Kathryn Wrona. Im not generally good with snowy scenes but Im pleased with this piece Im giving to a friend for Christmas.

Peace DID happen while painting this.

WHEW.....

I titled this blog entry Sufficient Grace for a reminder to myself that no matter what kind of fears Im facing, Christs Grace is ALWAYS sufficient for me. I...we...will be taken care of.

My panic is the size of a monster because whenever the Surgeon calls, Ronnie will be going in for Hernia surgery this coming week.

Yes, before Christmas

& no, no health insurance,

and no... to sick pay.....

No weapon formed against us shall prosper.

I am grateful we found a wonderful clinic not concerned about one more American without health insurance, only in the finding a solution to make them well again.

The care we are recieving while going thru this is probably better than some of the care weve had when we did have pricey private insurance.....see? His Grace is indeed sufficient.

I am grateful my poor husband is pain free (with the help of some good pain meds) & although hes unable to work until after he heals from this surgery, he is not in pain today. After not having anything in his system for so many years, needless to say they hit him like a tank, I knew cuz he was professing his appreciation & gratitude for me for the past 21 years...and then he got the munchies, & was laughing hysterically....for COMMERCIALS on tv!!!!

Dude.....really? hes such a cheap date....after hearing his speech about his undying love for me, Im thinkin I may slip him a mickey when this is all said & due for a referesher....

Im just sayin, a girls gotta do.....

Back to my gratitude list....

We have a beautiful twinkling Christmas tree to remind us of the real reason for this season.

We will be eating again today, we will be sleeping in a warm house with clean sheets & quilts (cuz its Saturday & its laundry day)

We have each other,

our pets,

our friends and sons who check in on us daily & keep us in prayers & much laughter.

I feel powerless because since my own issues with pain & weakness in my thumb, Im unable to work even part time to help us out. I do however have an appt. with my attorney this Monday after having an Independent Medical Exam last week & he cant even begin to rate my disability until this is fixed..at this point I have a 100% disability & Im hoping my attorney will have information about a new Workmans Comp doctor so I can have the 3d surgery I so desperately need & get my quality of life back including a stable income. Im so discourgared since a couple of months ago my thumb began curling into my palm & it hurts to straighten it back out.....

this cant be good.

So Ive written out all of my Christmas cards, but I cant justify the 20 bucks for 2 or more books of stamps Ill need.

Ive got bigger fish to fry.

like Christmas dinner, scripts Ronnie will need after surgery...gas for the truck, etc....

My perspective has taken quite the turn after seeing my husband in so much pain, & feeling so scared that he wont be able to provide for us while he waits for surgery & afterwards & the time to recover.

I keep going to extra meetings, I stay closely connected to my prayer warrior sisters who never insult me with pity but with words & acts of love & encouragement even when I cant possibly afford to keep up with the bake offs, Christmas parties, shopping, or the usual festivities I used to think were the end all & be all to being worthy to self & others...

I was sadly mistaken.....

Babbling phone calls to Natalie, talking to our son, snuggling up to Ronnie while stitching & watching tv together with Opie competing for our attention... Praying for our group members on Friday mornings that not only do they remain clean & sober during their first Christmas, which can be stressful, sometimes family-less-ness holiday....but embrace the beauty of friendship.

Im so grateful theyve blessed me with theirs....

may we all believe that

"those" are our real blessings,

The real spirit of Christs Grace.

People are our blessings,

not things.

Thanks for being one of mine.

Happy December!

2010-12-06T04:41:00.001-08:00

Not for nothin but Im thinkin I should probably ask Santa to bring me some Dove Self Tanning Cream for my legs so I NEVER take another picture like the one on the header of my Blog! What in tarnation was I thinkin?

Opie was tanner than those gams Ive got crossed!

Sorry but I "just" noticed & Im sure if you never have I just put the spot light onto myself...as if all yall have
been losin sleep cuz of my white legs!
RTS must have... because Im so grateful they didnt use THIS picture for the Oct cover.

So here we are into another December & Christmas fast approaching (yeah I use Merry Christmas in my verbal & written greetings) I aint skeert.....although I probably should be after the article I just submitted for Aprils upcoming issue....I wrote about my experiences on...& here it comes....Methadone. Im really not "tryin" to ruffle anyones feathers, but just hoping to open some dialogue...that may or may not be...yeah...no, it is...very contraversial. Not wanting to change anyones mind but to share my path while on it & while its far from perfect, it certainly was for me. Especially without health insurance, it was my only hope to utilize not just the medication but every available resource they offered to myself & countless others.

"People may not remember what you say but theyll always remember how you made them feel."

When I was taking this medication, I was literally shunned, shamed, & shut out...of the 12 step community, the medical community, etc. I never want anyone to feel as dirty as I did while trying not to die & seek the help I desperately needed.

So dat be dat...I got a life..... & Im preparred to use it!

Ronnie & I went out to buy or Christmas tree Friday night & hell say "we" but "I" decorated it...he watched MMA Ultimate fighting...he did put on the lights....& I may have warned him that if he got in my way we'd be having a little throw down ourselves... he'd be tapping out, not me...He told me not to threaten him with a good time...

I had a blast decorating although tucking all the little ornaments carefully on the tree that my mom made or my sister who celebrates Christmas in heaven, made me a little teary eyed this year. my oldest son turned THIRTY years old last week!!!!!!! & Ive got a couple of his favorite old ornaments we'd save for him to put on....BAAAUUUGHHH! Lordy it feels as if he was 6 five minutes ago.....but I happied "up" when I put our real star on our tree....I cut out a picture of our Nat Nat giggling & put it in a cross stitch mini frame, tied a prim bow on top & put her top center...right where she belongs.

I included a couple of pictures of Natalie & Nampa. Here I was worried the Dora doll we brought her would out shine me.... but NOOOOOOOOOOO it was her & Nampa, her buddy, her reading padner, her horsie to ride, her best friend to feed imaginary "air" food to...over & over...& over again...that kinda diet would put ole Jenny Craig right outta business...AND I wouldnt have it any other way.

They are clearly 2 peas in a pod.

We are still on a high from each & every sweet & funny face she made or kiss she gave us...or diaper "I" changed...dang I still got it!

We have become certifiable "idiot" Grand parents...bragging, repeating stories, showing pictures, & are now not just our friends any longer...but our victims.

Were expecting some snow today, supposedly Waterbury is getting it now & their only 25 minutes away from us...Im sooo excited, Im going to bake some Christmas cookies & wrap some presents.

Enjoy your week, & thank you for stopping by being a part of my babbling, sharing & yes exercizing my rights to be an "idiot" Grandma with white legs!

Happy Thanksgiving.

2010-11-23T09:46:00.001-08:00

Giving himself a time out...

even before we know hes been snackin in the litter box...

when we see Opie "do this"? for 20 minutes or more refusing to look at us..

we know...

the litter box is empty....

he snitches himself out....

This is something new hes been doing...

He punishes himself maybe before we do so hes guarenteed no corporal punishment???

But doesnt he realize????

if he didnt do this, we wouldnt have known he was in the kitty box?

Or maybe hes just plain sick to his stomach from the said crime & the pressure of the arm of the sofa soothes him...I dont knowwwwwwww.

Im all too familiar with the guilt of ridding shame.

Kinda takes the wind right out of my sails when Im not the one verbally eeewwwing & GA-ROSSING him out...

But its hard to verbally kick a dog when hes down.

So Im thrilled & humbled to announce that my story that was published in Barbara Sinors book Tales of Addiction & Inspiration for Recovery was nominated for a very prestigous Pushcart Award.

Although it was my story, because it was in Barbaras book it is Barbara that was nominated...

Im happy for her..

Congrats to the other 5 nominees for this award.

Im preparing a large turkey & all the fixings for Thanksgiving dinner, our son Jordan & his adoreable wife Noelia are spending it with us...were having friends stop by for pie & coffee later in the day...Im busy packing & wrapping little goodies for Nat & the kids since were leaving Friday morning around 6am for Jersey.

I spend alot of time trying to carry the message of recovery, living a new life beyond any dreams I could imagine for myself, I try to feed those who are hungry...(whether its food, hope or recovery)but knowing I cant spend it with my own sister for reasons that are just way too big for me...just breaks my heart.

Sometimes I have trouble when God say "no" to me...I even whine when He says "yes" & I get overwhelmed with blessings & opportunity but to be told to "wait"...wait on the Lord...I really struggle accepting this, I only pray its not too late & someday Peace can mean more than being right....

Grace Happens

I love her with all of my heart... She is always in my daily thoughts & prayers.

So I wish all of you a fabulous Thanksgiving...may we all be soon belching & napping from anatriptaline (sp) ( the chemical that acts like turkey heroin) & with "left over" joy.

Love your family & friends....because at the end of the day...Kindness "is" all that matters.

Kindness Matters

2010-11-15T02:52:00.000-08:00

These 2 cuties are the loves of my life...The one on the left trying desperately to leave the death grip I had on her for this one picture...(in which she won) is Enola...her parents, Matt & Nicole & brother Mike are my secondary family... And the little one dressed like Rocky Balboa "ala-fem" is my Grand daughter Natalie Josephine....they have nothing at all to do with the content of my blog entry but I have delightfully earned the rights to brag....Ronnie & I are driving to Jersey on the Friday after Thanksgiving (yes that would be black Friday) to spend the weekend with them. The kids have a wedding to go to on Saturday so well have Nat all day..."Of COURSE well keep Nattie tightly on her schedule" BAUUUGHHHH!!! and they believed us!!!!! LOL(Suckers) we havent seen her since June & I swear if she calls me Gamma again Im buyin her a car!♥

So look at me showing off all the recent loot I got in the mail from my best friend in Napa Cali...thanks Jody ♥ she hooked me up, she knows I love antiques, anything vintage & always quilts. In this huge box were 3 different pieces of old beautiful quilts...one I kinda got choked up with when I saw women had carefully & lovingly stitched their family names on them...and how they ever ended up in Jodys hands & now mine is beyond me but I am truely grateful & humbled & will take care of them with the love they surely deserve.

She also send me fun knick knacks, books (cuz were both reading addicts) some old vintage grunged baggage tags to use on my dolls, and a Coach bag....did you hear me??? Who sends their friends COACH BAGS????? a beautiful large black one...Im showin it off in the picture somewhere around here...Im the happy redhead with the COACH BAG!

I also had a delightful surprize come in the mail from Create and Decorate my favorite Primitive magazine, I was informed my dear friend had ordered me a subscription cuz God told her to....WHEW... cuz of ALL the things God "could" have told her to do concerning me..like "ask her to clean up her mouth, or never mind her mouth...her CELLAR...yeah... tell her to clean & organize that borderline hoarding mess shes got down there..." but nope...gratefully He wanted her to bless me even more than she already does with the gift of plain old fashioned friendship which I appreciate more than a clean cellar by the way....so thank you R. I adore you too.

So anyone seein Pigs Flyin around????

ohh cuz they should have been since my youngest son Jordan decided to stop by to see is old Momz...I was so shocked.... I threw the digital across the living room into Ronnies hands & screamed " Dude....Start Clickin" Jordan was smirking at my sarcasm & even humored me during our photo shoot.....when I looked at the pics I said "Oh thank goodness I dont look fat" & my very sensitive son came back with..."Mom I was laying across you hiding everything"!!!!

TOUCHEE...

He was....

LOOK

.....a Snowman Convention....

Look down....

I made these little Orna-Pins for the Nurses at the Treatment center I volunteer at every Friday morning. I thought theyd get a kick out of them..they can be worn on their lapels or used as ornaments for their trees.

I make the counselors 2 huge painted coffee cans that look like snowmen (the cans not the counselors) full of my homemade Reindeer Feed....Ill NEVER give up the recipie but its better than crack...well Ive been told....I wouldnt know...ahem...cough...cough...

All I know is the first ones free....

So at the end of the day Kindness is all that matters....

"People may never remember what you say but theyll always remember how you made them feel."

Live, laugh & love...

Thank you for spending a few minutes with me.

Happy November!

2010-11-01T05:06:00.001-07:00

I am so honored & humbled to be featured in "Recovering The Self"
The poor mailman didnt know what to think (as usual whenever I recieve packages) Im such a kid when I know somethings coming like pictures of our Natalie or supplies I ordered...& although I sent RTS the several pictures they requested for my article, & I did know my article on Art Therapy would be featured & some pics were being considered but I had NO IDEA this issue would be celebrating who I am & what I do on the cover!

They achieved what no men could do before...

Render me speechless....

My crazy husband told me he had a tear in his eye knowing someone other than him was able to perform this miracle!....

Everyone wants to be a comedian.....

The entire issue is simply amazing, so many passionate contributors sharing creative, informative topics embracing healing.....a phenomenal interview with our editor Ernest Dempsey & Jay Levy (who I consider an angel without wings) on the epidemic on homelessness in America.

And the stories go on & on.

Im not a pushy sales person... in fact Im quite turned off when people work me for a hard sell, but with so many supportive folks expressing interest on how to purchase a copy or subscription, I thought it only fair to put the link here.

www.recoveringself.com

Thank everyone for the lovely, congrats, funny comments on my FB page, & genuine excitement for me & my new adventure now being a regular part of this new family of RTS.

I want to thank Victor Volkman, & Ernest Dempsey for working so patiently with me when my computer CRASHED 2days before my deadline...& the long distance international phone calls from Ernest only to support my neophtye concerns about......well dang near everything.

Id like to thank you for stopping by & joining me for this celebration & close by saying...this all began with someone believing in me when I didnt believe in myself...

Thank you Barbara Sinor for encouraging me to share my story in your book "Tales of Addiction
and Inspiration for Recovery" www.DrSinor.com

My life took on a momentum of blessings of a wild ride of people, places & things since then, which Im still trying to make sense of, but enjoying every flippin minute of! :)

If you want something youve never had before....do something youve never done before....

and then strap yourself in...

your life will NEVER be the same.....

Birthing thru the pickles in life

2010-10-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

Introducing "Birtha"

I was compelled to design this whimsical lil Lady to pay homage to some really special women in my personal, professional, & online life.

These women (& you KNOW who you are) teach me & inspire me that no matter how cold it may seem in life, or what kind of pickle we may be in....that THIS is the time to push...also reminding me to P-U-S-H "Pray Until Something Happens...that this is the time to embrace change & honor my spirit of "expectancy"

Reminding me of Maya Angelous magnificent quote...

"I can be changed by whats happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it"

Its not that I believe in miracles.....

I rely on them!

This network of women show me that the pickles in life arent important... but how I handle them...are.

Lawdy how I love me my wimmens!♥

Im not sure whether its just the circle of life, or something in the air, but quite a few of my friends seem to be going thru some really challenging, painful & ambiguous times in their lives.

I cant fix em...

I cant control em...

all I can do is "Push" with them.

Im grateful having just come out of a really dark place myself recently, I have the energy to encourage & support them.

Im so incredibly grateful that the only reason I walked into the light was because of some of these very women Im celebrating by creating "Birtha"

Some of these friends are being faced with health issues, their childrens health issues, going back to school, work, trying to deal with family members who are dangerously stuck in self sabatoge & battling addictions, depression, high risk behaviors, broken hearts & the list goes on & on.

Ive been thru so many of these issues on my own journey & although it wasnt until after Id walked thru it, I realized because of the experience, Im able to express compassion & support void of any judgement.

So I created "Birtha" from muslin fabric, I sculpted her eye area & stitched 2 little black seed beads for her eyes...her ultra long paper clay sculpted nose (that Im quite sure Freud would have something to say about that!) (chuckle)

Then I went on to tack raw sheeps wool for hair I picked up from a sheep shearing contest at the Hebron Fair this year, I gently stained her cheese cloth head/shoulder shawl with a light recipie of prim smelling goodies & then stitched & stuffed a large belly ( I was merciful & made her free of any stretch marks) underneath her soft, cotton, rose bud, fabric dress. (I wished her pregnant belly showed up in the pictures better) I scuplted her stash of pickles with the same paper clay I used for her carrot nose.

I painted a little textured snow on her to help us appreciate how sometimes we may feel really cold on our journey but as long as we stand tall, feed ourselves that which sustains us, we can continue our birthing process.

And then lastly my favorite embellishment I added was the soft glitter that I was hoping to express that as women we indeed sparkle & shine...always in all ways.

I hope you all can appreciate my efforts in creating some of the joy in the lessons & experiences each of you have blessed me with in one amazing way or another.

Reinventing this Kat

2010-10-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

I am being brought thru another road of lessons & being tested again. And I cant even complain because I asked for it all. Why doesnt anyone EVER just stop me & my big ideas????

I really need to re-evaluate the way I pray.

Most of my prayers get answered.

God, Im sure is just a gigglin away. watchin me fuss thru these recent growing pains.

I know He was probably laughing with me...cuz He shouldnt be laughing at me...

would He?

I mean He is God...He can DO anything He wants...

Im just sayin.

Coming thru such a dark place recently w/ my health, I am gratefully on the way to getting my life back...but its not anywhere close to my old one, its a brand new one.
My energy is slowly returning, I was even blessed with a delicious, deep comatose drooling sleep the other night after pulling an all nighter the night before that.

But what I was made painfully aware of...is that if this is as good as it gets...Im soooo screwed!

The down time spent on my sofa for almost 3 months made me realize I have really betrayed my body. I havent been able to utilize all of my God given gifts because Ive been sooo tired...ok...maybe more...out of shape...oooops THERE IT IS!

HELLO we have finally broken thru the denial.

So I bundled myself up one day, did some rediculous & probably hysterical stretches in my back yard...I know them 8 lil squirrels we feed twice daily,were rolling on their chubby lil backs guffawing away...(lil ingrates) sharp little nut crackin, buck teeth chucklin away....
I plugged my new to me IPod in & Macy Gray, Pink, & I attempted our first day of power walking....

ok very funny...

Ill wait for yall to stop snickerin....

I got all day....

nuttin but time....

and the best thing happened.....

I freeking LOVED it! Who knew?

Yeah I know...that would be God again. Sometimes He is just such a show off!

Cuz we all know after hoofin & I mean HOOFIN,,,for 5 days worth of 4.3 miles (cuz I made the mistake of driving to count the miles myself) I was hollerin out for mercy with a very sore ass, throbbing ankles & the back of my thighs are deemed pretty much worthless this weekend.

Its not pretty...

but Im going back. It was suggested I walk 5 out of 7 days...so sweet relief for my battered & broken body till Monday.

Ive also begun eating healthier...drinking more water... Lots of bottled water...

I really loathe water.

And

Portion control. I eat my meals on a dessert dish not the normal platter sized dinner dishes we usually eat from.

Yeah, Im sailing this ship alone...

Speaking of show offs, my husband can eat what, when & where he wants & keeps his big bad hot manly body & doesnt skip a beat...

Im also trying to find my comfort zone with my new VERY expensive progressive lenses...although I have the weekend off from walking, Im still highstepping & performing triple sow cows to avoid steps & those damn sneaky curbs...but my bifocal lines are gone...and thats a GOOD thing.

I was working thru some personal challenges I faced after yesterdays Friday Group & came home to make Ronnie a homemade apple crisp, then I finally climbed the Summit that was taunting me by sewing closed this huge painted fall pillow. It sat on my floor open, stuffing bulging & because of my still un-cooperative post surgical useless thumb.

I was fixin to staple this sucker shut...with a power staple gun..I KNOW we have one around here somewhere...but the stress I was working thru...was more than enough...I am pleased with this Big Betty of a pillow I made using Barb Jones wonderful & whimsical design.

I hope you all have a magnificent Autumn weekend, understanding that although I do alot of complaining, there are always lessons, experiences & room to be the change we want to see. Im greedy...I want and deserve ALL the fruit of my labors....its just always such a trip doin the work.

Harvest Thyme Bringing Forth Gratitude

2010-10-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

Ohhh my lil Cab-i-Nat! I just wanna eat her lil face & munch on her toes. Six Flags got nothin on the rides in her kitchen. Like her Gamma a cheap date!

And can you stand the evil look on this spoiled, pouting dog?

He wasnt sent here...
no "time out" from us....
Nope, he wasnt scolded...
wasnt even in trouble for chasin squirrels...

This??????

was Opie making a statement letting us know he doesnt appreciate or accept any kind of attention O'Malley may get...
Attention?
Really Opie?
All I did was snap a picture of our 10 year old cat who doesnt ask for much other than 2 squares a day....
GET OVER IT! Ask me if I lost any sleep over this pout fest? ok well since Im experiencing horrible bouts of insomnia lately, this is a moot point....Im just sayin.

O'Malley & I are both on diets & have agreed that we need to be on more than just one diet, cuz the one were on doesnt have enough food!

Sadly in July, after calling our local Police to do a safety check on our 54 year old neighbor who we knew was sick & very stubborn & disregarded our offer to take him to the ER on one night in particular...we had a bad feeling when he wouldnt open his door after 2 days of checkin on him....we were devestated to learn he had passed away that very morning.

We were a couple of hours too damn late.

His wonderful 80 year old Mom insisted we take a couple of his antiques....so Ronnie came home with this amazing sterling silver coffee caraft...It has a glass voltive on the bottom to insert a tea light to keep the poured coffee warm...it was FiLtHy!!! tarnished, so I worked diligently on it with silver cleaner & walla...now a part of our friend Martin graces our credenza in a very special place.

As if that lovely keepsake wasnt enough his Mom brought over 3 old issues of National Geo. One was a month older than me...I loved some of the adds in there.

I had a ball painting these 2 big boys with iccky spiders I was inspired to paint on their noses after watching a "Billy The Exterminator" marathon....( isnt billy just so stinkin cute?)

I wanted to donate these 2 pumpkins to my girlfriends lunchroom that she supervises & raffles off to her kids....People always feel the need to gently scold me for donating whatever happens to be on my heart,(rather than sell what I choose to make & donate) but you know what? Im not even supposed to be here...how can I not share what puts such a song in my heart...

Not to mention people....

Im tryin desperately to get into Heaven.....

Oh man have I got some splainin to do on THAT day.....

AND I always get good instant karma...Lynn (the rockin lunch lady) Facebooked me & told me they were a HUGE hit & a bunch of the teachers wanted prices so they could purchase some....

Sooo Im good.

Ive been having a blast decorating for fall. Im so grateful that A) I care enough to want to celebrate fall & B) go up & down all those stairs "to" dig out my goodies.

I painted this sewn from scratch muslin witches hat, & after 3 days of cussin like a drunken sailor I managed to finish this design by Pat Oneill & another fun pillow in the process of being sewn from Barb Jones suggesting we always "Give Thanks"

Im a little overwhelmed & very weepy today after our early moring group. Im still blown away that God deemed me trustworthy to step up for this privilidge...then I was humbly surprized when someone made a heartfelt & gracious amends to me for something they felt I deserved....Holy Crap batman, Ive been so busy for the last 7 years making all of my amends I sure didnt see this one coming. This life is....is....ummmmm.... I surrender...I am speechless!

Yet another Friday morning driving home from group with the ugly cry, mascara rollin...hiccupping away with sobs cuz yall just dont know......

Still waiting for the October issue Im featured in of Recovering The Self which was pushed back for another couple of weeks....if this keeps up, Opie may have some company in his Pout Fest...

Thank you for stopping by...sharing how I am LIVIN THE DREAM! :)

Getting Better

2010-09-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Loreal Make up really ROCKS!
& heres why...

Happy Sunday! What a gorgeous day it is here in Conn. Were promised a beautiful sunny but chilly day. it is ripe with Autumn in the air.

I finally painted & embellished my first painted pumpkin of the year. It took me awhile since everything is still such an effort...With these stairs, Id probably lose your respect if you knew what Id do JUST to have a Foleys Catheter strapped to my leg...TMI? Im just sayin...

Im actually going to bravely post this picture of me from this past Tuesday afternoon when my dear funny friend Diana (a wonderful Primitive dollmaker) stopped by after work for some coffee & gossip.

Poor girl had that look on her face when she saw me like....

she just shot her parents accidently...

then gracefully & quickley recovered fast enough to cover the shock she had on her face from seeing me. Her visit was very healing...friendship & laughter always is.

True Dat!

This journey has aged me beyond.

Gratefully a large & careful amount of Loreal, my flat iron, hair care products help me cover up & fool my Friday Group into believing that I am able to show up...and I do. its what provides me with great joy & hope, I probabaly wouldnt go to help myself...but to help carry a message of hope to someone needing it...Then a girls gotta do...what a girls gotta do.

So back to my pumpkin story...I sat this guy in a basket with some straw, funky gourds & loaded it with Werthers & Jolly Ranchers hard candies & brought it with me to donate to my Friday morning group. I still feel warmed & amazed that these people can express such child like excitement & appreciation for such a small act on my part. They all have such "Life Issues" theyre battling & yet each of them made sure to hug & thank me...You just never know who you touch when youre busy being "you" Im still washed with deep humility to be on this path.

So Im sitting in my jeans & favorite old red tattered fall "Champion" sweatshirt...ooooh yeah the honeymoon is way over...that train left the station years ago...(giggle)
& since I steam cleaned the house yesterday, Im going to put a pork roast,& some roasted taters, in the oven & will serve it up with homemade applesauce...garden cukes & tomatoes..(not necessarily from my garden cuz I didnt plant one this year... but SOMEBODIES)
I bought the latest issue of Create n Decorate & found some delightful patterns to paint. I have a couple of different palletes to paint them on so it should be fun. Im still trying to finish my painted/quilted primitive flags Im almost done with. Gosh Im such a LOSER when it comes to completing projects that scare me....Im livin up to my Scaredy Kat moniker.

Im busy reading, writing, & walking to some fabulous old school funky music on my I-Pod. I still resemble a geriatric patient without a cane...hmm... how tempting would painting a crazy & wild wooden cane be??? to use on these death defying walks in my hood? My husband would probably beat the ugly off me if I allowed myself to stop fighting & give up....this journey sure aint for cissies...
So Im on my way to healing.
Thoughts of visits with my Nat Nat & the energy needed for her 16 month old "catch me if you can" energized bunny self.... (PPPFFF show off) keep me grounded & going...

no painted canes for this Kat.
Which probably means...
no Foley catheters either....
Until the next time, may all of our weeds be wild flowers...

Rough Riders!

2010-09-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone...

Im sorry Ive been amiss but Ive been busy... Rough Ridin...

Im not going to bore anyone with any graphic or gorey details, ( I am facing some of the physical wreckage of my past) suffice to say Ive been bed ridden & sofa surfing after a serious round of medication that proved toxic & non responsive to my system & until we were/are able to rid it...Ive been riding out some exhausting terrain battling extreme pain, weakness & exhaustion.

Anyone who knows me knows I am generally boinging off the walls with energy...

"boinging"

hmmmmmm...

is that even a woid?

did you know what I meant?

then on to my story....

So facing this experience has stolen my quality & every aspect of my life...

but heres the good news...

I BELIEVE!!!!

I am on my way to healing, the devil IS a liar & no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

There...how bout we have some Church up in here?

Its been about 7 weeks of this experience & thru it all just when I thought I couldnt possibly love my husband any more...oooops there it is.♥

What in the world have I ever done to deserve this man? He has loved me, waited on me while working inside & outside of our home, hes cooked, done dishes, sorted, done & folded laundry, entertained folks, yakked on the phone to my girlfriends..HELLO!!!! all the while supporting, encouraging, laughing, loving, praying & putting my level of comfort on his priority list.

Hes such a keeper.

I know Im getting better because I feel it, I believe it & God showed me...heres how... Ive been a renewed sense of trust & purpous by being asked to facilitate a group of heroin/opiate addicts seeking recovery in the same facility that saved my life so many years ago...

Is God kidding????

When????

This Friday????

Full circle...

Gods timing.

Not mine....

Last Friday I SOMEHOW managed to throw on the face paint, iron my hair & strap on my turquoise & silver (& fake it till I make it) to meet for the first time for an hour & a half.

I went in convicted & hard...

but came home balling my eyes out...

no one saw me....

I hope...

(another segment of rough ridin tryin to steer the truck thru the ugly cry) in humility & gratitude that the Director, counselor & patients trusted me...me? to support them, to give what was given to me so freely....

This gift, gave me a sense of purpous & passion again as I walk thru some darkness of my own right now. I came home & napped HARD for 4 hours...

We went out Saturday to buy pumpkins so I could paint & donate them to the Center. This time & opportunity has provided me a reason to get up & get out of myself....

I dont remember being thru anything like this..not even in my darkest times...

back then...

so Im so very grateful for everyday I wake up for another chance to please God,(even when & especially when Im convinced I cant do it...I do, so thats God not me) try to make up to my husband a portion of his gifts he gives to me & with a renewed spirit about whats "really" important & how its not always.... always about me.

Another blessing is that I found out the magazine I write for ~Recovering The Self~ is on the press & the article I wrote & am featured in will be out in early October....

Ive posted a very whimsical & silly "Grady" on my side bar who is one of my several punkin head dolls Ive been slowly making...

everything these days is slow...

REALLY

S-L-O-W!

Grady was completed yesterday while I was feeling the lost gift of increased energy & wanted to honor him being so "Grade-ful"

Thank those on my Face Book page, my recovery forums & in my personal life who know the darkness Im climbing out of....I couldnt & cant do any of this without prayer, without support & unconditional love void the shame I already battle for the consequences of my horrible choices many years ago...

Time to pay the Piper.

Hes a bitch!

Thank you for stopping by & next time I promise there will be more creative projects and a more uplifting post....

Abundant September

2010-09-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

Thought Id enjoy a delicious cup of hot coffee with you on this perfect fall like September day.

Ive been working on some really cute but stubborn punkin head dolls.

This heres Earleen, (thanks to Peanut from Countryfolk Keepsake) I was birthing her when we were anxiously awaiting the hurricane Earl who missed us but took away our heat wave... & Peanut suggested I honor her after Earl...& after seeing how our hair styles are similar.. (mine & Earleens not Peanuts)I mean some folks hardly know if Im comin into or outta a hurricane on most days....

Ive got 8 more neked bodies awaiting my attention, theyre gittin kinda ornery just layin on my table...just waiting & awaiting like Ive signed em up for some nudist colony wanting them to hang their little freak flags.

And speaking of flags....(Giggle)

Ive also been having some fun painting some prim flags... not to worry, I am fully clothed....then I stitch em up w/ batting inside & embellish em with some stripes & stars & rather than use a dowel to attatch them, I use a long branchy kind of twig outside. They are really cute & sell really well. Ive painted some pumpkins on them, some salt box houses & a couple of crows-n-sheep.

Im so grateful to share that since my last blog post, my husband has been called back to one of his jobs that he subcontracts out to AND has been working every weekend restoring a sweet 67 Mustang for someone needing a welder & body guy!

That would be him....:)

Ive also been so busy, I completely forgot on Sept.3d I celebrated my 7 year clean & sober anniversary...wow...what a ride.

Much to be thankful for.

I sure wasnt even living close to the beautiful, bountiful, spoiled life Im blessed with today.

So thank you... to all my family & dear friends who cared enough to support, encourage & love me when I havent always been the most loveable.

And of course, I am emotionally & forever grateful to God who plucked me up from the bowels of the earth cuddling me, healing me, & promising me that this was only the beginning.

So yes, I celebrate this very abundant September.

Thank you for stopping by & sharing a cuppa with me..Im just tickled with joy that you stopped by....

Reflections

2010-08-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Sitting here in front of our toasty fire pit the other night, sipping coffee,(slappin away some B-52 sized skeeters) I was reflecting on so many changes that have occured in my life during the past year. Last year at this time, I was healing from the first of 2 surgeries on my thumb from a nasty fall at the school I was working at. I returned for 2 days last September but have since resigned needing a second surgery from being forced to go back too early(because of politics) & getting an infection that attacked the wound & surrounding tissue.

I worked really hard testing & preparing for that supervisors position & it was sad for me to leave.

I had to...

for me.

Ive also made some personal changes as I shared in recent posts about not people pleasing or competing in blogland & Ive learned some good lessons there....

Then this crazy turn of events of & after writing for Barbara Sinors book,(Tales of Addiction & stories of inspiration) then being featured in "Recovering The Self" this coming October, & then as if that wasnt enough... the follow up invite/offer to write as a regular contributor there, well its just taken on a momentum of its own.

During all of these changes, Ive put my creating dolls & painting on the back burner & I realized some of my meloncholy that I couldnt identify with all this other good stuff happening...came from a place of discontent. I LOVE creating dolls. Its what makes my heart beat a little faster, its what gives me a sense of identity & purpous especially in a time of changing seasons, calendar wise & metaphorically speaking.

So Im trying to incorporate both passions into my life without having to put one or the other down. Writing as much as I do, & the editing, & more editing...well its not as easy as some may think. Especially being the perfectionist that I am.

Ok,

maybe not perfectionist,

Im no Jodi Picoult,

surely no Anita Shreve....

but I am a really intense...I mean.... passionate woman.

The whole time I was worried about who I was & where I fit in..in this big olde scary world, God gently...

ok... sometimes...ok... MOST of the time... PUSHES me into doing some really uncomfortable stuff...

I ask Him to bless me indeed...increase my territory...& He does...then I act all confused & overwhelmed...

Poor God.

So as I sat outside fighting them mosquitos & moths, I realized I dont have a thing in the world to worry about.

Gods GOT this. from start to finish. Do I worry that my husbands been out of work? Do I worry cuz Im unable to work outside of the home right now? Or that Im facing some health issues in addition to possibly a 3d surgery on my deformed & painful thumb??? nahhhh, not anymore...

Ill type with my nose & paint with my toes if need be.

Im convinced this has all been already worked out for my highest good.

I can hear God chuckling sayin..."Dont trip tater chip"

I just wish Hed do something about them skeeters!

Gratitude!

2010-08-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

MMMMMM, My home smells so nice this morning, the combination of coffee, wood burning from Ronnies new project, & the crisp breeze coming through the kitchen window reassuring us Fall is indeed around the corner.

Not sure when, or where my husband will be working next, both jobs he subcontracts for have been put on hold... both shops either waiting for materials or not being able to afford them has put our lives on hold.

We have always been well taken care of in the past when this unpredictable "SNAFU" visits us, we know this isnt any different, we dont panic, we utilize our creative options staying focused on what "we" can do, & leave the rest to God.

Or...........

we can insist Opie earns his keep & sit him on the side of a highway with a sign stating "Will do tricks for Begginstrips"

Ive been busy making apple cobbler, & painting a cute little denim jacket for Natalie Jo.

Painting on denim sure aint for cissies, but Im pleased with the results, Ive designed a whimsical goofy sunshine to complete the back side.

Ronnie was so sweet insisting that we go to Best Buy 3 days before my birthday & buy a WIFI Router thingy for my new laptop, so Im not so limited in one area of our house.

Ive been wanting to create a studio of sorts upstairs in the empty & rather large finished, attic with 2 rooms. I can bring the laptop up there & work upstairs either painting, sewing or writing.

in the really "red" rooms...

Had no idea when the newlyweds were living here & encouraged to paint their new digs any color they wanted....that it would be "Bordello Red"

but it is....

really red.

Ronnie also surprized me with the new issue of Create & Decorate...(ran to AC Moore w/o me) (how stinkin cute is that????)& its a good one.

I cannot WAIT to begin making some adoreable Bats from Denise Whites "The Cats Pyjamas", & a couple of perfect prim & whimsical pumkin dolls by a variety of artists.

So Ive got a busy day ahead of me...its a wonderful cool & dry day to make some delicious Cheeseburg Casserole with a healthy salad from fresh veggies from our local Farmers Market, finish up Nats jacket & do some writing for RTS for their next issue. I still cannot wrap my thoughts around this amazing oppertunity that takes my breath away.

Just a quick note before closing, I did research on a recent post concerning the designers' name I wasnt sure of who designed the crow & pumpkin I painted & made into a fall pillow & I was right, it was indeed "Susan Burd". (She just rocks)

Thank you for stopping by, it JUST tickles me knowing you care enough to swing by.

I hope everyone has a fun filled week celebrating all weve been blessed with!♥

New Chapter...

2010-08-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

"Recovering The Self" has invited me to write for them and to be a part of their magnificent family/team. Of course I thought about this amazing learning experience for me, I also of course asked my husband what he thought????...

I should have known that man couldnt be objective with anything concerning me, he is my number one supporter in anything & all I do...yup...even the crazy changes, colors, & doos I make in my hair at any given moment...he just loves me...& Im not sure who was more excited about this...me or him?

But then I thought perhaps this decision that was riding a bit high on my scale to just jump & grow some wings on the way down...to avoid this decision that might be based on ego or excitement, I went to my best friend in the whole world...God.

This is what I heard...& I dont even talk like this so although it was my voice, it was His words.

"Child, you come to me daily in our talks, walks, or in your journal & ask me to honor the prayer of Jabez...and ask me to increase your territory, to bless you, to guide you... to keep you clean, sober & ever changing, to put people in your path, Yet here you are, still you lack clarity on this amazing oppertunity youve been invited to be a part of?"

Do you not trust me?

Kat interrupts & tells God its "her" she doesnt trust.....
Im sure He rolled His eyes...

"You have been blessed with your gift of words, your brand new life, family, friends, material luxuries, & I only did what you werent able to do for yourself, "you" child did the rest."

He was on a roll & then continued with this....

"Im touched that theres little you wont do without seeking guidance from me, but Kat, you are more than capable of walking thru any nervousness & give back what was so freely given to you...I know this road of recovery, radical changes in both forgiving others & forgiving yourself in addition to carrying the message hasnt always been easy, but as I always tell you...To whom much is given, much is expected.

I have given you much, it is time to give it away....I want you to accept this blessing with the gratitude, with the love & experiences we have been thru together & I want you to accept this gift & then do some re-gifting... touch lives...You have made a difference in mine.....love, God"

So I emailed my editor back & humbly accepted this generous offer to write, I thanked him for believing in me, trusting me with this monumental responsibility & honor, & especially for wanting to help me follow my dreams while writing for this amazing magazine that celebrates & embraces healing, the mind, body & spirit.
So once again, Im following my bliss. Im dwelling in possibility, & Recovering the Self.

So the hubs & I are sitting on our front porch this evening & Opies havin a ball, jaws snappin at flies...trying to befriend a bumble bee & just sittin there as cute as cute can be...panting, smiling, trying to lick me,& Grampa.
He just sittin there staring into my soul with his big dark beautiful liquid brown eyes, & Im thinkin how beautiful would this picture be?
So I grab the camera & attempt snapping the picture of the year...

EZPZ this guys a ham....

"Here Opie, Grammies takin your picture...

You who......
look at Grammie....
O-O-O-P-I-E...
Come on Opers, Ill give you a cookie"...
all of a sudden, hes camera shy????

..when in tarnation did THAT happen?

He squinted his eyes,
stopped smiling started scowling & wouldnt look at me..
not for love or money
( actually not really money but snausages).

So this is what I got...
the pout.

These Hollywood stars forget where they came from.
Hes no Eddie on Frazier thats for sure!

Ok, so I may or may not trying to push fall.
I love me some fall.
I painted this crow & pumpkin, & made it into a cute little pillow to tuck somewhere special. I found this pattern in an old issue of one of my favorite magazines... Create & Decorate,I mean besides Recovering The Self....
BUT...
Im so embarrassed, I cant for the life of me remember who the awesome designer was, Im wanting to say Susan Byrd, but in all fairness, to keep me a Scaredy Kat & not a copy Kat, (cuz Homie dont play that)I promise to research her name for sure & edit this & include her name tomorrow.

I also finally finished one of Terrye Frenches designs on this piece of wood I found in someones outside trash...HELLO! my trash to treasure...now my husband once again wouldnt hear of me fussin & complaining that Id made so many mistakes, Im just hopin when it was all said & dont Terrye French may not WANT me to credit her with the final outcome...LOL
Im just sayin....
Well...Suck it up Ter, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do...but my husband was so cute, he said, "Babe, theres never mistakes when creating...its just "custom" LOL

Oh my dear Lord & all thats holy...

what did I ever do to deserve this man?

Thank you so much for stopping by & to all who left such heart warming comments to me about my new blog, my experiences, challenges, & hopes.
I dont know what Id ever do without any of you. ♥♥♥

Refurbished BLOG!

2010-08-09T04:50:00.000-07:00

So since Im embracing change...I figured...lets change it all... Do ya just love the new look of "Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow"????
Im having a blast refurbishing the old & bringing in the new....
WELCOME!♥♥!♥

Well looky whos back after such a long time!

It has been too long since Ive been here...but sadly, my desk top finally bought the farm! Oh did she crash hard & so did I! (I am not kidding)

I FrEaKeD out! I had all of my pictures on a disc or memory cards, but I had JUST completed a lengthy article I had worked hard on writing for a phenomenally creative magazine celebrating recovery called "Recovering The Self" & was facing a deadline...even after an extention of sorts...

Well gratefully on the one day...the very last, before she keeled over & died, I was able to email the article to myself, make the necessary changes & sent it off safely to my editor. No sooner did I hit send & that was the last time I was able to do anything on it.

God is so good.

Yes much has happened....

Kat has an editor.

After having my very personal story published with 19 others sharing their experiences in Barbara Sinors book called "Tales of Addiction & inspiration for recovery" I was contacted by the gentleman who edited Barbaras book & invited me to write an article for their magazine celebrating healing & recovery.

He asked me to write about how dollmaking was cohesive to my sobriety.

I am still reeling about this miracle, this oppertunity, this blessing!

This sure is BeYoNd anything I could have ever imagined for myself.

I am humbled, nervous & very excited to be featured in the next issue. I was asked to send photos since they are thinking about using my pictures of my dolls for the cover Im being featured in!

So last Monday I took all I was able to save for the past 2 months & bought this amazing brand new Laptop...

Another miracle.

I even get a Geek Squad Agent for the next 6 months!

His name is Zack.

He is my new BFF!

I even set up the guest room for him but he claims Best Buy has this crazy rule about their geeks goin off to live with neurotic, middle aged, customers!

HMMMPH!

So heres the thing....

Being left to my own lonely devises w/o the luxury of having access to my computer, I have learned MUCH about myself. I believe God used this sabatical to get my attention.

I have done alot of listening...Hes been whispering & Ive been hearing.

I have learned the importance of self discipline, time management, who my real friends are...who arent... the importance of being true to myself.

I have learned & Im not proud, in fact Im deeply ashamed:(but I have been working hard to people please, trying to be a part of a blogging popularity contest (which was all on me) & I stopped honoring & embracing whats really important to me.

I love creating dolls, some primitive, some art dolls, some very whimsical. I also love writing, I love cooking, & decorating but I cant pretend Im someone Im not...I dont have a luxurious,elegantly primitive or shabby chic home to share...Ive allowed myself to feel less than because I cant compete... so Ive stayed away, I stopped blogging & hid safely, comfortably on facebook.

Shame on me.

I had stopped sharing the best part of me in fear of being rejected because of a couple of people who werent "comfortable" that Id shared my gratitude for sobriety or about being asked to write for a recovery magazine in a forum... I was asked to stop sharing about my sobriety. People complained to the forum owner. I felt bad that the moderator had make that uncomfortable call to bring it to me at all, gratefully she did so with apologies & grace...it was my choice not to return.

I never shared about my life "before" sobriety, only how grateful I was living the life Ive been blessed with now. Im not an idiot...really Im not....I examined what I had shared with them & I am ok with me & just sorry it happened at all.

I couldnt even wrap my thoughts around that one. & I left feeling really hurt, almost ashamed...

until.....

I realized I am not going to "conform" or be less than who I am.

I wont go to your blogging house or forum sharing anything other than related topics, dolls or whatevers on the menu... Because its yours.....

But here???

at "my" house?

Its ON!

I will use the voice, creativity, passion for life & give all I have.

Thats the beauty of choices. We all have them.

I will share & CELEBRATE pictures of my humble abode, my beautiful family, friends, my goofy pets, my creations, my ups, my downs, and yes sometimes that may include experiences with the scary word "s-o-b-r-i-e-t-y!

But not because of me...but because in case someone is struggling, or has questions or concerns about themselves, a family member or friend. Ive been privilidged a couple of times when someones had the courage to contact me & ask me about such things....

Too whom much is given, much is expected.

Ill use my last dying breath to lighten someones load....

I apologize if this sounded a little negative, but I wanted to explain why my blog will celebrate Real Life....

Thank you so much for allowing me to express whats been on my heart for a long time now.

That said, Id love to share some pictures of my family, the love of my life, Miss Natalie Jo whos growing faster than I care to acknowledge...the last time we were there celebrating her first birthday? she called me "Gam-ma"

Thank God it was in front of others or no one would have believed me....cuz Im constantly making a fool of myself loving this child.♥♥♥

Thank you so much for stopping by & I hope to see you again...

Happy May....

2010-05-09T07:40:00.001-07:00

Ive been so busy lately...
Ronnie & I went on an emergency trip to Jersey to help the kids out a little bit, since my DIL Lana was in the hospital for a serious infection.

We went up on Sunday morning & came home Tuesday evening.

So in between caring for her, & the house, we were happy our son was able to go up & visit Lana, run a thousand errands, we snuck in a few shots...God how can you fit sooo much love into one heart for a little girl? Natalie is simply our pride & joy.

Gratefully Lana is home & healing well celebrating her first Mothers Day today.

So before leaving for Jersey, I was struggling with needing a little inspiration...so off to Joannes I went...

I blatantly broke every rule & commitment I made to remain focused on our new budget...and I did....

UNTIL......

I walked into....

JOANNES FABRICS.

I am a weak, weak woman.

I did legally need some new supplies, especially paint after using so much on the Virgin Mother restoration project...& I wanted... not necessarily needed... new fabric for a couple of new dolls, a bird, & 2 new angels Im making, but I broke every rule known to man when it came to the fabric dept.....thankfully I had coupons.
I also needed a new quilters cutting wheel...I had a coupon for 50% off so I only ended up having to fork over $10.00 for that..WHEW!

I was sweating profusely when in line while cashing out because my husband was giving me kudos for being his little "Betty Bargainer", & I was silently praying to all that was Holy to make him stop...The guilt was over whelming....Im thinking what a great husband he is....

OR "IS" HE??????

Wildman had done a little rule breaking of his own...

While I was going from aisle to aisle in shopping like a drunken sailor...HE was in the GAME STORE!!!!!

doing a little relapsing of his own...buying 2 new WII games.

So we pathetically hung our heads walking back to the truck, & after justifying, rationalizing, & came to terms that our temporarily insanity plea, we agreed we both broke under the pressure of our past 3 month diligent budget plan...so we recommitted, & pinky promised wed be back on track....NOW.

What would I do without him?

I painted this project from a pattern I played with from Rene Mullins, I just LOVE her work. I sewed 2 fabric tags on the top, made room for a large twig/branch & hung it in my kitchen...I used duck cloth that I treated with gesso then stained painted & sealed...I am pretty happy with it. I LOVE anything celebrating our US soldiers.

Last we never forget.

Today Im going to be working on a paper clay bird I actually sculpted for the first time...& shes adoreable but goofy as ever...I sweetened her up with some of the new fabric I bought while on my little stint on "Girls Gone Wild" in Joannes.

Im also working on 2 angels of healing Im making for 2 courageous women who are battling breast cancer. In their 60s...These women deserve a surprize to lift their spirits...Youd never know what they were enduring if it werent for their wigs you realized wasnt their own hair styles.

Ill post these angels of healing honoring Breast Cancer when Im done with them.
So off I go to enjoy my Mothers Day....Hope you do the same.
Thank you for stopping by...I JUST love it when you come to visit.

A real Honor.

2010-04-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

Well I am BEYOND excited to share that I found out last Saturday evening that "My story of addiction & journey into recovery" is being published in a book.
Almost 4 years ago, I carefully composed my story after being invited to by Dr. Barbara Sinor. She was writing another book. She is a Psycologist & re-knowned author who has written & published other books.
This book "Tales of Addiction" & inspirational stories of recovery will be released in bookstores on May 1st.
There's a part of me that's so excited, because I LOVE writing & it took me 2 months to carefully complete & edit...add...remove...add again...pray...sweat....remove...lather, rinse, repeat... well you get the picture...LOL but as the time nears..the reality of people, family, friends,& aquaintences , faceless people, who are going to be reading this...well lets just say Ive been munching on anti nausea chewables for the past week!!!! What was I thinking????

When I shared my experiences, I was still on the contraversial medication that I owe to saving my life...which was Methadone. I was safely & successfully tapering off of it.
I was in the process of successfully working towards closure with my loving & fabulous therapist, "Karen" after spending 3 years of early Wednesday mornings with her as we unpeeled the ugly, stanky layers of what we referred to as my emotional onion... Years of abuse, self inflicted alcohol & substance abuse as I was trying desperately to numb the pain of so much needed healing.

This spiritual escavation of self was way bigger than anything I could have managed myself...I know my my addiction was only a symptom of my dis-ease.
I diligently prayed for help...I was blessed with Karen "who" by the way, saw me on her own time without charging me a dime...She believed in me & saw something in me that no one else including myself saw. She was the director of the Methadone Clinic that I was on at that time, & continued seeing me even after I left.
She invited me to her office at 6:45 am ever week & told me shes never taken a risk like this with any another patient at the clinic in the years as director, nor had she after me...so I KNEW "this" was a gift.
This is the very gift that inspired me not to even come close to blowing it...not for me or for anyone who may get to experience this after me....It reiterates to me today, that sometimes all it takes...to radically change...is to have that ONE person believe in you....It is why my life is so open...I dont know who God may assign to me some day.

Im not sure Ill ever be able to thank Karen for all she did for & with me...I can only continue being the very best I can be in honor of both of us. Im humbled that Karen often shared, she came away a different woman as well. She told me she surely was getting the better out of this deal...imagine?
Im not sure how, its not important for me to know..but God did...He used both of us to ignite healing in each other.
See..... God had planned this long before we ever had a clue...I thank Him every day for Karen, for the people, the phenomenal women He carefully & mercifully selected & placed in my life....so when this oppertunity to tell my story came to pass...I latched on to it as a way to try & process & deal with the challenges facing me as I was leaving people, place & things that were important tools in my recovery. Together, I believe they all played a major part of saving my life. Helping me rebuild a new one that I cant even fathom is mine..its simple, beautiful, challenging still, but I wouldnt trade places with anyone...not for the love of man or money.

And on May 1st my experience will be a part of several other "Tales of Addiction" & inspirational stories of recovery.

Id like to thank Dr. Barbara Sinor who trusted that I was very appreciative, humbled, & grateful to be able to tell my story. I look forward in reading the other experiences, strengths, & hopes, that so many have stepped up courageously to use their voices as well to carry the message that Hope is indeed alive.
To NEVER quit 5 minutes before your miracle is about to happen. Im so incredibly grateful to God for always loving me...in deeming me worthy of a do-over...yet another second chance.
Just click on the picture of the book & it will take you to Dr. Sinors exciting website....

Thanks so much for allowing me to share a part of my personal life today as opposed to pictures of something I created with sewing or painting.

Upcoming Release in 2010!

Reaping & Sowing

2010-04-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

OHHHH HAPPY DAYS!
This first photo is my adoreable husband bringing the completed& restored statue of The Virgin Mother Mary out to Nicoles car.
Shes going home after being on my dining room table for 2 weeks.

The Virgin Mother, not Nicole.

She sat there in her rough vintage state...actually quite beautiful in that old raw state.
This statue was left to my friends Matt & Nicoles new first home by the previous owners.

Nicole liked her but didnt want her in the front of the house in such disrepair, so I offered to try & restore her...

What was I thinking?
BUT....

I had such a phenomenal & spiritual experience working with her.
I say "with" because as silly as it sounds, I felt Her very real, loving Presence,& very much alive, as we chatted about so many people, places & things that were heavy on my heart.
So many prayer requests, expressions of gratitude...so many questions...
So many answers.
Hers, not mine.

I know I shared that I had restored Mary, but in fact, it was me who was completely restored.

So when Nicole & little Enola came over for dinner, a bang trim, & thee best visit... soon it was time to say goodbye & to thank Mary for all she gave to me.

And....

In the trunk she went....

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

THAT was hard to witness...

I was kinda wishing she could have been put up front with a seat belt around her...

Nicole & Matt LOVE their new "Mary" & Im so honored that she now graces Matt & Nicoles garden in front of their very own home.

The next photo is of another love of my life..my youngest son Jordan & his sweetie wife Noelia.

They came over to help me with the "new to me" Apple I-POD that Nicole gave to me...

OMGOSH yall know Im not the saviest person when it comes to electronics...

Kat has her own IPOD????

OK Ill wait until everyone stops laughing...

Still Waiting.....

So far, I have 2 whole songs on it....

Ive got 1198 to go....

And again we wait.....

I have to purchase an ITUNES gift card for myself...but dont know "when" since my husband & I are on a "new" tight money management budget....

Whos great idea was THAT?

luxuries such as an IPOD gift card is considered a major relapse !

I know...

Cuz I asked....

I even tried justifying it...

Silly girl.

Ive been grieving since we commited last Wednesday.
I need hair color MORE than I need a gift card for an IPOD that I still dont know how to navigate...

even IF I had a giftcard...

the IPOD....

not the hair color!
Anyhoodles, ( Who says anyhoodles??? I am officially OLD)
More grieving.
Jordan & Noelia also made me so happy when they gave me a bumper sticker my son ordered for his new business.

"JROCK TUNING"

He tunes Honda Cars...

Not IPODS! :(

So we proudly put our new bumper sticker on our back window. To advertise my sons new business. He is like a savante when it comes to working on rebuilding, restoring, fixing, or preparing to race AND win any and all kinds of Hondas. Im sooo proud.

Then of course a picture of Ronnie, I, & lil Enola.

I was wearing my new mini sculpted sunflower that I had made into a cute lapel pin that looks so charming on a jean jacket.

Then this little tattered naturally stained pin cushion I had made when I was 10....so were going back 41 years ago.
My Mom had it & before she passed away, asked me to take it & use it with "Old Josie" the wonderful sewing machine she wanted me to have. It makes me feel so close to her each time I sew..no wonder Im on it constantly. I miss my Mom.

Then my big primitive sunflower girls I made. I made several & quilted some pretty funky leaves to go on their large stems. They look so cute all puckered & squinting on my dining room table & on my front porch in a large mason jar filled with pot pourrie & rag balls.

And lastly is the glass candy jars lid I painted & used John Slineys saltbox on. I placed an aged piece of torn rosebud fabric on the rim...Im using it to display & hold my coffee in. I really like the way it looks.

I hope everyone is having a great beginning of spring..The weather here in Conn. has been unpredictable with warm sunny days & on some days cloudy, cold or pounding rain....

I have some exciting news to share the next time I post.

Something I wrote actually became published...

in a book.....
No....

really.
AND noooooo its not a comic book...

nor anything I created & submitted to a magazine...

but the story of my addiction & gratitude on my journey in recovery...

IMAGINE?????

So Ill let you know what the name of the book is & when its release into book stores will be.
Im so excited....

So until the next time...
May we all be blessed with being better today.....
than we were yesterday.
But not as good....
as we will be tomorrow.

Spring Happiness

2010-04-05T05:25:00.001-07:00

What a FABULOUS Easter weekend we had at our home. Thank you to Kat & Rick, our dear friends from the Boston area drove so many miles on a busy holiday just to spend their Easter with us...my husband was in his ever loving glory having WII buddies....MANIACS! thats what they are...well I am too when it comes to WII Bowling & Tennis....but shootin stuff? thats when they lose me. LOL Im sure Im not alone waking up to stiff, right shoulders. LOL What a work out..and nothing got broken in our home.
My thumbs are both heavily wrapped & rubbed with some stanky Bengay & stretchy support bandages..I think I may have over worked them....so time to pay the thumb piper today!

I posted this little bunny girl I made, & have displayed in my wooden bowl with some wooden eggs, carrots, & rag balls on my dining room table.

Then I completed this wooden oval I painted. I just LOVE John Slineys style of old primitive scenes. Then I had fun making a bunch of prim carrots, with torn fabric for leaves on their tops, & stamped a letter "C" secured with a little twine to keep them in sets of 3.

I am soo excited about the way my whimsical & funky bird feeder came out. I used my husbands Plowing stakes that he tags tricky areas to plow but not "hit" as a base, I painted them, ( took close to an hour to remove the slivers I got from painting these suckers! I made 2..but will be making more to sell.
I think they may be good sellers at craft fairs. The camera doesnt do them justice, theyre really bright & although I sealed them with a satin varnish, they look glossy. The birds just sit there pecking at all the free seed....Im thinking of making a tag & stamped something cute on it like... "The Seed Feed Cafe...Every Birdy Welcome" then lamenated it to protect them from our ever changing New England elements.

Our friends who joined us yesterday for untraditional Easter BBQ ( I am so happy the spiral ham Po Po didnt arrest me) loved the little Native American Angel I made & named "Quilting Bear" for Kat..yup another Kat....we were celebrating her belated birthday & I once again used Robin Seebers from "Outside The Box" adoreable pattern. I not only need the practice, I just love these angels I found from her exciting Create n Decorate spread she did a couple of months ago. But I tired to artistically embrace Kats Native American Heritage, so I am so happy I think I captured that. I carefully glued a sprig of Sweet grass & sage to her hands & smudged her with some of my own as I prayed for this little angel to protect Kat & help bless her with creative energy & inspiration.

And whats up with the 100 lb Virgin Mother Mary sittin on my dining room table you ask? LOL
Our friends Matt & Nicole who bought their very first beautiful home.... & was showing us their little piece of Heaven of land...& I was immediately drawn to this old Gal...(no disrespect, I love Mary, but she was so tattered, torn, & primitive) Nicole explained that the previous owners insisted they keep her...& they thought that was sweet but poor Mary was a little crispy lookin! & Nicole was like...."Ohhh Nooooooo.... "Im" not throwing her away..Im not gonna have to answer to THAT when the time comes" Yeah Im not sure many would feel "Right" about throwing the Virgin Mother out. LOL So I asked Nicole if I could take her home & spiff her up with an overhauling of Gesso, paint, varnish & a little love..Im sure up for the challenge!
So todays the day I begin giving Mary an extreme make over. I promised Nicole...no bathtubs!

Has anyone seen the first issue of "Prim" magazine???? OMGOODNESS! What a wonderful magazine...so many of our friends in our dollmaking community are celebrated in there....Pam Gracia from "Soft in the head" Cathy from The Chedwick Co.(right here in Ct. too) Sharon from Mustard Seed Primitives, Tracy from Cedra....Nicole Sayer...Oh LOAWDY....Im so incredibly proud of so many of these artists..too many to list right now, but inspiration GA-LORE!

I sure hope everyones been enjoying the beautiful weather weve been blessed with. Im spending as much time outside as I can...I dont have to slave in the kitchen for supper tonight...were gonna be enjoying left over ribs & chicken for awhile!

See Any Flying Pigs????

2010-03-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

Cuz they sure are flyin around here....big ones, little ones...& they all have BLOGS!
On this day Thursday March 25th 2010 "I" have finally mastered how to add blog links to my side bar.....Yeah theyre flyin all right....ohh man I hope they havent just eaten...ohhh yeah I have experience with those pigeons & I didnt feel lucky, I just felt GrOsS!

Even suffering from a gall stone/bladder attack/issue AND doing shots of mucinex & zycam from a chest cold to add to this fun filled day....I sat up here wishing I had a gurney, w/ several versions of "adding blog/links/ directions in my hand...I think I need to quit my day job...ooops I dont have a day job, LOL but if I did....Id quit... to begin writing a book embracing my spin on Blogging for Dummies! Helping those with LDs...chest colds & Gallbladder issues.

Miracles DO happen...Those of you who know me & my frustrations of feeling less than...stupid...defective....when I finally do something especially on this computer...even feeling painfully "Galled"
I am on a high that you can only imagine...
Now I have to figure out how not to have the "Blog List" title posted each & every time I add someone new...ahhhhh I reeeeeeeeally needed this accomplishment today.

I was frustrated when I called my Doctors office with symptoms of a possible gall bladder attack/or stones or sumpthin awful.
Ive been suffering from since yesterday morning, nausea, low grade fever,extreme pain on the right side under my rib cage whenever I exhale, & a variety of other symptoms a little too personal to enthrall you with...& I cant get an appt.until April 9th @ 3:30!!! when I expressed my concern the perky little nurse suggested I go to the ER.
(Bite me)
Did I say thaaaaaat?
So until the pain or said symptoms increase...Ill just continue driving my husband crazy with my list of complaints .
Thats what good husbands do...in Kats world.

So I hope you all get a kick out of the complete joy Im feeling...If I can do this...what else can I do....
well Im going to think big & close for now so I can go apply to be a Tech Support Customer Service Rep for Google, or Yahoo.........yup them pigs arent the only ones flyin!

The Spring Has Sprung!

2010-03-24T05:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring Everyone....
In my last blog entry, the sun was shining brightly, my windows were wide open, I was spring cleaning like a woman on a mission, & after 4 days of being wildly spoiled with the big warm, yellow ball in the sky...we were hit with the reality that the earth needing a good scrubbing as well...so it rained...and rained and rained some more.

So I took that time to take a much needed break & decided to feed my soul & paint...
I usually always give or sell my finished projects, but I have made the exciting decision to keep all of my recent work.
Sooooo I distressed an old piece of oval shaped wood with a couple of layers of black & cream colored paints...then I sanded the entire piece so the black poked out heavily on the sides & at random on top....I couldnt wait to paint this "John Sliney" salt box on it & gave it an oil based burnt umber wash, then stained it with a darker shade of walnut minwax. Then lastly sealed it with a matte varnish. Im very happy with it.

Then Im almost done putting the finishing touches on my "Spring Bunny" (my own design) Im in the process of painting some wooden eggs & some heavily grunged osnaburg carrots, & a couple of muslin primitive peeps to keep her company as she celebrates Spring.
Her name is "Opal"

I want to thank my new online friend "Miss Lori" from "Not Forgotten Farm"
In my last post, in dire, desperate, frustration of not being able to figure out posting some of my favorite blogs...even after a couple of wonderful online friends emailed me directions in the past & still couldnt make it happen....I offered to pay someone willing to step in & help me...not long after posting my plea...within the hour, Lori left me a comment & generously offered to help me... then she made time & CALLED ME! Is she too sweet????she said shed be happy to help if she could & friends dont charge friends...I was overwhelmed with this act of kindness.

She tried to walk me thru it, & for whatever reason my blog dashboard was being stubborn ....so I gave her my info to hop on board & take the reins...& evidently God is insisting "I" figure this one out on my own...because when she tried to help me, my blog chose to act loyal to me & told her because she wasnt the original blog author, she couldnt gain access! HHHMMMPH!

As you can see I managed to include her blog link while practicing on my own...but because it was a mistake..I don't know how to do it again...AAAARRRGHHHH! I am no quitter...I am going back in today & going to suit up & show up again...THIS MEANS WAR!

Anyway I just wanted to make sure & thank Lori from the bottom of my heart. I promised to pay it forward & do my best to try & lighten someone elses load & perform a random act of kindness. Being nice sure is catching.

So this "Housewife of Hartford County".....is going to start her day & embrace it with all shes got...Hope to see you soon...

Heart Strings with fur....& a baby in a big red pot.!

2010-03-18T04:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Sunny Thursday Everyone....
I met some wonderful online friends & when I shared about our rather Large Mainecoone Cat Mr. O'malley,

They wanted to know why I didn't have any recent photos of him on my blog...well I do have pictures of fat boy on here, but they're not recent. So here ya go...... he is such a ham..yuckin it up for the camera....then his very jealous housemate Opie became a little out of sorts & began the " HEYYYYY!!!!What about me?" look.....so Im not one to break hearts...so here's all that makes my heart skip a beat or two....

I found these 2 absolute adoreable pics of Natalie Jo on my daughter in laws FB page & Grammie just had to have....I told her the one in the pot puts a whole new spin on bein on the Pot-ty! LOL
Then there were a bunch of cute sayings that Lanas' FB friends were posting about what Nat could have been thinking with her little dainty finger under her chin...well we all know she was "really" wondering when shes gonna see Grammie & Pops again???!

As some of you know, Ive been in "The Zone" with my recent much needed spring cleaning... however...here's the thing....I cant STOP! This poor house has been so neglected for a variety of excuses, some even justifiable & understandable in the beginning, then I just got plain overwhelmed, disgusted & depressed. I felt like such a fraud visiting so many other fabulous blogs when my home felt so uncomfortable living here.
Since cleaning, scouring walls,appliances, windows, cabinets, un-cluttering & reorganizing every drawer & closet, every nook & cranny simplified. I feel as if Ive gotten a new purpous in life....yet another second chance at making my house a home...
Celebrating "Primitive Simplicity" I dont feel fraudulent any longer, when I visit you.....Now if I could just find someone to hire & decorate my blog..make it networking friendly.
No REALLY....

If any of you know someone who would be willing to work with me for a reasonable price, Id sure appreciate it. I'm looking for maybe a new background, Id like to add widgets,maybe a new border, add links & a follower thingy...something with some POP that would increase my ability to "keep" the friends I make.

I understand why some get upset, feel slighted & don't return nor do they leave comments,. I "get" that I truley do... But those who know me understand its not because I'm selfish or rude, but am unable to update my blog alone..there's very little I know of that I can do on my own anyway....I need help.
Asking or reaching out is not always easy....but I'm finally in a place where complacency is'nt nearly enough nor is it acceptable to me....
I'm embracing change inside, & outside..& I've heard..."If you don't go within...you'll go without..." Ive been without long enough.
Any Takers? Suggestions? Know someone who knows someone?
Edited to express my sheer joy when I attempted once again....to add the "Follow Me Thingy" on my own & low & behold...... I may have learning disablities but I am a StUbBoRN woman...I went into my blog guts like Schwartzenhager......& another cuppa coffee & Im going to try to add some links...."I'LL BE BACK!"OMG Im unstoppable! LOL

New beginnings everywhere..thank you Springtime!

Simple Blessings

2010-03-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

My new BFFE (sorry Jody, but I KNOW you understand)

The spring has sprung...the flowers has riz...I wonder where dem boidies is! :)

My Husband & I had thee best time last weekend when we drove our "new to us" truck "Leaping LuLu" to Jersey to see the kids. Shes a GREAT lil truck..smooth & good on gas.
We left on Sat. morning & arrived after a little "Dufus Detour" (note to self...purchase a GPS ASAP) after 11:30am...keeping in mind we left Ct. at 6:15am & it should have only been a 4 hour drive!

We were so surprized to see how much Natalie Josephine had grown. The last time we saw her was a couple of weeks after she was born last June...so we had a bLaSt with her silly faces, sweet disposition & affectionate personality.
What a joy this baby girl is.
Please allow me to brag for a minute...she knows how to wave goodbye, she will rasberry if... you do first & sometimes on her own when her mouth is full of sweet potatoes! LOL she will high 5 you...& truth be told I caught Grandpa trying to teach her to "Grunt" so shell leave a little sumpthin in her diaper at any given time! Well keep that one between us k?
Men!

She just about broke my heart when we were leaving on Sunday & saying our heart wrenching goodbyes, I had already kissed & hugged her thru my tear streaked face & as I began to turn away she stretched her little arms out for me to hold her...AAARARARGGHHHHH! OMGAWD!!!!!Ronnie had whispered under his breath..."How accurate "do" you think those Amber alerts really are?" LOL

I cried until we hit the G.Washington Bridge in N.Y. & only stopped being distracted cuz we got pushed into an EZ Pass toll booth & ummmm...we didnt have an EZ Pass...no human toll person, only about 15 angry , honkin, bird flippin, NY drivers...thank God a CT. driver behind us inched his way in reverse & allowed us to back up & get the hell outta Dodge!
I swear Ronnie did that to get me to stop the wailing comin out of me! LOL it worked....sniff sniff.
God I love this man!

Well see them all again in June when they come home for my sons best friends wedding & WE get to babysit!!!

This visit was wonderful because I witnessed what a fabulous team my son & daughter in law make.
Their home is organized like a tight oiled ship...I couldnt be prouder of Lana & her housekeeping skills & was inspired & quite envious to see what a passion it is for her...especially with a full time job, husband AND 9 month old baby! You Go Girl!
I came home with a new found desire to un-clutter, organize, spring clean & scour my own home...hence the upcoming photos.
I have been working non stop since Monday morning & have torn apart my kitchen.
And now I cant stop.....I am not proud to admit, I have learned that after working full time, then having 2 surgeries to recontruct my thumb, a bout of depression, my home was severely neglected & I might add...abused. Our home is pretty big for just Ronnie & I. But were here now& will bloom where were planted.

I have realized that although I am not a legal "Hoarder" I do have an unhealthy attatchment to "Stuff"
Ive done some therapy concerning this revelation & believe growing up in such poverty, & then losing so much during my dark period of life when battling heroin addiction, that when I was blessed & saved by God & embraced continued sobriety many years ago, I thought having stuff filled that insatiable hole in my soul....with things...I was wrong.
I was just plain overwhelmed.
Since simplifying, scouring, throwing away, letting go, & then organizing...I have found such a freedom. This was such a cleansing process. I KNOW Im not dishonoring my sister or my Mom by throwing, donating, or selling things I dont need or want anymore.

The kitchen was the first of 7 more rooms & a huge basement to follow....I am on a mission. Ive also noticed that because of loving the end results, Im quite motivated to wake up each morning & start another room.
Im unstoppable.
Im scaring my husband.

Im off to the dollar store again this morning to re-up on my cleaning supplies, & more plastic containers.
One of the areas Im trying to embrace & look forward to is finding a place to organize & create a "Studio friendly" room. I have soooo many art, paint, & doll making supplies, so much fabric waiting to be stacked & used, so many small pieces of furniture Ive picked up at tag sales or antique shops that Ive put away to restore, Ive got so many books & magazine collections that I need to find space for & commit to weed out. Ill never part with some favorites like Create & Decorate, Mercantile Gathering, Where Women Create & now The Simple life... but I am looking forward in having what some consider a legal studio to go & "Just Be"
This adventure had afforded me the realization that this new organized life is a way to honor my authentic self.
Ive been so lost.
I posted a picture of an angel I tried to create from Robin Seeber & "Outside The Box" I found her pattern in Create N Decorate magazine. I giggle cuz Ive read many artists who are rightfully upset because theyve been copied without being mentioned as original artist or having the respectful credit when re-creating their work....

Im sure hoping I dont upset Robin because I "did" try to copy her.... & FAILED miserably! LOL This angel is my first one from Robin & although I happen to think shes cute, I couldnt for the life of me figure out Robins original wings....I had to surrender & accept my angel would be flying around with these..... mine....We just cant afford a stay at Betty Ford...so I sold out & settled for mine.
The other photos are pretty self explanatory....The Wheres Waldo looking pooch is my "Opie" takin one of his many morning snoozes, I hate disturbing him to make the bed, but... things are a changin and theres a new sheriff in town & shes spring cleaning like a loonatic!

What Momma couldnt do...Em did!

2010-02-16T03:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Winter Everyone.... Im sitting here typing away as the snow heavily falls outside my bedroom window. Its early & still dark outside. The crows are out squacking away screaming for food I havent brought out to them yet...My husband hit the road hours ago plowing, sanding & salting ...Im a little slower than he is but theyre sure letting me know...
I made up these seemingly delicious birdy burgers from rice cakes, peanut butter, corn meal, bird seed, raisins, & a little maple syrup...I hung them on a variety of trees but the birds couldnt have cared less...but the squirrels? ohhh they tore them down.. then tore em up! LOL Chewed right thru the reupholstry thread I wound around them several times...& they had em on the ground glommin em down & I could have sworn I heard a sqirrely burps! LOL

I posted a couple of pictures of my incompleted & neked bunny Im in the process of making. Im participating with some amazing artists & doll makers from Cloth & Doll Artistry.
Its a challenge Ive joined. Were supposed to design a... Christmas Easter Bunny! We can keep our dolls but need to have our projects submitted by Feb. 25th & judging will begin I think on the 27th & 28th. The lucky winner will win an online class from Kat Lee.

Im also very humbled & extremely excited to have begun a very personal journey of self discovery with my dear online friend Emily Franz from "Hootin Annies" & her blog "Blonde & Blithe" What an amazing woman of grace, humor, & what a mind blowing beautiful spirit she has.

Weve begun working to find & unlock, & then honor our authentic selves with "The Artist Way" book as a guide. I posted a picture of a few books Ive been reading & use as daily meditations to help better understand why I often feel so blocked as a creative artisan.

One of the several reasons I adore Em is because she isnt the least bit intimidated or turned off with my Learning Disabilities, I think she has the grace to see beyond my barriers that often prevent me from learning things artistically that so many take for granted...I can learn, it just has to be presented to me in a non linear way than most. Void of impatience, shame or judgements.

I cant share what Ems hopes , dreams & goals are...out of respect for her since this is a personal journey but I do know she shared publicly we are on this walk together, but I can share a little bit of my walk & my experiences.

I was first introduced to Emily way back when Country Marketplace Magazine was still being published. She had done a fabulous interview & had a photo spread of herself & some of her work. I could tell immediately that this woman was a force not to be reckoned with...LOL I mean her tenacious spirit, her lust for life was so infectious...I was so drawn to her. I must have reread her 3 page spread multiple times. She was this adoreable sexy blonde straddling a chair, with her black jeans & red high heels on....Im tellin ya...she made an impression Ill never forget...

At that point, I had never sewed or attempted to make a doll but I was so hungry with desire I could taste it...I had dabbled in some decorative painting but still considered myself a "crafter" & I loathe that word...Im surely not an artist yet but Im not crocheting any lavender dogs to hold my toilet paper! LOL not that theres anything wrong with crocheting purple dogs or dolls for the back of your toilet...Im just sayin... besides...this is my story! LOL

For years my Mom was sadly afraid to encourage me to peek outside of my comfort zone & I think she was trying to avoid my disappointment so when ever I expressed my desire to sew a doll....one of Ems "Hootin Annies" (that just spoke to my spirit)...shed say.."Ohhh honey, dont set yourself up, stick with what you know" which wasnt much & I was bored & needed stimulation..so I kept my first trip to Nirvana to myself when I went to the fabric store for the first time...Ems pattern of "October Annie" safely crumpled in my hand & asked the sales clerk to help me...after all those dark days in my active addiction, here I was sneaking to the fabric store...keeping my secret from my Mom... Jeesh what was so wrong with that picture???
But I kept Ems words from the interview & what I took from her, in my head to support me...do what you love...follow your dreams...your bliss...go for it...because its what she did..I rode on her words, her courage that I took from her article...

I sped home & sat at my dining room table, with all my supplies & sewing machine I wasnt very familiar with & looked up every word in the pattern that was latin to me...I remember working on stuffing her uncooperative #!!OX**O%## neck for hours...many tears...many cups of coffee....& yes I reverted to what I know best...good olde fashioned Prayer...

I reflect back now to how sad it was that as an avid (doll making) sewer my own Mom was, I couldnt possibly have asked her for help...she just didnt think I was worth the time it would take to try & master this one doll Im sure she thought would be my last...

I remember staying up past 2 am appliquing the pumpkins on her little primitive apron...thank God "Primitive" allows & encourages a non perfection make do attitude....cuz this doll was as imperfect as one could get but completed...with personality & she was mine.

One would have thought I had just completed the Nobel "Piece" Prize...I couldnt wait for the light of day to drive over to Moms house to show Annie off...to show me off...to show God off...
She was stunned but genuinely thrilled & proud of me...that was probably 60 or more dolls ago... It wasnt long after that before my mom used to come to me for guidance on primitive doll making...
My gift here was wondering what else did my mom think I couldnt do because of her own issues, barriers & fears???
God, the profound impact on this experience was beyond anything I could imagine... Id been in the dark for so long battling addiction & then trying to rebuild my life, & make amends from the wreckage of that horrible lifestyle that Id stopped believing I was able to do anything at all.

Could I in fact make pie crusts & pies???

Mom said I should buy the store bought since Id never be able to master this tricky task...After successfully making my own pies & homemade crusts, the lil shack "Soul Peaches" in our town took one bite from the pie Id brought down & old beautiful "Minnie" ordered 4 a week...I provided this little restaurant with apple, peach, cherry, & blueberry pies until they closed their doors 2 years ago!

I know being as star struck & naive I was, I carefully typed out a letter of thanks to Em after making October Annie & thanked her for inspiring me as a woman, to push myself into believing in myself.

I thanked her because I felt she was responsible for this beautiful magic that she motivated me to tap into myself & unlock. I remember her kind reply...she said "Id knocked her socks off with my surprize email & compliments, & she hadnt a clue as to how she helped, but was happy if I thought she had in some way, & encouraged me to make 100 more dolls" She said she was humbled...oh if she only knew!

Since then Ive followed her blog, drank in her enthusiasm, & when she expressed interest in working with someone serious looking & interested to do a little creative & spiritual excavating with the Artist Way..well I was all over that!!!!

I shared this lengthy experience because I am passionate about carrying the message of hope to each other. I sadly know a few artists out there who have been blessed & havent found the place in their hearts to give back a little.

Im not asking or suggesting that we reveal our secrets, our knowledge of perfecting doll making that would prevent or comprimise our own sales...all Im asking is that we encourage each other...we dont know what anyone may be going thru...

I do know..if were honest well admit were all going thru something & if we cant lift each other up with our gift of time...of encouraging words, healing thoughts,then who will?
At the time, Em had no clue as to how God was using her voice, her experience,her passion as a vessel to touch my life so profoundly. If she had such an impact to inspire me...could I possibly???? touch someone as well?
I believe God blessed us with very personal exquisite gifts, purposes, & passions, and if we take them & run without giving back? well... we reap what we sow. I want God to be proud of me...Too whom much is given..much is expected.

I will forever be grateful that God lead me to Emily...in the short time weve gotten to know each other, she just makes me want to be a better woman...Thank you Miss Em...me thinks God was just plain showing off when He made you! I love ya & look forward in all thats ahead of us.

Hope & Healing for Haiti

2010-01-25T04:45:00.000-08:00

I see so many other wonderful Bloggers have tapped into their hearts & have been donating their purchases to Help for Haiti.

These examples are the beauty I speak of when I often share about how my blogging sisters teach me so much about stretching ourselves.... sometimes outside of our comfort zones to make a difference. Especially in such dire times in the economy as these...

Haiti needs any & all help. Yet... I thought "How could I possibly help? Im only one person" but if we all felt that way, where would Haiti or any of us be? I do believe God blessed each of us & hasnt left anyone out with a variety of talents, & treasures...I cant help feeling He gave us these personal gifts to share them..at times like these...We cannot take our blessing, of talents time, & whatever treasures we have been given and run..never looking back. I know I cant.

So, Ive created this Valentines Day inspired package to sell. I LOVE Deb Richies designs, she & Terrye French designs just speak to & touch my spirit... I painted Debs adoreable love struck sheep on a piece of osnaburg fabric, & sewed some fun black & white gingham, some red & white fabric surrounding the pillow. Its Bright & very chubby! Just click on the photo for a better look see.

I had a blast painting the empty mayo jar lid & added yummy Hershey Kisses, some pretty wrapped white & milk chocolate to sweeten the pot ...Then added a black n white stamped heart on a round tag snuggled inside of a bright red & white torn piece of fabric which adds a little pop.

I included 4 delicious smelling large soy tarts I purchased & am *LOVING* from Brandy Annes Candles, they are all primitive inspired & make my home smell so warm & inviting...mmmm.

I am going to offer this package WITH shipping & handling in the USA only INCLUDED for $30.00.

My husband & I will match that purchase price & hopefully "we" can make a difference & send it to an orphanage from Haiti who I found from Cookies blog "Curds n Whey"
$60.00! Together We Can...
I understand they donate 100% to Haiti. THATS what Im talking about.

If anyones interested please feel free to drop me an email at my address posted below this entry. Together "We" can touch people who absolutely need to feel touched...loved & not forgotten. I cannot even wrap my thoughts around what they are experiencing.

My life is an open book, its no newsflash that my drug addiction robbed me of everything decent, & beautiful, I was a taker the entire I was so sick so many years ago, it just feels so good to be able to finally give back what was so freely given to me...HOPE!

So Id like to introduce yall to my new hoopty "Leapin LuLu!!!"

Shes a wonderful Nissan my husband picked up & have been working diligently on with a literal mechanical autopsy, she has all new insides...we will be re- painting her white & will also be adding some wild flames on her hood!
She may not have "Hemme" but shes got onions...hence her name Leaping...LuLu! Its been awhile since Ive driven a 5 speed..poor Maxine had only 2...front & back!

But shes heading towards much needed retirement after being very loyal & good to us...but we needed her to "dependably" drive us farther than a couple of towns...
Now we can make that long awaited trip to Jersey to steal..I mean stalk..I mean see....yeah thats what I meant "see" our beautiful Grand daughter Natalie Jo.

God I miss her so much it makes my heart literally ache. We try to stay very connected & send her little gifts, clothes. goodies,& surprizes, I mean This Grammie thing is all new to me...Im thanking God for the second chance to make up where I know I failed, & fell short as a Mom some times...by being the best Grammie I can be...
My husband & I have literally turned into Grand Parent IDIOTS!

We talk about this baby girl & bore people to pieces, AND force them to look at our pictures of her.... but ya know what? WE DONT CARE!!!! LOL
We have made promises to her Mom & Dad not to pierce, tattoo or by her anything leather until after shes 21!!!!! a-hem... The promise of "no leather jackets" may or may not be broken....The jurys still out on that one.

I included my husbands latest Jewelery Box that he recently woodburned. It can also easily hold cigars & diddies... Its beautiful & felted black inside.
He felt easily inspired after our date to the Bike Show we went to a couple of weeks ago.
It is such a rush to sit at our dining room tables some weekends & listen to loud old classic rock or Country..thats right, were out of the country music closet! LOL, share pots of flavored coffee, share lunch & I paint while he burns...beyond our wildest dreams.

I hope you enjoy the photos, I couldnt help but include me & Opie...we were taking our quiet time walk together...Im still trying to get used to these new BiYocals Im sportin & high steppin with..it is good to see again. All gifts that we sometimes take for granted.

I am finally Cyber safe from spyware, adware and virus safe with the newest & best Norton on the market...Im not takin any chances after the horrible "Crash of 09" LOL

So today Im spending time on my Christmas Easter Bunny Challenge Im participating in with some amazing women who belong to the awesome "Cloth Doll Artistry"

I am also busy making some prim & vintage spring & Valentine themed hearts...stacked with a variety of fun embellishments, even making a couple of lapel pins...

Grilled Chicken breast, baked potato & salad for dinner, yup even in the rain we grill....Im doing good on my new healthy eating, Lost 6 lbs in 16 days. YAY me!

Thoughts of peace, creativity & plenty for all of us today..May we ALL walk in the beauty God blessed us with.
scaredykat449@yahoo.com

Simple Times...Simple Joys

2010-01-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

I just love this "Kim Klassen" design I painted on some canvas duck cloth.

Ok keep scrolling...down...a little more...THERE!

Im working on a couple more of her designs...They are so relaxing & fun to paint. The prep work for the duck cloth however is quite the process...but I love to learn.

And during the evenings while watching T.V. Im stitching this fabulous but large cross stitch piece I found in my "Country Cross stitch" magazine. The tiny stitching is also good threapy for my thumb I had reconstructive surgery & another for a bone infection last Oct. so my PTherapist should be delighted Im in screaming pain after an hour of stitching! LOL.

I finally bought much needed new glasses last week, I call em my "Bi-Yocals" I didnt spend the extra $100.00 for progressive where ya cant see the line... these were expensive enough...Laura Ashley frames for me???? I wasnt looking for designer names but these were awfully cute. I was being picky since theyre gonna be on my mug for awhile...but learning to live my life with split screen is undoubtedly a challenge. Im high stepping & tripping all over the place. Yup...still.

So I thought I was seeing things when my little buddy scared the...well you know....when I caught him staring at me while chopping salad for dinner the other evening.
ok now were scrolling back up...LOL

He was just watching me, I went right up to the window & he didnt move...soI asked him to smile... snapped this picture of him. These squirrels are such a delight for the hubs & I. We fattened em up for this cold winter..theyre HUGEOLA! trying to scoot their chubby little fannies up the trees...they probably all suffer from diabetes from obesity...good thing they dont smoke...at least I dont think they do.

Maybe he was just eyeing the monster apple peach pie I had coolin on our stove.

So I just thought Id stop by & share a couple of my projects, & what warms my heart....

I want to share how appreciate I am for some of you who have been posting my blog on your side bars...Im still trying to figure out how to add the Blog Follower thingy on the side of mine...if anyone has any easy instructions, Id sure be grateful...

Im still tickled I finally learned how to post pictures from my new camera. Quite by accident & after many tears..the Lord sure works in mysterious ways doesnt He? Evidently He wanted me to practice patience, perserverance, & learn not to "ever" give up... no matter what I do.

So Im going to believe Him. I have come to Him in prayers asking that He help me rebuild some of the old friends Ive made & have lost since not being here... & making new ones since Ive been back.

Some folks utilize their blogs for marketing, show casing their beautiful homes, or journaling...a variety of different reasons, but I use it for that amazing gift of feeling "connected" to some real kindred spirits...to express my love for recovery while being clean & sober, to share our love for God, to be inspired while surfing to some of your blogs, passions & homes.

SO when I wasnt able to participate any longer, I felt a void in my spirit, that was great.

Although I wasnt seen here posting, it didnt mean I wasnt trying desperatley to find the solution I needed to post pictures & share little parts of my life with all of you.

I dont have a large magazine perfect or magazine worthy primitive home....Im not published myself in terms of my doll making or painting, but I do come here for encouragement, inspiration in believing that some of you who "are" very successful, that it couldnt happen to me too "if" that happens to be Gods will for my life. I dont want anything that God doesnt want for me...
Successful Blogging.....Its important, but its not everything.
Friendship & Family is everything to me.
Making a house into a home is important...
My relationship with God, & improving my life in sobriety is everything to me...
but it all has to begin somewhere.

So when I whine or complain about not being an exciting or flashy blogger...its not because Im trying to compete...Im only trying to learn, grow, push myself towards being the best I can be... I missed being a part of this community where I feel appreciated, encouraged, inspired & motivated. So I thank those of you who "get" me.

I thank those of you who generously share my blog on your side bar...I appreciate that you know youre not "yet" on mine because Im selfish or greedy, but Im learning...& Ive done some amazing things thru small steps already..dont give up on me..Ill bet it wont be long before you all see your blogs boldly & proudly sitting on the side of mine...under my own header..... Screaming that THESE...
are

My Favorite Kindred Spirits.

The Bike Show

2010-01-10T03:57:00.001-08:00

So Ronnie & I enjoyed quite a morning yesterday at a very over priced but so worth the splurge Bike Show in the Hartford Expo center.
We were just needing to get out of the house & do more than groceries, errands or work...so we went out to breakfast first....then off to Harley Heaven.We even saw a couple of very SAWEET Indians....
This sweet lil thang "Miss Valerie" who was a Playboy Centerfold held my husbands attention as she autographed a garage poster for our son & his garage...I told my hubs..."you take away those inplants, her tight lil body, her gorgeous tan, smile & long blond hair...& ya got me!
She was actually standing on a crate WITH platform boots..she was a lil one...(in heighth)
I took a picture of the sign that I would lOVE to buy for my sons garage...it fits him to a tee! Im sure he would agree. So would his boyz...
I was doin a little of my own silent drooling..there were a whole lot of MCs supporting this show, (The Hells Angels) & more, lotsa big intentionally bald... or unbald... hairy boys sportin skull caps, pony tails, leathers, chaps, colors, & ink...lots of tribal ink....yum! (insert chuckle) I have my own hands full with my own middle aged hottie...but rather than feel insecure or jealousy...I just took a lil eye vaca of my own while he was in his own Fantasy Island!

Being at the show however inspired Ronnie to sketch a bike to burn...he had purchased a nice piece of wood, its actually a box, kinda like a cigar box...but wooden, & now he has a vision to begin his own project. The rough sketch is awesome, I cant wait till he completes it. He even said hed keep it for himself which is rare, no matter what he burns, someone always scoops it up & buys it...

I hope no one was offended by the sign I posted...but Im not going to pretend Im someone Im not. I "am" a child of God with a mouth(Im workin on) and sense of humor I hope isnt stripped completely.
Im excited to post some pictures of the cool "EGG" sign I painted from a Kim Klassen pattern. Its hanging in my kitchen & I might even paint one advertising Black Wool for sale...I lOVE all of her Shaker inspired primitive art work.
So thanks for spending some time at the Bike Show with us...Hubs & I bought a couple of over priced shirts but it was soo worth it. We had a ball. Its so important to make & keep dates with your spouse.

Some of my Creations from 2009

2010-01-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

I had a ball painting this large tote bag with a design from Shari Reiner, the other side is loaded with her funky angels as well. It was sold immediately at my home show.

I thought some aged primitive stuffed stars with a variety of sayings would be cute, they sold well. I added some sweet anne, berries, baby breath, and status tucked inside of each. I stuffed them with rags, polyfill & sawdust, to add a great smell then brushed them lightly with some cinnamon.

My Santa was a doll I designed myself, he has a sweet old face with great big eyes. He sold the day after my show, someone called & asked if he was still available...The prim angels in the basket advertising that "Angels Gather Here" also sold well/ I painted their little eyes & they had twigs & cinnamon sticks for arms and legs. I included some old keys hanging from their necks, some had little charms encouraging, "strength, hope, and faith"

I painted my pickle jar with a design from "Barb Jones" who I also adore, but didnt like the first bow & removed it & added a plaid homespun, torn piece of fabric, and it sold right away.

I added a glass voltive with a tea light on top, they look so pretty lit up in the evenings. Another Barb Jones design was a pillow below with a snowman celebrating "Oh Tannenbaum" her snowfolk are the sweetest & so much fun to paint. I was secretly happy he didnt sell, so he sits on my sofa, embracing winter.

I found the pattern for Black Sheep Wool Co. from one of my favorite magazines "Create & Decorate" I am so sorry I cant think off hand what the artists name is, I will find out & make sure to let you know.

And of course my other absolute favorite is "Renee Mullins" on the last pillow. I have learned so much from these wonderful women artists & was completely knocked out with excitement when Renee added one of my pillows I had painted with her design to her website, where she encourages others to "Show Us Your Work" Shes a kind woman who I follow on Facebook. "Hi Renee"

So many of these women who do what they do...just dont realize how they inspire so many others to pick up a brush, a needle, a piece of fabric and go for it. Embracing the journey rather than the destination.

I dont ever want to forget these women... or take what they do or who they are for granted. Some dont even know how they touch us with their art, their voices, their own personal journeys. I think its so important to celebrate each other. Tell each other while were here..what they do for us....what we do for each other.
I remember finding my dear friend Stacey "The Goode Wife" on a private forum, I was so stinkin brand new, open naive, unprepared for all the "crazy" that happens when you put yourself out there.
I remember the first time I began this blog...she was the first person to see it..I was such a wreck, had only been on line for less that a month or 2, and as busy as she was, always made time to celebrate whatever I did...if it was good, bad or indifferent, she was my best supporter and still is.
Another s/hero in my life is "Pam" from "Soft in the Head".....This woman is a published designer...making time in her hysterically busy life of order filling, designing & full filling her several titles of wife, Mother, Grandie, daughter, etc... to make sure she always brightens my week by encouraging me...Thanks Pam...you are indeed a Softee...

"Peanut" from "CountryFolk Keepsake" is another of my kindred spirit sisters...This woman is certifiably sweet, & I wished I lived closer cuz Id be her number one stalker(shed need a restraining order to keep my away)....Cookie, from "Curds N Whey" just lifts me with her creativity, beautiful spirit and love for Harleys & Christ...
Then there are others who just sooth my soul & ignite my own creativity with their blogs.
So thank you ladies for all of your gifts of time, never giving up on who I am, what Im trying to do...you will always be a part of me. I dont mean to imply I want or would ever try & "copy" your work...but absolutely try to emulate your contagious passion, your gifts of inspiration, your beautiful feminine energy that surrounds you & touches so many. Yeah...That I could only hope to incorporate into my own spirit.
So back downstairs to finish the apple/peach pie I promised my poor husband who complained last night that this house has no "goodies" in it.....yeah, all 219 lbs of him whittling away close to nothing! LOL. & then off to make cheeseburg casserole, salad and italian bread for this cold New England weather dipping in the single digits...I think I should try to sew my lil chubby squirrels some sweaters & bloomers...poor lil guys!

Happy New Year!!!!

2010-01-02T06:02:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year.....
We were so thrilled that Matt, Nicole, Mikey, & Enola were able to come share the brand new year with us.
We opened presents, although Enola wasnt much interested in her new doll or accesories for said doll...she sure gave us a run for our money trying to keep Opies old chewed balls and chippies out of her hands! LOL
We ate spinach stuffed shells, chicken parmesean stuffed with mushrooms, eggplant & peppers..., salad, garlic bread, pumpkin pie from Nicole & vanilla ice cream...YUM!

Then we played Wii Bowling...I was beat 2 out of 3 games by Nicole...shes all of 90 adoreable lbs...I think I was hustled. There WILL be a WII match!

The snow is falling outside this Saturday morning, Ronnies out sanding, blowing & plowing, the house is quiet, clean & Im going to enjoy finishing up creating some cute sculpted sunflowers I had going on, they have pouty little faces, & have sticks for stems I found outside,& felted leaves.

Beside the obvious gift of beautiful friendships,....

I have finally been blessed with figuring out how to post these pictures from my Kodak Gallery.
FINALLY!!!!!
Im sure its not the correct way, but I found it by mistake...thru editing & taking out red eyes! I dont really care, I just am shivering with excitement that I can begin posting pictures on Facebook & here on my blog.

Im getting back into creating & designing full time.

I feel so sad that because of my computer problems that I wasnt able to stay in the loop with my networking/blogging sisters...I have missed them all so much.

I pray that I can rebuild my network again. Sometimes the network here has kept me going in some dark times. The void in my life had been large. SOooo if anyone from our doll making community does stop by...I sure would appreciate your comments & help me get the word out that Im back and Im alive.....
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend, and is blessed with an abundance of blessings, healing, peace..... and plenty. I know I am...I was promised & I just feel it!!!!!

Good Bye 2009

2009-12-29T04:54:00.001-08:00

What a year its been. I hope the incoming 2010 is as exciting & abundant as this year has been.
I have grown much both spiritually & creatively.

I owe much of these changes to some of you who have supported, encouraged, & loved me thru some really challenging experiences.
Thank you.
Of course some of these changes were inspired by God who has been asking me to trust Him, the process Hes planned by using people places, and things. I have been out of my comfort zone for a long time. But even thats becoming familiar so it is time for more change.

Ive been being asked by God to push myself creatively....again.

Soooo Im trying to release some of the barriers, limitations that I thought were mine but were actually of others. I do love the olde primitive, simplistic style of dolls, lifestyle etc...yet theres another area of creativity that I cannot seem to keep inside of me much longer & Ive made the decision to examine that exciting arena.
That area is creating more whimsical dolls embracing the feminine energy of the spirit of women...all kinds of women, African women, Native American women, Asian women Women who have lived during the Civil War,...all kinds of beautiful women. Im going to honor the beauty of each of us. Im also going to begin learning how to create more interesting props for these women folk.

For the longest time, Ive tried emulating some of the amazing talent & treasures each of you possess, I wasnt trying to "copy" Ohh Lord, I couldnt if I tried! LOL but I was taking a little of you, a little of her, & trying to incorporate a variety of techniques into who I am.

I have learned much. But now Im being asked to step outside of the box of what we would probably consider Primitive "norm" Im going to learn how to improve my sewing, begin working with polymer clay, Paper clay, maybe do a little beginner quilting, & definitely learn how to feel comfortable with stamps, colored inks, water colors.....I have invested so much money & time purchasing all of these wonderful supplies, & now its time to learn how to use em...not allow them to intimidate me any longer. These will all be incorporated into my dolls, their props, my characters, my spirit.
I am so excited to think Im "goin for it" I am a "Scaredy Kat with her Own Crow"
... One woman embracing her own ideas, preparred to take more risks...Ive got so many new ideas that I dont know where to begin first.
I do have some good stitcheries again, honoring the Female journey, playing with some fun threads, fibers and textiles to encourage each of us with quotes from those who have walked before us...
Ive begun sketching...ohh what a hoot that is..I am no draw-er, but I need to get some of this down as a guide....a map so to speak.
I am so thrilled now that I am learning how to master some of this picture posting with the new camera, I mean even since my last post here, Ive learned how to share these new pictures onto my Facebook Page....
Im DWELLING In POSSIBILITY" & its feeling "Right"
One of my other risks Im taking is opening myself up to networking more, making more friends via Facebook & Blogland.
I hope some of you will join me on my new journey. I do know I cant do any of this alone.
Happy New Year Everyone....Let the miracles Happen.

My Natalie Jo

2009-12-16T04:48:00.000-08:00

Well its been so long since Ive posted on my blog. I miss this being a part of my daily life, I miss being a small part of yours.
Im still unable to find someone to help me learn how to post pictures from my computer onto here or my Face book Page etc. I know how to upload and down load normal pictures but since I have this wonderful new digital camera, the entire program has been comprimised.

This really upsets me. I feel like Ive missed out on sharing with so many of you. Thank God for Face book so I havent lost touch with so many of my friends Ive met thru blog land.
Im praying that God will put the right person in my life to"fix us"
My hubs & I are beyond blessed. I have so much to share but until I can post pictures its not much fun reading words...you can do that in a newspaper! LOL
Life is good, it is full.
I pray that each of you are continually blessed with an abundance of Healing, Creativity, Light & Plenty.
I think everyones pretty much given up on me & my inability to blog... (I cant blame them)but just in case....I havent forgotten any of you. I am in emergency prayer for a computer angel to help me..until then...
Merry Christmas & Happy Happy New Year!

The Allman Brothers

2009-08-31T05:19:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo!!! Rockin out with The Allman Brothers & Wide Spread Panic at the Dodge Center in Hartford Ct.

Last night Ronnie & I spent thee best night out in months w/ another sober couple we had invited. Ronnie had won 4 VIP tickets from a Bikers Against Animal Cruelty Rally last month.

Ronnie & I were simply saddened & amazed at the amount of ecstacy, weed and of course $9.00 beer so many were tanked on. I mean, I know Im older, & I certainly understand that just because "we" are gratefully choosing to live a life of sobriety, that not everyone "should" not drink or smoke occasional weed at a concert, Im not condoning..Im just sayin! But we were deeply disturbed at the amount of folks our age....late 40s & 50s..some older just torqued out & rolling on "X" These people had to drive home...it scared me. & those not doing drugs were just hammered from alcohol. I know there had to be hundreds of call outs this morning in Ct. from hangover induced suffering. Guys on both sides of us were passing joints around inviting us to take a hit...the heavy drugs disgusted me, the stale beer smelled horrible but the weed was talking to me..it did smell kinda...well damn good. But when we got outside, my hair and clothes reeked of it all. Yuck!

The opening band was "Wide Spread Panic" very good, very hard rock...lotsa strobe lights, light sticks,loud music & dancing...lotsa cooling down w/ $4.00 bottled water...

For free tickets we couldnt have had better seats, 8 rows from the stage and dead center...we could actually see Gregg perspiring as he was thrilling us all on his keyboards. I was excited to read on his website that hes been clean and sober for a few years now. Hes 61 & unfortunately joining me & thousands of others from the battle of Hep C. Hes had to cancel several states on this tour from the painful & exhausting flu like side effects & symptoms of treatment.

It was so much fun dressing up in my tye dyed hip huggers, black silk blouse w/ bell sleeves (very Stevie Nickish), & new black strappy sandles. Of course hubs was leathered out, wore his Native American choker of elk bone& turquoise that he made, & I couldnt have felt sorrier for all the women, I clearly had thee hottest man on my arm! (sigh) Although I did have to reel him in to reality... for gawkin at the Hooter Girls...like he had a chance...dirty ole man of mine! LOL

What a blast from the past...such fun. They sang some olde classics, Sweet Melissa, Whipping Post, & almost every song from Eat A Peach album.
It was a great night, we really need more date nights between us. It was quite different from the old days where I may or may not have needed a bail bondsmen, didnt have pictures taken with numbers across my chest LOL and best of all this time remembered who we saw!!!!

Well I went to my Doctors & going back to work even on light duty isnt an option or open for discussion until Ive had 4 weeks of Physical Therapy for twice a week. I wasnt happy but gratefully had felt peace in finally accepting this is Gods will not mine..it is what it is till it isnt. I was more upset that my bosses were extremely upset & one of them took it out on me verbally. It took every bit of grace & class not to remind them had they done their job in fixing the broken tile I had reported in my safety audit for 2 months before I fell, we wouldnt be having this conversation! But my sisters in Christ have taught me...when the horse is dead...dismount...they know how I feel and their anger wasnt about me..it was about them. Jeesh is it possible Gidgets growin up????? LOL
So its Monday morning, tomorrow is my first appointment with "Mike" my P Therapist. at 7:30 am..lets get this party started...
Today Im gonig to try tracing some fun painting patterns I found on the latest issue of Create & Decorate..Tomorrow we go shopping for my new digital camera...so pictures soon.
I hope everyone embraces this day with all they have & envelop the same excitement I feel for the fast approaching autumn...I just love love love...sweaters, sweatshirts, the aroma of burning leaves, the colors, the chilly mornings & thee best designs for fall.
ohhh me needs more coffee.

NEVER.....

2009-08-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

Its never too late to be the person you want to be!

Well this morning I woke up w/ a surprize visitor..my son Jordan stopped by to show us his new (to him) Chevy Low Rider Pick up....my camera is gone....dead..bought the farm & until we purchase my new one next week..(yay me) (Yay Hubs for belated Brithday Present) I have no way to share pictures..frustrating thing is..is that my son took pictures on his new blackberry phone thingy that does everything but heal reconstructed thumbs...& sent them to my email which I have... but dont know how to upload them to my blog....YET!

Sooo on this bright beautiful New England morning w/ the hubs working a side job, Im hopping in the shower and THEN...drumroll please...Im going to attempt tracing a fabulous "John Sliney" New England scene on an old round corner table Ronnie stripped, repainted, & distressed waiting for me to muster the strength & courage to try painting it...well today would be that day.
I have GOT to try it.
I still cant hold a spoon to feed myself w/ my right painting hand, or brush my teeth, hold a pencil etc...but I am going to try it.
I have a doctors appt. this friday to see if my hand is strong enough to begin physical therapy and or if I can go back to work/school the following Monday on the 31st of Aug....I dont know how I can even on light duty....I cant drive, cut my own meat, do any of the thousands of everyday tasks but Im expected to go back to work & oversee the entire operations of my lunchroom, do paperwork AND feed 150 students both breakfast and lunch!!!! so I am leaving all the panic & projections to God.

I feel bad that I cannot share an pictures or new projects...Ive lost blogging friends, & I cant blame anyone...I bore my self! LOL...but with a new hand, new fabric, supplies, new outlook and a new camera....Ill be coming back a new and restored artisan. I am full of new ideas, patterns, and passion to get the life Ive always dreamed of....

Im counting down the days until Ronnie, myself and another couple we invited to join us to see The Allman Brothers...whooo hoooo this coming Sunday....Ive gotta go buy a new bic that I can click for THAT rockin concert....
Goin to chase my Grace.....................................

HELLLP ME PLEEEASE!!!!!

2009-08-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

Good Lord my Bloggin saviours...friends, commeraderie, mentors, anyone???????????????

I am a MESS!

Thank goodness for delightful surprizes such as the one I had Saturday of my little girlfriend "Enola" & her brother Mikey and Mom "Nicole" who stopped by WITH grocery bags full of BBQing goodies for us to throw on the grill...fresh ears of yellow and white corn...ohhh whats that corn called that melts in your mouth? is it sugar corn? oh well you know what I mean..short term memory is still trying to come home...LOL & beans, chicken, & I had made tuna/cucumber pasta salad that only took about 3 hours to prepare...Jeesh! with Ronnies help..he diced the celery, onion and cukes...um twice cuz he made em kinda too chunky the first time..hes such a good sport..so Ronnie taught Mikey how to woodburn his first project on a small box & Mikey blew us all away with his 9 year old talent...a couple of games of horseshoes while Nicole, Enola & I chilled...well Enolas 16 months so we kinda chased her around but we had a ball.

What Im beggin for help with is....this self absorbed nightmare of boredom Im feeling while still unable to do much of anything with this albatross of a dead stump I think used to be my right hand/arm/thumb!!!! I am really STRUGGLING with being unable to do absolutely anything while still in this cast..man I see some men and women who courageously experience chemotherapy with such a spirit of grace and dignity...not me..uhhh-uhhhh..what a wus I learned I am. I hear myself complaining and thing WHAT people MUST be thinking..Ohhh POOR ME..cant do housework, cook, clean, bake, create and or decorate...has to allow her husband to serve and wait on her hand and foot..ohhh POOR KAT!!! LOL Im just sayin....I am no hero...Im quite ashamed of myself for not being able to accept and embrace this as life on lifes terms or that its temporary...

Im not a tv watcher...Ive been reading novel after novel....I come on the computer to stimulate myself and I feel more frustrated seeing all the things I cant do right now...I ended up making a mistake last week while still trying to master left/clicking.left/mouse rolling...& when I recieved an invite to upgrade my spyware/virus protection, I tried to decline but mistakingly clicked on UPGRADE NOW!!!! then I couldnt stop the madness!!!! so I finally upgraded....against my will....& then couldnt reply or send any emails recieved, nor could I delete anything in my spam box...AAARRRGHHH where in tarnation did I put the suicide hotline number?????????????????????????

so I go to the yahoo online chat techie guy "Al" (thank you Al...you so rock") and after spending 1 hour and 26 tearfilled minutes helping me land this plane.....I found out after going into the bowels of the earth in cyberland that I had to enable my javascript thingy..and I was finally fixed..Ill bet shortly lafter that little journey "Al" is probably looking desperatley for the same number for suicide prevention that I was..OR......he drank his lunch!!!! LOL

so back online suffering from blogland overdose.....grieving all the fabulous new fall/autumn decorating, creating and designing dolls that I dont see happening for me anytime in the near future...I humbly come back here to where Im loved in spite of my whining, complaining and venting...

My doctors appt. is Aug 28th to find out if Im healed enough to begin Physical therapy...and work/school begins on the following Monday the 31st...& Im pretty sure I wont be available or ready to go back to work..my poor boss is freaking out cuz we just found out my assistant wont be returning and just quit!!! so I wont be there..my assistant wont be there...and the kids will be thinking Im not coming back...ohhhhhhh..but I YAMMMMMM I YAMMMMM!!! arent I?

Ive been praying and expressing my heartfelt gratitude to God, that I "Have" a job, I will be healed but in His time, not mine..I have learned things about myself..some good..some well...maybe not so good, but still lessons...I have found out who my true friends have been and who have been aquaintences and Im grateful I have "them", Im clean, sober, didnt get strung out on the powerful pain meds and I have a fabulous husband who Ive fallen head over heels in love with all over again after 21 years together....so I am still very blessed and spoiled...I just miss so many parts of my old life...and thats a good thing.

Im keeping my dear friend "Stacey" from Ravens Haven in my thoughts and prayers as she sadly lost her precious Dad last week....

I am looking forward in celebrating my birthday on Thursday the 20th with some friends and more BBQing goodies, well probably fire up our awesome new fire pit, light the tiki torches and just embrace the truely precious things in my life...family & friends.....

I thank so many of you who have humored me, popped in on me, emailed or left encouraging and loving comments...Pam, Tina, Laura, Peanut, Cookie, my sister Ginnie, and of course Stacey.....I love you all so much. Thank you for never giving up on me.

Thank You Everyone

2009-08-10T05:43:00.000-07:00

I want to thank everyone who have been praying for me, reaching out to me publicly and privately. I have not had... nor am I... having an easy time of healing.

Surgery was supposed to be only an hour and a half but because of the trauma from my fall, we were down under..for 4 hours.

On last Friday I had both pins removed...cast removed and an IV bag of antibiotic from a surprize infection administered. I am still however back in a soft cast w/ rods supporting my hand and lower arm straight.

I was soooo embarrassed that as the doctor was removing said pins...I ended up passed out w/ my head in doctors lap!!!!! my blood pressure dropped after seeing the tools and puckered incisions & state my poor hand is in. I thought there would only be 2 incisions, but because of the damage, he made 3...I was hoping I had literally died when I realized I passed out...the nurse was fanning me w/ my own chart and I was being encouraged to sip a small cup of water..I was praying would be arsenic. LOL

When I came home from the surgery and I was so altered from the risidual effects of anesthesia and powerful pain meds..I was convinced that my air conditioner was whispering to me..for 3 nights!!!! On Friday..the one where the crash of 09 happened...I had kept my commitment and brought back more than half of the remaining unused very addicting pain meds. It was the agreement we all had, as soon as the immediate hysterical post surgical pain went away, Id use perscribed motrin and stay focused on my recovery in sobriety.

I am struggling now with being back in a cast, mild tendon and ligament pain, my hand is so very weak, its my dominant hand so nothing but reading and hen pecking with left clicking and mouse rolling for me for another 3 weeks. Then physical therapy...Probably not in time for the beginning of the school year for me.

What was I thinking?

When I went to the doctor this Friday I was in la la land thinking Id be completely healed, cured. ready to sew, paint, cook, clean, journal, and begin a new baby afgan for my Grand daughter......Im in the same disabled state I was in days after surgery. Im working on acceptance.

I was so looking forward in rebuilding "Scaredy Kat and Her Own Crow" and creating a new falloween line I have been thinking of since all those medications that had me in a tea party in the circle of Alice and wonderland! LOL Re-establishing my life in blog land...but I guess God had other plans for me.

Ronnie deserves the key to the city,,,the award of being the bestest husband in the world...I have fallen deeply head over heels in love with him all over again after he lovingly catered, served and took tender care of me as if I were a brand newborn. I wanted for nothing...even threatened to serve me in a speedo and flip flops if I was feeling blue...he wanted me to smile...mission so accomplished!

Thank God hes doing some sidework for the first time since all this happened..he needs to get out of the house and do manly things like welding, working with other manly men...greasing up his world with what he loves doing.

Im a blessed woman.

Thank you all who have expressed such concern and encouragement as my summer and life were turned upside down.

Thankfully the healing has begun.

I missssssssssssssssssssss sewing...................... my flat iron... my make up and hairspray..I look and feel all of...well none of yer business. wwwwaaaaaaa...LOL

Thumbs up! Im GOIN IN!!!!!

2009-07-29T08:14:00.000-07:00

I Do believe in spooks..I do I do I do!!!!!!!

Well folks tomorrow morning Ill be in the hospital w/o coffee, cigarettes, make up, valuable jewelery ok..I get that... but HAIRSPRAY????? Ohhh it aint gonna be pretty at all!

A shower tonight, another one in the morning before admitting..admitting what???? any secrets I have will be gone...in one of the 2 showers they insist I take? to what? wash away any sins in case I dont make it???..what kind of wild life do they think I have that requires 2 showers in a 6 hour period???

Ohhh well theyre gonna make 2 insicsions, one on the side of my thumb, the other under my wrist into my newish tattoo!!!! to remove 4 inches of tendon to pin...PIN???? EWEWEWEEEE to the injured but shaved bone in insision #1! Im not feelin this at all.

They arent intibating me, ill be breathing on my own . Im having a surgical block but will be in a twilight state...they assured me..over and over and over again! It may surprize you, but Im NO surgery hero.. they assures me Id be in such a sedated state, theyd still have to shake me to wake me. Ill be able to respond to voice commands...in case of what???? I want a cup of coffee? a cigarette? put on my make up or spray my hair???? I mean what are they gonna ask me? OHHHHHHHHH This doesnt sound good at all. Im claiming the 5th ammendment as of NOW!

I want to be out of it...I dont want to hear my doctor asking the nurse to pass the thingy that shaves the said bone, or the hammer to secure the PINS...I dont wanna hear my doctor or anyone say UH OHHH, theyll just have to cover "THAT" with some more tattoo ink!!!!or "She did say the right hand right???"

OHHHH, so because Ronnie wont be able to post the fact that I made it, Im in lala land and on some good drugs, & because Ill be in a large bulky pressure cast for at least 10 days...Im probably not gonna be able to share my "surgical experience" for awhile. I will howver to do my best to come back and left click with my toes if I have to!!!!

I thank so many of you who have been praying, supporting and encouraging me here & on facebook.

I know Im being a big baby, but I yam what I yam....

Im praying that ill be up and attem preparring to get better to enjoy the amazing tickets Ronnie won to the ALLMAN BROTHERS on Aug 30th the night before I hopefully go back to work..Ill be back before then bragging about that blessing as soon as I can.

I sent out the giveaway goodies to Peanut from "Countryfolk Keepsakes" early this morning, so please check her blog out next week, Im sure shell be showin and tellin a couple of the goodies I sent her in addition to the Blog giveaway Prize.

So as Carol Burnett used to say before closing..Im so glaaaaad we had this tiiiime togetherrrr..(imagine me tuggin my ear right about now) just to have a laugh and say so long..................

We Have A Winner!

2009-07-20T06:33:00.000-07:00

I want to thank each of you who signed up for my blog giveaway...those of you who advertised my giveaway on their blogs ...thank you also.

I am so tickled to announce that our very own regular on Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow.....drum roll please....

"PEANUT from COUNTRYFOLK KEEPSAKES"

won my painted Patriotic Pillow designed by Kim Klassen & a bunch of primitive goodies shall arrive on her countryfolk doorstep as soon as she emails me her home address.

Thank you again for your support, & enthusiasm!

scaredykat449@yahoo.com

Cant wait to hear from ya girlee!

More Goodies

2009-07-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share a few of the goodies Im going to be including on this blog giveaway. I had such fun at Cape Cod Crafters the other day & picked up this sweet primitive red star on a piece of twine to hang somewhere fun in your home, then I picked up this adoreable saltbox lapel pin, a package of creme brulee tarts that smell delish!
I also added a painted primitive flag that I found one year from an artist in Create N Decorate, her first name is Stephanie & I adore her work. I wanted to share this vintage bottlecap magnet of a little girl celebrating independence day with the winner too.

I sure hope I didnt offend anyone while explaining why I wouldnt include anyone who didnt have a blog or anyone who wasnt in what I considered "a community of doll makers" I was just so surprized during my last giveaway the amount of folks blatantly wanting something,. anything free from the internet. I had people saying "Yeah Im joining even though this pillow isnt something at all Id want, my daughter might so if I won could you please paint it in another color?" Then I found someone with their addy being something like "free stuff .com

I have had a ball in the past signing up for many giveaways and I like to support several of the blogs and hard working folks, I think its a great way to get to know people, have folks
get to know me a little better & I apologize if I didnt handle this with the grace it may have required, but thats why I adore so many of you...you teach me
so much as a neophyte myself to this wacky but wonderful world of blogging about our passions, whether that be family, friends, vacas, pets, or new desings.

Ive gotten some of thee best recipies, ideas, hints, laughs, and shed some tears from being a small part of so many of you. I wasnt trying to discriminate in any way..I was trying to limit the amount of folks who werent interested in networking or supporting, but only in gittin something.

I really appreciate the support, encouragement and inspiration Ive recieved from you in the past. Im commited in learning how to find a balance in keeping whats so close to my heart which is creating, and meeting some of the most phenomenal women who Ive become friends with while having to make a living outside of the walls of my home.
I come home like most, tired, lacking energy, and time. I feel as though Ive lost some of my dearest friends and even acquaintences while not being able to come here or create as I used to before having to work ...ya know??? working for a living IS highly over rated! LOL. Gosh I miss some of you sooo soo much.
Thank you for understanding Im still very clumsy in my walk & am tryng to learn how to be the woman of Grace so many of you are.

I have finally been given a surgery date for the reconstruction of my boo boo thumb...so July 30th Im goin under the knife...yikes...Im flyin around here trying to play catch up and digging around for sweats and shorts that have elastic band waists so I can pee without the aid of the hubs!!!!! Ohhh am I gonna pay for each time hes suffered & has been bandaged & deemed helpless with "welding flash" that included eyepatches and my mercy!!!! which may or may not have been a short supply of. (GULP)
Praying prayers of gratitude for blessing me with my blogging sisters.

Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow Giveaway!

2009-07-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

I have been away wayyyy too long with all the excitement of going back to work...to a new supervisory position that has brought me much learning about myself, has provided much financial relief, and has helped me meet some of thee most difficult but loving children and staff in the Transitional Educational Program I work in.

However, the downside to this new life of mine was the inability to find time and or energy to do what I have been blessed with, which is the passion to create. I am sometimes curious as to whether it is a blessing or burden.... because I do know it soothes my spirit, by creating and Ive been learning how to design my own characters.

I have met some of the most charming, talented, and inspiring doll makers, designers, painters, sculpters, that this world wide web has to offer. I have made some phenomeanl friendships, I have been tucked quite safely under some of the wings of these women. Now come on yall....Im not discriminating, cuz I know there are a vast variety of talented male artists, but the ones Im talking about happen to be women.

That said, I have missed out sorely on being a regular on some of these blogs that I used to read & respond to on a daily basis. I have spent some of the first week off for the summer, trying to read & play catch up on some of these amaaaaazing blogsites. I feel so out of the loop. I am excited to realize one of the most valuable lessons I have learned while working outside of the home is that I can have the best of both worlds...but will take alot of creativity to manage my time and find the balance I so desperately need when I go back to work on August 31st.

So I thought I would express my thanks to those of you who havent given up on me since Ive been away, & even those who have, and thought hosting another giveaway would help me meet some of the new artists, artisan and crafters who share the same excitement I do whenever we see/smell a yard of fabric, a spool of thread, a bottle of paint and at a tag sale, flea market or even a thrown away piece on the side of the road deemed worthless, until we come by, rescue it, clean it up, strip it down and do whatever we do to put love back in its grain again......
or reintroduce myself back into this wonderful community of women who do what we do.

I "am" going to insist however that although everyone in our community is more than welcome to leave a comment & sign up for this giveaway, I wont make the mistake I did the last time and include names of those who only want something free, void any blog, business, or desire other than to snag something free off the internet. I was simply amazed as a neophyte how many folks signed up with rediculous requests, briberies, nasty statements, or comments and didnt even have a blog....those Im speaking of???? Need NOT apply.

Now I am excited to offer this Handpainted Americana Pillow designed by Kim Klassen. I found this design in the August issue of Create & Decorate. Miss Kim had painted this piece on a huge plank of beautiful wood, & since I havent anything close to that, nor can I afford to purchase ...I was just sqirtin w/ excitement to paint this on a piece of muslin...the back is a dark blue Patriotic fabric w/ teeny little white stars on it, and I stained a tag that states..."Land of the free because of our brave..." secured w/ a piece of twine with a rusty saftey pin. I measured it 18 inches long & 9 inches wide, painted & sewn in a non-smoking home. It is a $32.00 value & as long as it is mailed in the good olde USofA...shipping is free. If you click on the picture, you can see the pillow up close & personal & appreciate the detail Iworkled so hard to compliment on Kims design celebrating our USA.

I invite anyone with a blog, a business, & or passion to decorate their home...to just leave a comment on my blog w/ your email addy or blog link so I know how to contact you if you win..

If you would like to triple your chances??? I will add your name times 3 if you help me get the word out & post this giveaway on your blog...just let me know in your comment, and BAM 3 times it is....

Im also going to include a couple of primitive surprizes to sweeten the pot.

I thought of giving everyone a 2 week chance to get thier name in, so on July20th...we will pull someones lucky name out of a basket...Good luck and have a FABULOUS week yall, while we get this party started....

Im on the BEAM!!!

2009-06-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

Id like to introduce to you my brand new precious Grand Daughter... Natalie Josephine...born this afternoon a little after 3 pm.

Mom is fine but naturally exhausted...Dad is in the ZONE with pride...and of course Ronnie and I are just spent with songs of praise and gratitude to Jesus for blessing us all with this miracle of life and protecting both during this 12 hour labor and delivery.

I am incredibly amazed at how the circle of life envelopes us. Little Natalie was concieved the same weekend the kids were here saying goodbye to my Mom when she passed away. In my Moms house.

Natalie-Jo was weighed in at 21 inches long...and 7lbs & 9 ounces

Natalie is Lanas Moms first name (who was at her side during delievery all the way from Russia, here for 6 weeks) and of course Josephine being my Moms first name.

Ten Perfect fingers and toes...I am going to bed a blessed and happy woman. I couldnt wait to stop by here first and share my beautiful Grand Daughter with all of you. Thanks for being a part of my journey...

Plans are in the making for our trip to Jersey to meet her in person. How can someone love someone so very much whom youve not even met yet? This is an incredible experience.

Signing off for the very first time as G.G. (Glamorous Grammie)

Blessings from Napa Valley and more....

2009-06-20T04:34:00.000-07:00

I havent been here in awhile & I apologize but Ive been so busy. My dear friend Jody who I asked yall to pray for (thank you all so much, ohhh the power and wonder of prayer) came and spent an over night with us. What a delightful and wild-woman she is.

Its as if I met my twin...ok, so we may not exactly look alike, but kindred spirits we are indeed.

We had a great time gabbing, sharing, and loving each other like best friends do. I am in awe that God would deem me worthy of such a phenomeanl woman. I mean she IS ALL THAT!

Thank you God.

See my flowers? Yup, Ronnie surprized me last week with this gorgeous dozen. I immediately went to the "What did you do?" place..LOL but he bought them to make me smile... :>) and smile I did!!!!

See, on Wednesday, June 10th, I tripped on a broken floor tile in the kitchen at work and I went down HARD! When I put my hands out to naturally try and break my fall, I injured my right thumb/wrist...ya know, the one I suffer from RA with? so my company sent me to their Prompt Care place, which x-rayed me, found a sprain, but when I went home and it began locking up on me like the pain and un-natural way a charley horse does...everytime I flip my cell phone down, or hold the tooth brush, paint brush...(please pass the tissues) it began this painful episode, so they sent me to a "Hand Specialist/Surgeon.

He was not happy with the xray, and saw the inflammation and joint/ligament & tendon damage from the fall. Going back on light duty (which is a laugh, cuz there is no light duty doing what I do) probably wasnt the best call made from Prompt Care...(his words, not mine) so he put me out of work for the remaining last 4 days of school, gave me a cortizone shot...OUCH!!!! ohh how embarrassing to have a toughie like me beg this man for mercy while he purpously dislocated my thumb to insert the cortizone.... but ohhh what sweet relief with the novicane he also injected which only lasted a couple hours before the pain returned. So I have a take on, take off cast with rods, and an appointment on July 1st to set up another appointment for an MRI and possible surgery???? WTHeck???? I heard little else after that one!

I am going back to school on Monday to say goodbye and to wish the kids a happy, and safe summer while lunch is being served for the last time this year! BAUGH Im gonna miss most of these buggers..........so now Im unable to collect unemployment cuz of the injury.... and workmans comp is going to take awhile.... so I guess patience, tolerance, and lots of prayer will be required...ohhh yeah, did I mention Ronnie got laid off yesterday too?????????????????????????????????? Ohh man its a good thing I dont drink!

I thought Id show yall some of my new ink I had done a couple of months ago...a beautiful lotus which only grows from mud and mire and only gets beautfiful when exposed to light? hence the amazing celestial female sun that my talented friend Bennet Love designed just for me? (Darn good thing I shaved dem pits!)Definitely appropraite considering my life was in the mire before I was rescued by God and brought to the light of a new way of life in recovery. And what a life this is!

Looky here....Shoe shopping for my Natti-Jo due to be born on the 29th of this month. Newborn Crocs?????How stinkin cute...

I painted this tote bag for Jody, knowing it would be loaded up with goodies Ronnie and I spoiled her with, its a great gift bag and take on for the plane. Both sides were painted with whimsical designs from me, and a variety of artists. Sherrie Reiner being one. (Angels on the other side.)

She sooo LOOOVED it! I think if you click on the photo, it will become enlarged, check out the adoreable buttons from "Joannes" that were on sale for .50 cents each!

I also posted a cute shutter shelf with panes and mirrors behind it, I found at a tag sale and stripped and helped it along to give it some primitive pop.

Well todays Ronnies birthday, Im making a nice summer cake for him. A white cake, poke some holes in it after its baked and drizzle some fruity jello in the holes and then slather with whip cream..mmmmmm I bought him a single sterling silver feather ear ring for him, since he lost his last one. It honors his Native name being Ronald 4 Feathers. and for Fathers day? a card and an inexpensive but durable birdbath hes wanted for so long... OMG!!!!when did we get to the place where we want bird feeders and bird baths for presents? When did the Harley Davidson themed gifts stop???? OMG were stinkin old!!!!!!

Well Peeps, this will be the last "Christmas Time Letter" type of blog entry...Im off for the summer and although sore, and slow, I am in the process of creating something fun for a "Giveaway" to find my old friends and make some new...Lets get this party started!

Introducing "Scaredy Kat & Her Own Crow"

2009-06-07T13:59:00.000-07:00

OH mY LiTTlE OpIe!
Gosh how is it possible to love and adore a little neurotic Jack Russell Terror as much as I do? Its like a sickness.
Its more than puppy love.
What in the WORLD am I going to do when I meet my Grand Daughter Nattie Jo????
How can you have so much love in your heart? Its GOT to be a God thing.
Well as you can see, Im in the process of celebrating & introducing my new business name that Ive included as my Blog name (although I have no clue as to how to change the link name, so for now it will have to remain the Katerpillars no more name but in link only) I sure would appreciate any suggestions.

Anyway...HIIIIII Everybody!!!!
What a gorgeous sunny, warm Sunday afternoon here in New England.
Weve got some baby back pork ribs on the grill, and I made pasta salad with tuna, bacon and ranch seasonings. OOhh with a little bit of cucumber and a couple of tomoatoes! mmmm

I made this sign and placed it on a tree we refer to as the "Squirrel Highway" Down there!Its pretty self explanatory, but I love thinking maybe all of our weeds could be wildflowers..so I shouted it to the world, well at least in my back yard, the squirrels know how I feel...that is... if they can read....dont underestimate em, these lil critters are purty smart when they wanna be!

I wanted to show off some of my neat loot I scored at this huge tag sale the hubs and I went to yesterday morning. We had a ball. Then we went to breakfast at this old family biker diner and shared hot coffee, eggs and home fries, Im sure glad Im not seeing any cholesterol checking Doctors this week!!!

Ohhhh boy...this looks like trouble...What Could olde
"Ever Ready and Never Ready" be thinkin??? Not me...Them! They are like 2 peas in a pod.

Ronnie was test driving our neighbors Harley Davidson that was plenty big enough for our neighbor, but poor Ronnie needs a little more bike for his 6ft4inch self! But he sure had fun. Im excited to share that we have begun an official Harley Davidson Savings account.

Ohhh Kitty, kitty oh so pretty. This heres olde crotchety Mr. O'Malley. He last weighed in at 23bs. (Im sure alot if its his fur)

So heres a few more things I scoffed up while sailing yesterday morning, I bought these cute lil Uncle Sam corn on the cob holders, a picnic basket, wheres Miss Tina when ya need great painting ideas? Then look at this awesome prim apothocary style cabinet I got for our bathroom with 4 tin drawers! Then I hung this antique fire putter outter thingy on my living room wall. Too stinkin cute. We had a blast just hanging out together without a care in the world, thank God for weekends and the best husbands.

Ok and last month I was scanning my all time favorite magazing The Mercantile Gatherings and I see this article honoring and introducing this wonderful prim artisan Kristal from Rags-n-tags...well dontcha know she lives a couple of towns over from me? well I immediately email her and go to her blog and website and ordered some of her fabulous olde bottle caps with pictures of Slave womenfolk in them, I wear mine on my lapel and will use the others on my old civil war dolls. I know the piccy isnt clear but please go check this woman out. I ordered a few other things and sent her too mcuh money and she sent me an adoreable muslin cinnabun. I hadda warn the "Wildman" its not to eat!!!!

How cute is this?

Please DO check Kristalswebsite out, you wont be sorry.

http://www.rags-n-tags.com/

Well it sure is smellin right as Im typin away and the old belly is a growlin...thanks for stopping by and have a fabulous week. I sure am getting excited with working only half days from now on until the last day of school, then ElEVen weeks of vaca! YIPEE!
In closing I would like to thank each of you who prayed for my Best Friend "Jody" Our prayers have been answered and the healing has begun...Thank God...Thank all of you prayer warriors who held this amazingly brave woman up....God is so good! But we knew that!

A little Joisey in the air...

2009-06-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

This is the Hudson River looking from the George Washington Bridge...The one Tony Sopranos driving over in the opening of his show...I was looking but couldnt find poor "Pussy" floatin around...probably cuz of the cement shoes they strapped on him....

Ahhh sweet remenents I found at "Jo's" gonna make me some Patriotic treats from this stash... Im thinkin pinwheels! or no...how bouta prim pillow with sumpthin stitched on it..or no i KNOW!!! oh never mind...well just have to wait-n see.

I bought this beautiful plant as a Managers Special...she was almost dead...look at her now..worth alot more than the 2 bucks I paid for her!

And something Ive begun painting...youll hafta wait to see the completed design.

I lOVE being a copy Kat..but not without proper credit where credits due...This fun piece I painted is a Sherrie Riener?/Reiner? (sorry Miss Sherrie) print... She used a clip board to paint her design on but I bought this awesome canvas to paint on, I used gesso then painted it, ironed it and threw a dowel thru the hemmed top, then added a wire and a piece of torn homespun fabric...what an adoreable piece in my living room. Ohh these ideas with this canvas are swimmin so fast my old red head is a hurtin!

This huge plant Ive named "Grace" was in the dumpster at Ronnies warehouse...can you believe I saved it? I kill me, Im like the plant whisperer!I laughed when he brought this dead limp brown, broken mass home..."honey can you save her" a little miracle grow, water, lotsa sunshine and a transplant of new dirt and just look at her! I may even dare profess I have a green thumb!

Ok, so heres the thing with the tiki torches...I almost took 2 huge beefy, men out while trying to steer the basket they were in at "Big Lots"...At least their wives thought it was funny. Man could they move!

Dont ya just love my primitive window panes I picked up on the side of the road looking all lonely? and my old dresser someone else was putting out for the garbage...still gotta alot of life in it. Im not sayin it would service my bedroom or clothes but COME ON...this is cute. Im buying a couple of begonias this weekend to plant in the side drawers. Just visualize.....

How stinkin cute is my very pregnant daughter in law...

Hi LAnA!!!

Hi Nattie-Jo...tee hee,

thats my Grand baby growin in there...ohh shes gonna love her G.G.& OG

Weve become the perverbial dorky Grandparents.

Im so excited I cant stand this waiting. How can you love someone so much that your heart aches, you havent even met yet?

Hi Wildman....this heres my Ronnie...yall know him. It was nice to see him without his skull cap on.... He even ate Guacamolie...sssshh dont tell him....

Look at the loot Lana scored at her baby shower 2 weeks ago when we threw her a surprize (me thinks) Jack n Jill baby shower...

Pops was measuring her belly for a shower game...Big manly man coppers acting so silly with these girly games, man the testosterone was flyin..they all became so competitive!

Momma Kat bumpin her gums about something....

AHHH and what a blessing to have met "Bernie" a fabulous friend I met online....what a surprize to learn he lives in the same town as my son and DIL so he took time out of his very busy schedule to come meet Ronnie and I.

Ive heard so many negative stories about the freaks you can meet and al the warnings about having to be careful but I have to tell you, Bernie is one of the best blessings Ive had because of this internet.

Well all, 2 more weeks before my ELEVEN did you hear??? ELEVEN week summer vaca for this Kat!!!!

Before I close, most of you know I invite anyone and everyone to leave me a prayer request or Praise report, so Im asking you to please keep my Bestest friend in the whole world in prayers...her name is Jody and I dont need to go into detail...God knows whats goin on... but please keep her close in healing thoughts...thanks from the bottom of my heart.

Im finally getting to meet Jody in a couple of weeks, shes flying to Akron for a huge Founders Day celebration, then to Albany to spend time with her Moms, then driving to spend the night with me. me. me!!!! me so happy. Wait till yall meet her, shes da bomb diggidty!

SOOO Happy to be BACK!

2009-05-23T05:59:00.001-07:00

Greetings from Opie and I!
I changed the wreath on my old window pane hanging on my living room wall with handmade sculpted sunflowers.

As Most know Im a working woman and have been working hard for the past few months...9 to be exact...I guess thats pretty appropo since any birth takes the same time and they dont call it labor pains for nuttin!

Summer is fast approaching us and on June 22nd, I will be off for the summer. Im grateful for the oppertunity to collect unemployment during this time so I can catch my breath, and create.

As much as I enjoy working with these difficult kids, (Gosh yall, theyre so challenged but all beautiful) & they are DIFFICULT, but I know Im making a difference because on one of the 2 days I took off recently, my assistant made me promise NEVER to take another day off!

Evidently, some of the younger kids, 4th,-8th graders, refused to come in the cafe, cuz Miss Kat wasnt there"!
Its funny because they complained that the food tasted funny cuz miss Kat didnt make it, but Miss Kat RARELY makes any of the food, my time spent there is all management, paperwork, trouble shooting, meeting with staff, parents , attending meetings, and cash that I work with. I only oversee the actual food prep.!
But I am upfront & very personal with the kids. One of them came to me with a very secretive teen pregnancy...OMGosh...the pressure, I loved her, hugged her, but gave her 2 days to tell the school nurse who is very cool...or we'd have to talk to someone together about it...(Thank Goodness, she took my suggestion)

But in all of my efforts, I do sadly and desperately miss the time creating, selling, gathering, networking, sharing and spending time at home with domestic pleasures and the friends Ive made online.
I am completely and absolutely drained beyond...doing much of anything other than throwing something on the grill, a shower, a load of laundry, an hour of TV (maybe) & off to bed to do it all again tomorrow!
The hubs has been working anywhere from 20-35 hours of OT which is equivalent to another part time job....so although weve been blessed, & are so grateful, we are both exhausted as we rebuild the financial ruin of 08.
I know I depended on the community & commeraderie friendships of kindred spirits, for prayers and support. I come back here hungry to reconnect, and refuel.
And saving the absolute best blessing to share for the very last....I am going to be a GRAMMIE in late June. My son and his wife are expecting "Nattie-Jo" Unfortunately, they live in NJ, a 5 hour car trip, and awaiting her arrival, it may as well be across the globe.
We were fortunate to surprize Lana, our DIL with a jack n Jill baby shower, last Saturday. We arrived under the fib that we were there to see their new home they purchased almost 2 years but never got a chance to see. but AHHHAAAA! that wasnt the only reason. It was a fabulous time. I am so proud of both of them. Their home is filled with love inside and out. Their story tucked in each little nook and cranny. I am swelled with pride for both of them.

Wll I am going to have another give-away soon to let everyone know Im back...but with the lesson that sometimes we need to make time for home...where the heart really is.

Happy Memorial day to all of our soldiers both past & present. You are my S/Heros.

So I have re-commited to come back & begin doing what I love so much which is spending some time with my friends here in Blog land...begin making at least one project a week. I have missed you deeply.

On May 3d, our company was challenged to wlk for hunger by "Foodshare" so Ronnie & I spent a very cloudy & rainy Sunday raising money for FoodShare.

Here a picture w/ me and the Hartford Moose on the Loose...

another picture of an old file box that was given to me for my files at work...after Lynne saw it painted she wanted it back. Silly girl thought she had a chance! HA! I dont remember the artist who designed the original, & I apologize, the angels inside are very different purpously, but I did use her awesome checkered round borders.

Then I lOVE this pillow I painted & quilted. This design is from an all time favorite painting mentor "Renee Mullins" who honored me & displayed a couple of my pieces I created from her awesome and whimsical designs on her website last year.

Ive decided to keep this one for myself, it really brightens up our sofa!

I couldnt wait....

2009-03-02T08:10:00.001-08:00

HAPPY SnOwEd in Monday...No school YIPEE!!!!! so I worked on completing the doll I told ya all about. Her name is "Jolyn" She is going to my boss, my mentor at work and dear friend. If you click the piccy, you can better see the lil hairnet I attatched to her redhair...then youll notice the lil pot holder and spatula have major burns on them...on purpous...yup, my boss is a pryo maniac. Probably not one of her finest moments, but absolutely her funniest.
The one day she burned the spatulas plastic handle...mmm you could smell that one for days... and she even warned me to be careful and not to pick it up...huh? what? OOOOOOUUCH!!!!! Thats the problem with working in food service, everythings fast, hard and hurried....no time for luxuries such as safety...OMG and Im the supervisor!!!!!so I had Ronnie help me create these little burnt offerings. you know Im all about fine detail. Im sure shell get a kick out of it...I hope! I also incorporated a large daisy in her pocket, daisies are especially meaningful because it helps her feel connected to her "Gram" who isnt with her in the physical sense, so I wanted it to touch her with a little sentimental value as well as comedic memorabilia.
Jolyn has been and continues to be my angel at work, so I thought it appropo that she have her own little reminder that shes not the only one who touched lives. She has surely touched mine with education, guidence, support, encouragement and much laughter. Thanks for allowing me to share Jolyn with you. Ill be seeing her tomorrow, Ill let you know how she liked her. But for now, ive got some serious snow to shovel!!!! Happy Monday ALL!!!

Jolyn busy cuping soup while i was training.

The Honeymooners Have Left the Building!

2009-03-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

But evidently were going to show my new painted tote bag off! LOL Thank you Blogger and your funky set ups and rules...still learning so much.
I found this adoreable pattern from the phenomenal artist "Sherry Riener" (I may have incorrectly spelled her name)
I bought these durable L.L.Bean Lookalike totes from a craft fair last year for a few bucks, so I purchased several in a variety of colors. Im so happy I did. Im using mine for a perfect, though a bit large.... of a walking business card! LOL and Im using it instead of a brief case at work. God knows I need ALL the angels I can get at work!!!! I perched a couple of brightly colored fabric strips on either side of the handles for a little pop. Ive already gotten 2 orders from 2 teachers.

OK, so now to the missing..I mean moved out Newlyweds. Could yall please hand me the scissors so I can cut these apron strings? Then pass the kleenex? Man this stuff hurts!

Now Ronnie and I are gonna have to start talking to each other again!!! LOL

These kids brought such light and laughter into our home, Im going to miss them something un- natural and wicked. These poor Moms who send their kids off to far away colleges. How DO you do it?

They have found an adoreable one bedroom apt. not more than a mile from me...heheheheheheeee, and its afforddable, new cabs, new floors, rugs, and appliances. These apartments used to be a motel back in the the 70s.

So they have a little kitchenette, bathroom and bedroom. They bought this beautiful new suede buff colored sofa and already had a 40 inch television (yup, theyre really slummin it!....and new dishes, housewares etc. Ronnie and I have bought them a bagless vacuume cleaner and some groceries to get them started for a couple of weeks. I didnt want to buy em more than that or Ill NEVER see them!!!!!

Im seeing the orbs in this photo and Im thinkin...Im hopin maybe its my Moms energy surrounding them in all thier happiness on thier first new apartment. I dont generally believe in that stuff but I do peek when Ronnie watched T.A.P.S. LOL

OHHHHHHHH there they go!!!!!

OHHHH God, slash those tires.........

Its snowing and were preparring for a huge amount of snow between this afternoon and tomorrow morning. No SCHOOL hopefully...I have soo much paperwork I need to do. I would also be able to create some bunnies I need to complete, a doll Im making for the woman who I consider my mentor and is technically one of my bosses, but she went above and beyond while training me and believed in me when I often questioned myself. Ill show off "Angel Jolyn" when shes complete. How can I not love this woman? She shared with me how incredibly proud she is of me AND get this....she said I was the best thing that has happened to her in the 2 years of being with this company...a doll? I wanted to buy her a car!!!!!!

Im trying to work on some baby gifts but this R.A. is really very painful and doesnt allow for the cross stitching or crocheting I used to love to do.....I am in the process of designing some items with cutie butterflies which is Natalie Josephines nursery theme....I just mailed off a box of goodies to her.

Im still having so much fun althought this job is quite stressfull, actually its 2 jobs with the same company, but Ive been working on some serious time management skills because I have learned recently that its not that I "want" to create...I "NEED" to.

This week Im asking God to lift me up with extra physical healing concerning my RA. and my HEP.C my immune system is really low and its showing up all over in my life.

Im also asking God to continue lifting my friends,(((Ruby))) (((Thomas))(((Jon))(((Tracy)))(((Bruce & Mrs. Moo)))(((always my BFF&E JOdy)))(((Sue)))((((Ima)))(((Carol and Dakota)))))(((Lana, my pregnant DIL whos so sick with the flu))))(((my son who protects and serves a town in New Jersey)))((Jordan & Noelia in their new home)))) and thank all of you here who have continued loving and praying for me...((((Peanut, Cookie,Blondie, Tina, Kady)))

Ive got to go check the lishey Pot roast, carrots, onions, in the crock pot...what a perfect Sunday dinner. mmmm my home smells so yummy. I love each of you......

I thank any and all who add my friends listed here including myself in prayer.

Happy Valentines Day!!!!!

2009-02-14T12:01:00.000-08:00

Gratitude... Grateful for each of you who prayed healing over my crumbling life....Thank you from that deep, personal place where no one goes or knows but God...I thank you!

Look at these adoreable first graders...their sporting glasses with 100 on them because yesterday was 100 days of school so far this year!
Ohhhh Gosh I wanna adopt each of them. How precious are we all, as we wear the honorable title of being Children of God?
Pauline my assistant worth her weight in gold....and of course I bought them lolly pops for Valentines Day after their lunch wave...I wore these great boinking fur, and sequinned hearts, on my head, meant for the kids but 4 of the male teachers & 2 anger managers thanked me for reminding them of Valentines Day! SLACKERS I tell ya!

Look at this wonderful clock the kids made to hang in the kitchen. I asked the art teacher for some of their art work to inspire some student morale...ohhh Ive got so many ideas my head hurts! The principle just loves my efforts and continues to stop by to thank me.... No, thank you for believing in me.

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!!!!!!!

I have been so busy living the life youve all prayed me into. Thank each of you and of course thank God....

Welcome to my life as a certified crazy "Lunch Lady" in one of thee toughest but misunderstood schools in the State of Ct.!!!!

Some of these photos are self explanatory, my cash register where I stand every day, twice a day for brekky and lunch, serving 188 of the most promising kids. I say promising cuz with prayer, great commmited staff (which they each have) and hard work, they will blossom into wonderful young adults. I claim promise over them, and refuse to label them as high risk..I mean look at the one labeled loser, junkie, thief, high risk, menace to society, at one time...writing this....The devil IS a liar, coward and thief!

I recieved a beautiful Valentines Day cards from Shemiaha who was supposed to make one for her foster Mom but fought "hard" with her teacher to make it for me instead. How long ya spose before the water works stopped after getting that?

yup mascara shot to hell.

My assistant blessed me with a card expressing her appreciation for me and my efforts....a box of heart shaped candy, and a funky pen with a fluffy fur piece on the top of the red lips that lit up each time you write with it!

Then this morning...I was blown away as putting on my make up and up comes Ronnie with a HUGE old childlike grin on his face, carrying thee most beautiful bouquet of red roses AND a card!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!! How saweet? We havent celebrated Valentines Day in years...did I say Y-E-A-R-S!!!!

Ive been so busy loving life to the fullest right now and Im on Vacation for winter break all this week. Man am I gonna create, and decorate. Its the one thing besides the luxury of time I miss so much by not being able to design, create, or be a part of so many of you who have been with me when I was close to losing it all.

Here I was thinking I was having a break down and I was having a break thru!

I sometimes wonder what the heck I ever did to deserve this much joy? peace? gratitude? blessings and miracles. Im not going to analyze it, but folks I am strapped in, cuz man this rides been a trip and a half.

I am overwhelmed with the Presence of Jesus. He has richly blessed me with solutions, oppertunities, friendships, restored relationships (One with Jesus & myself most precious)

Im planning a trip to "get this folks" AKRON OHIO!!! in June for a huge Alcoholics Anonymous Founders Day Conference, where Im going to be meeting some of the most amazing men and women Ive met online, in a recovery forum that have taken me under their wing and remained open to support and encourage me during my said "Breakthru" since last June when I met them all online. Phenomenal Hero/sheros that continue to amaze me with thier spirits of grace and excellence and theyre all as funky and colorful as...well all of you! LOL.

I never thought it possible after being lead to all of you, that my life could possibly become any more rich with friendships in my life...thats what I get for thinking huh?

anyway...Ill never be able to express or give back what some of you have done for me...I am however prepared, and excited, open, to pay it forward the next time I meet someone as outside of the box that I am,

and try and bless them the way youve all loved on me.

This week after I restore some order after working 56 hours a week to this poor house...Im going to be sewing my heart out..painting a prepped totebag for work, loaded with huge whimsical flowers and angels.... a stool to paint for my cash area...an old frying pan I bought at a flea market last year to give the kitchen some whimsical "pop" and a couple of primitive bunnies and dolls to make and try to sell.

Ohhh and can I share with you how excited or ready to explode I am about my ...OMG I love saying this..my "GRAND DAUGHTER" were crazy with excitement for her arrival in late June...Her name is Natalie Josephine! Natalie is my DILs Moms name who lives in Russia and of course Josephine is my Moms name....

I must take some time this vaca to seek help in G.A. nooo not gamblers anonymous...Grammas Anonymous. I have become hands down a "Grammie Monster" LOL Ive got patterns, fabric, cross stitch bibs, booties, all in soft pink and mint green and butterflies for this lil princess.

I will honorbaly be referred to as G.G.(Glamorous Grammie) and Ronnie is O.G. (Old Grampie!) I call him O.G. for "olde gangsta" but that will be kept a private joke!

Opie and Mr. O'Malley are wonderful, life is good. Life is grande.

Please feel free to click on each photo to see the love of God surround us all!

Old sleepy head "Opie" stickin his head out to see why the light was on....hes a burrower...

in the park today with me & OG...

Well Bleoveds...Im going to include some of my friends and ask for prayers for these precious folks. God already knows their needs. I ask you to please feel free to leave a coment and add your own personal prayer request or praise and Id be simply honored to trusted with praying for any of you. In Jesus' SWEET, Name....I love you all. Kat

Prayer requests....

(((Jon))) in Wales that he find housing & feel peace in his heart & Gods love all around him.

(((Jody))) I have no requests only praises, perhaps to contiue blessing her & using her for everyone she blows away with her love for recovery, God, and family.... I do thank you for leading me to the first Best Friend I have in years. Im a better woman because of having her in my life as a friend, a woman of grace and accountability partner...we can never seperate from each other...we KNOW too much about eachother! Ive never had this much fun loving or being loved by another woman. thank you Lord.

(((John)) in Ct. for his family, peace and miracles, for he and his wife. Healing and supernatural miracles and blessings for all of their needs.

(((Carol)) for her precious Mom who shes preparing to say goodbye to.

(((Thomas))) for your desire to find answers in your Pastoral and music ministry. Let the music play my friend.....I thank god for your friendship and song in your heart!

(((Sue))) that you feel healing in your time of grief. Smoke and hope rising to you for a change. Medicine woman.

(((Tracy)) in Ireland, that you begin to find the peace, confidence, and power you have in the way you live your life with such passion. I pray for the miralce of financial abundnace and may you be overwhelmed with Gods blessings. Healing for the chicken pox!

(((Laura))) that God continues blessing you by touching so many of us.

(((Carl)) that you find your way, your passion for life, and purpous in sobriety while in treatment. Im so proud of you.

(((Bernie))) wasnt on business, flying the flight in New York on the day we lost so many lives. Thank youuuuuuu.

((Trapper"))) all of a couple weeks old. Born a little early, but oh so healthy and beautiful....(((Grampa Bruce))))

((Jill)) Joshies back...Thank you for never allowing her to quit 5 minutes before her miracles was about to happen. mmm families restored...

(((Kat aka Ima))) I pray for all the peace, solutions, and creativity that you so deserve.

(((Kitty))) Whatevers causing her so much heartbreak and confusion, Father guide her and help her to hold on to any or all of us...Never Alone...Tell her lord...PLEASE!!!!

(((Kady)) that you find the job of your dreams and continue touching so many in your community of sobriety. I ask our Father to bless you with peace, abundance and joy, in His faith in you, while you wait on His answers.

(((Peanut, Cookie, Tina, my wild sisters in Christ who never once doubted me...or doubted what You Father were capable of doing in my broken life.

AMAZING GRACE at its finest.....yup, thats what these women are.

I also pray for all the plane crash victims and their families reeling from the grief of that horrible crash.

I thank you Jesus for every woman and man who reads this blog supporting, loving and encouraging me on my journey. I ask that you blow their minds as they follow you, your will and promises.

Please continue to use me in my ministry of feeding your lil and big sheep in our school. Thank you for utilizing my sometimes too large personality, and very unconservative spirit, I always felt was a burden.... to do your will with these children.

I thank you with all I have, all I am,for all youve done with & for me, and Ronnie.

All the friends youve blessed us with.

Simply incredible.

Ohhh Father, thank you for my own children.

And of course I thank you "humbly" for trusting me to become a better Grandmother than I was a mother, with my lil Natalie Jo!

I PASSED!!!!!!!!

2009-02-03T12:32:00.000-08:00

Whoo Hoo Everybody...

Thank all of you who prayed for me to pass my State Board Food Service Test I took on the 19th of January! I had to pass with at least a 95 & although they wont tell us what our scores are...I did pass! God is sooo good.

I was inaugurated last Friday so to speak in my bosses office. I was being compensated for being a supervisor in training but I wouldnt be paid as a Lead and In house Health Inspector for these 20 schools until I passed....and ohhh let me say it one more time...I passed!

So I was finally promoted and as of monday work both jobs and Im stinkin pooped!

Lots more paperwork, most I dont understand yet...but I feel as if I could move a couple of mountains with all Im learning.

Im kinda bummed though cuz I havent been able to create hardly at all. But I did want to show off "Cleo" who was commissioned by my girlfriend, for her sister who had just lost their precious bird named..."Cleo" and she wanted me to make something with her feathers...so here she is... (well yall saw her up there)Ronnie also was asked to make a dream catcher with Cleos feathers....

well everyone, Im missing everyone here so incredibly...but Im glad I didnt know walking this path of Gods will to change, improve and alter our lifestyle was going to mean sacrificing my time with all of you. Ive been publicly reprimanded for not returning emails, but I have so many wonderful friends, and until I find my groove, my mojo, or balance...I can only pop in every now and again. Please know this new life dosent come with a high price., but I know yall would be so proud of me if ya knew the changes I was making, the mountains Ive been moving, the financial wreckage and debt Ive been facing head on and cleaning up. I am so proud of meself...Thank you all.

You are all in my daily thoughts and prayers . Thank for encouraging me and believeing in me when I didnt always think I was capable...but God sure was.

Snow for my buddy Bruce!!!!

2009-01-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

Hey Bruce, keep scrolling, theres some snow somewhere round this joint!

I wanted to post this picture for proof that real men bake!!!

I wanted to show you a primitive friend that I had the pleasure of surprizing my friend Jody with in California. Shed been needing a smile and a warm fuzzy and so did I...aint nuttin more warming than pulling a fast one on someone ya love dearly.

She special ordered a large doll for a Christmas present & upon delivery, Jody went bonkers over her, and promised as soon as Christmas was over, shed be ordering one for herself....she was funny, she took the doll to work, a meeting, and told me how difficult it was going to be mailing her off to her new home...So I went to work at the elf station and birthed this "Scaredy Kat FolkHeart"original. This photo wasnt taken on completion so the wings, halo and some embellishments like a red stuffed stitched heart with one of Jodys favorite inspirational quotes were added as well. Oh did she love it, she called squealing with delight.

What a great reminder about how much fun it is having dear friends to love. Jodys so easy to love, she spoils me something wicked! She is one of my BFF&E! Yup got one at the ripe ole age of... um.....well nones yer business!

This wonderful woodburnt very large sign was made special by Ronnie for the cafeteria at the school I work at. The Tiger is their school mascot, so tomorrow when I bring it in, they are gonna love it! He woodburnt the entire piece & used slightly greased pencils for color. Then he stained it a light walnut and protected it with a satin sealer.

If you look closely at these snowy trees, or click on the picture, you can see some of the HUGE crows sitting in the branches waiting to dive bomb the bread, seeds and nuts Ronnie provides them with each morning. Im not kidding, these guys are like the size of flying monkeys in OZ...and theyre BOLD! CAW CAW......BREAKFAST FOR 18 CAW CAW!!!!! I freaked Ronnie out cuz I asked him to listen closely, it actually sound like their calling him. RAWN, RAWN....LOL

Then this large and looong driveway we shovel, well, maybe not "we" but rather "he" shovels!

And theres the lunatic shoveling a path for our resident squirrels...

Hey Bruce and Blogging Buddies......

Well my friend from Texas asked me to PLEASE post him a piture of the recent snow we had, but in our "special forum" I cant post cuz my pics are too big & I havent yet learned how to minimize them...jeesh, diets, diets everywhere! SO here ya go Bruce!!!! and this stuff is ccccccold! I was warm and toasty but made sure I came out to yuk it up for the camera for my Texas snow deprived friend.

Im asking for my prayer warriors to keep me in prayers for the next couple of weeks, Im starting work tomorrow after some intensive training, and theres much paperwork, important responsibilities, working with large cash deposits, inspections, and Im also studying for the big state test Im taking on January 19th. All while prepping, cooking, serving, and training someone new for my cafeteria partner... While I try to retain everything I learned in my recent training. I am learning how to remain grateful, maintain peace, and keeping my eyes on the prize.

I am not facing anything i havent prayed for...but Im learning how when overwhelmed or lacking confidence for serious responsibilites (in a short period of time) that blessings can feel like burdens.

I know I cannot possibly do any of this alone. So I thank you in advance for those of you who have been in my corner.

Also, I would be honored if anyone needs prayers to please leave a comment. We all know the power in prayers.

Im keeping my friend Thomas in my prayers as he prepars to say goodbye to his precious Mom soon.

Ive got to get back to studying and preparring a wonderful Sunday dinner. Please know how special I feel since my blogging absence, that folks have been getting the word out that Im back as promised....Winter Hugs, Toodles, (((((Kat)))))))

2009 I CLAIM TO BE MINE!!!!

2009-01-05T04:37:00.000-08:00

I found this old window pane on the side of the road 2 years ago....and only last week, cleaned it up, treated it, made a winter primitive wreath for it and I LOVE iT!

I painted the pillow. Thank You (Terrye French) for the great pattern.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!

I AM BACK!!!!

Did I not promise Id be back with a vengence????

That said...I want to thank so many of you who have kept me, and my family in your daily prayers.

I believe those positive thoughts and the power of prayers and friendship, are why Im here.....with blessings GALORE!

Im not even sure where to begin.

So Ill share that weve worked with the mortgage company that now owns the title to our home we rent, and have all agreed that this would be our home for at least another year.

Thank you Jesus.

Not having to live in a motel, try to find loving homes for our babies with fur, keeping our things in expensive storage, and although not my responsibility worry about the newlyweds, they can stay as well.!!!!

Weve been given a new oppertunity to make some serious financial changes. The hubs is still working for the same company, but now has a second part time job which has helped us tremendously.

Im not working as a substitute lunch lady but have recieved a huge promotion and am in a supervisors position which of course is better pay, bennies, etc...then the food service company, ( I shared with you my high risk kids I love) applied for and recieved a grant to begin a new program that I will be the first to be hired. IF I pass a huge Conn. State Board Food Service Ceritification test on this Jan.19th!!!

But after I work my new supervisors job with my favorite kids.

Ive been studying, cramming , obsessing and praying,about having to pass this bugger with at least or better than a 95%grade!

NO PRESSURE there!

I will be the companies ""In House" health inspector. Which ultimately provides me the education and tools to inspect the 30 schools in our town, & make sure they are up to standard and pass when the State Health Dept, inspects randomly!

So far all this studying has done is FREAK me out to not ever want to cook or use another dish towel in my own kitchen for the remaining time I have on this earth!

I am now aware of every pathogen, bacteria, virus, and yes, parasite.... just lurking around each nook and cranny just awaiting patiently for me to let my guard down, cross contaminate something, and infect our entire family with watery diarreah, fever, tingling, burning, retching and lets not forget coughing up worms...mmmmm ready for lunch anyone??????

However... not "if" but "when" I pass this test, I will be given a significant income increase in addition to my recent promotion and contract signing.

God is so good.

I am so freaked out and constantly battle the pressure and old tapes trying to make me think my way right out of this fabulous life change and blessings of abundance.

The newlyweds have moved to the upstairs finished 2 room attic-loft and painted it "Brothel Red" with white trim and black and white textiles, and bedding...actually quite cute...I "did" say paint it whatever youd like and they are paying regular weekly rent...

Then on Saturday, my adoreable 23 year old nephew has moved in to get back on his feet after moving out here a few months ago from my sisters home in Florida.

How could I ever say no to "family" when weve allowed people detoxing from a variety of alcohol and drugs in the past...Remeber my Matt??? still growing in his new life and career as a Court house Sherriff! ( as I am still puffed up with pride) I just melt each time Devon calls me "Auntie Kat" its the first time Ive ever been a real aunt.

Now I DO MISS sewing, painting, and creating. I have sold many pieces and made out well for the Holidays as I took and completed several private and custom orders for Christmas Presents...These teachers and staff in food service just LOVE spending....

Since we found out we could live here permanently for another year at least, we spent the last 3 weeks, scrubbing, washing nicotene off of all walls, scouring, carpet steaming, organizing, uncluttering, embracing everything I had in storage but are now back in our home...all of my "chatchkies" back in their places, all of my primitive dolls, crows, antiques, quilts, and baskets are all back up making me feel as warm and basking in the reality that there really is no place like home. What a cleansing and healing experience for all of us. its been 2 years since weve felt safe, secure and home.

I am coming back to "blog land" I have missed posting, being an active part in, and I so apologize, but losing my Mom rocked my world with all we had going on in addition to trying to get through the Holidays while still so deep in grief.

My life is back better than I could ever imagine in my wildest dreams. My sobriety was and continues to be strong and in tact. My love for the women in my life still amazes me. I will be back to creating, a wee bit of new designs, and beginning a new life after being in the dark for so long.

Thank you for the emails, posts, and never giving up on me. I sure would appreciate any and all continued support in letting this community that enveloped me and encouraged me as I share my love for creating. "Katerpillars No More" is back in service and looking forward in giving and recieving even more fiercly than before.

I thought Id post my "PUGSHOT" is this little 5 week old Pug too cute? There was a lot of face licking going on, but he was sleeping the entire time!!!!! I couldnt help myself, I wanted to "eat him"

So leaving you Beloveds....keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers and thank you so very much for praying for me. There is much to be thankful for.

Too Whom much is Given, Much is Expected"

I have my work cut out for me.

blessings of peace, joy, creative energy, and abundance. and prayers that we seek His Sweet Face in all we do.